


Daffodils in the Snow [incomplete]

by viktuuriousred



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Depression, F/M, Gen, Healing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Suicide Attempt, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Victuri, healing relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2018-10-06 19:10:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 80,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10342713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viktuuriousred/pseuds/viktuuriousred
Summary: [on prolonged hiatus]When Viktor Nikiforov gets called out to the local high school on a suicide attempt, he doesn't expect to be able to save the victim or have anything to do with them, let alone fall in love.Six years ago, Yuuri Katsuki attempted suicide in his school bathroom. Six years ago, Viktor Nikiforov revived him.Six years ago, they fell in love and separated before the summer could begin.In the present, Yuuri is an elementary school in his Appalachian hometown with little meaning for his life outside teaching every day. That is, until a fresh-out-of-university bachelor with a familiar face gets assigned to all the schools in Yuuri's county.When the pair reunites, Yuuri allows Viktor to open his heart again as the pair struggle to heal from past mistakes together. And with the help of Viktor, Yuuri begins to realize that with a little bit of love, life just might be beautiful.





	1. New Beginnings and Old Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Before I begin, I've made a quick list of who's working where in this elementary school to avoid confusion in the future.
> 
> Phichit Chulanont- Preschool  
> Guang Hong Ji- Kindergarten  
> Leo de la Iglesia- First Grade (no, I'm not making him the exclusive Spanish teacher just because he's Latino bYE)  
> Michele Crispino- Second Grade  
> Katsuki Yuuri- Third Grade  
> Emil Nekola- Fourth Grade  
> Christophe Giacometti- Fifth Grade  
> Lee Seung Gil- Art  
> Georgi Popovich- Music  
> Jean Jaques Leroy- P.E. (lel JJ as a gym teacher can u imagine)  
> Mila Babicheva- Secretary  
> Sara Crispino- Nurse  
> Yakov Feltsman- Principal (and honestly, the man needs a vacation)

It had been dark for a long time. After a winter of brutal winds and icy snow, the town snuggled high up in the Appalachian mountains slowly began to thaw and warm the hearts of the inhabitants that lived there. Pott Springs: home to immigrants from all over the world that's farmed in this community for more than one hundred years, with a population of just 250, the smallest in Jefferson County. Nothing exciting ever happened in this town; men married women and had babies, then made careers elsewhere. It was a place where one could take refuge if they wanted out of the busy, worldly life, or just a road to pass through on the way to someplace else.

And if they simply didn't have anywhere else to go, it may have been the perfect choice.

The only thing the town could boast was its impressive floral arrangements; it was illuminated by various types of flowers– every color one could think of. It was supposed to symbolize hope every spring upon their growth, but it was mostly to bring in tourists.

Nobody ever paid much attention to them.

On the top floor of Beckett's Farmers Market, the owners rented out a room to a young foreign boy who taught at the elementary school. Nobody knew much about him and might've found him to be hostile had it not been for the bright yellow daffodils growing at his windowsill. Other than those flowers, there seemed to be no color in his life at all, but at least he took part in the town's traditional flower growing.

"Good morning Yuuri! Did you read yesterday's paper?" Mrs. Beckett, the store owner and the mysterious man's landlady, caught him before he could get to his car.

"Didn't get a chance to." He opened his car door, muttering under his breath when it hesitated to start. The car mad a low, whirring noise before it submitted and started with a grumble. "I'm really late for work, but maybe we can talk later?"

"That's another thing. Your rent is almost a week late. You owe me $700, plus another $300 for the damage from your bathroom leaking. I need it by Friday." Mrs. Beckett kept an eye on the boy as she watered the buds that were to be petunias in the later spring. "Okay? If you can't pay it, I don't know what to tell you."

"I'll pay it." Yuuri smiled weakly. "I'll see you later."

He knew he couldn't pay it off; not this week...  
~~~  
"Good morning, Mr. Katsuki!" Two dozen bright eyed, smiling third graders chanted when their teacher walks into the classroom. He was young and handsome and all the children loved him. At just his first year as a teacher, he was doing quite well, but nobody in the school really knew anything about him, other than the fact that there were deep scars on his right wrist (which he covered with a watch), and a strange, dark line under his chin that nobody could ever explain. He was a new immigrant, born in Japan and raised in and out of town, never bothering to get to know the others.

But if you asked anyone who resided in Pott Springs, they'd tell you they all wanted desperately to get to know him. They just... never seemed to find the time.

"Good morning, children. As you know, today's picture day. You all look wonderful." Mr. Katsuki, or Yuuri as he was known by friends if he had any, and associates, sat down at his desk. "Did everyone do their homework last night?"

Two dozen heads bobbed.

"Even you, Ms. Laine?"

"Yes, Mr. Katsuki!"

Yuuri smiled softly upon hearing his name once again mispronounced. It was already April, and yet most students still called him Cat-Ski or Cot-soh-key. It was cute.

"Now, everyone.. I've graded your math tests and you all did a great job on them. Because of this, you all get fifteen minutes to play on your iPads. Sound good?" The classroom erupted in cheers.

Being at Pott Springs Elementary School as a third grade teacher was much better than the life Yuuri imagined for himself before. He wasn't happy, but he was content with the pattern of the school year. He just feared that his salary wouldn't be enough to pay the bills much longer. What would he do if he didn't have a place to live? Smiling at his students, he decided to put that thought to the side. No matter what happened, it was his job to stay positive while inside the walls of this school.

After the children had their time on the iPads that Yuuri still couldn’t figure out the reason they had them, he had them line up by the door so that they could go get their pictures taken. “Everyone’s going to be nice to the photographer, aren’t they?”

“Yes, Mr. Katsuki!!” Twenty four children chanted boredly.

“Alright. My helper for the day, Mr. Plisetsky, is going to take you all down to the gym. Please listen to what he says, okay? Yuri, it’s all you.”  
The sixteen year old student from the high school across the street stood up from one of the desks in the back of the room. He’d recently been (forcibly) volunteering as a Student Helper in Yuuri’s class during his free period to gain credit. Sure, he claimed he hated it and would rather eat a dead squirrel, but when it came down to it, he always was great with the children.

Since it would be quite the wait until it was time for the class photo, Yuuri took the attendance file down the long hall towards the secretary's office, clutching his folder tightly in fear of the new woman who worked there. She has a sharp, foreign accent and could be very tough on children and parents when needed. He took his time, admiring the artwork on walls outside of classrooms, taking especially long when trying to figure out just what the preschool class had been working on. It looked like a cross between flowers and dinosaurs. He couldn't be certain,  but he knew their teacher was probably very proud of them. 

Taking a deep breath, Yuuri opened the door to the office.

"It's about time you brought those," Mila was her name, and Yuuri couldn't pronounce her last. She had flaming red hair and blue eyes. She was young and beautiful, but already pregnant with her ex-boyfriend's child and seemed to have a sour disposition on life. She lived just outside town on her aunt's farm, as many people did in this town.

"Sorry I'm late.. again..." Yuuri chimed quietly, laying the folder on her desk. "Say, where's–"

"Nurse Sala? She's off for the day, so they had Cao fill in. By the way, the county's school psychologist is in today. He was supposed to meet with some kids in your class later, don't know if he'll still do that. He's new, and hot. Fresh out of med school..." Mila swooned, clutching her chest. "He's the kind of man that would treat me right.

“Men like that with such a high income in this area are almost always married.” Yuuri sighed wistfully, leaning against the wall by her desk.

“And wouldn’t you know!”

“Look, I’m no love expert, but I am an adult male and I have been on dates before. Trust me, I know.” Truthfully, Yuuri hadn’t been on a successful date in his entire life, but tonight he was supposed to go out with a teacher from the middle school next door. It was a bad idea, and he knew it, but Phichit Chulanont claimed to know him and swore up and down it would go well.

“Well, whatever. I already called dibs on this psychologist, so keep your hands off when he comes later.” Mila waved a finger at him, but her lips curled into a smile. She actually wasn’t half bad.

“My hands will be all over him, girl,” Yuuri teased as he headed out the door, “I’ll be pregnant by tomorrow!”

“Only you, Yuuri!”

He laughed softly as he walked down to the gymnasium. His general thoughts were interrupted by the chattering of dozens of children waiting with their teachers. He was quick to find his class upon seeing the bright red jacket his helper was wearing. Yuuri’s students were standing in line next to Mr. Crispino’s class, who just finished and were now preparing to pose together for the class photo. Wonderful.

“Hey, I have a question.” Yuri nudged him while they stared at Mr. Crispino’s class.

“And I might have an answer. What’s up, Plisetsky?” Yuuri responded in a monotone, mind someplace else when the bright, flashing light of the camera hit his eyes… just like when….

* * *

 

_It was dark, and he couldn't hear anything other than blood dripping onto the school bathroom floor. Third period, March 14th, six years back. Yuuri's senior year in high school was about to end because of a box cutter._

_He'd taken pills earlier to numb the pain, but he still felt everything when he sliced his skin, and yet, he didn’t care. The gaping hole in his wrist shot out blood, and the skin at his neck let blood trickle slowly down the drain, so, so much more blood than he’d anticipated on. Yuuri had already fallen onto the floor and hit his head, that's when a student heard him, but nobody seemed to be with him at the moment. He’d hoped nobody would come._

_He just wanted to die, and his wish was finally being granted._

_Until..._

_"Hey, kid, can you hear me? We’ve got him!!" A voice... someone broke the barrier around him, and that voice immediately struck his heart. While he still was unable to see, he noticed a bright light shining over his eyes. It still couldn’t quite reach him. The voice turned into more of a mumble, and things were dark again._

_"Nnn-nnnngh..." Yuuri struggled to speak, but he failed due to choking on his own blood and the sudden increase in his heart rate as panic set in. How many students of Pott Springs High School were standing outside this bathroom right now? How many were taking video for social media, whispering things like, “Oh, I knew him. He was in Biology with me” ?_

_Yuuri felt tears starting to trickle down his cheeks. He knew he should’ve waited until he got home, where nobody would’ve been able to save him._

_"Alright, we don’t have time! Let's get him onto the stretcher. Lilia, take his vitals." A gloved hand touched Yuuri's cheek as he was lifted off the ground. "Don't try to talk, but please, stay awake. – What's his name? We need identification..." even though the man was talking to the other paramedics in the room, Yuuri only heard his voice and felt his touch, no one else's. "Yuuri, is it? My name's Viktor, and my friends and I are going to start stitching you up. Just stay awake, okay? Stay awa–"_

* * *

 

“So, do you think he can?”

Yuuri gasped, realizing that he had been in a conversation when he’d zoned out and his students were already preparing for the group photo. How did he always lose track of time like this when he thought about Viktor? They hadn't spoken in six years. Whatever they had was dead, so why couldn't he let go?

“Talk to me when we get back to class. We can arrange something.” Yuuri murmured, face flushed and feeling a little dizzy. How did he always lose track of time like this when he thought about Viktor? They hadn't spoken in six years. Whatever they had was dead, so why couldn't he let go?

  
He was holding onto something that wasn't there. He needed to get his head straight. _Viktor doesn't love me. Stop thinking he does!_

...

"Hey, are you alright?” Wait, they’d already taken their class photo? Yuuri zoned that one out too.

Now he really knew he needed to get out of there to take a break.

“E-Excuse me… I need to step out for some air…” Yuuri rubbed the sweat from his face and hurried out of the gym, despite all the whispers of disapproval from his associates.

"Wait, what am I supposed to do with the kids? Mr. Katsuki!!!!!" 

* * *

 

 

He let himself in his classroom’s bathroom and couldn’t help but throw up due to the sudden unwanted memories of his attempted death. He hadn’t thought about being revived on that bathroom floor in years; in fact, he seldom ever remembered details. It was something he very much wanted to forget.

He always felt shame when thinking about it, too, because he knew people thought he was weak for doing it. The truth is, he _was_ weak. He'd been too afraid to live any longer, and to this day he solemnly wished nobody had found him. He'd be better of dead.

Yuuri threw open his classroom door, relieved to find it empty as the students were still in the gym. He already gave himself a mental to-do list that he could finally get accomplished in the empty—well, almost empty room. Upon fully looking around the classroom, it would seem he had a visitor. A tall, handsome visitor. The one straight out of school. His Viktor...

"Oh my god..." Yuuri's mouth hung agape at the sight of the young psychologist who simply everyone had been talking about, and he hadn't stopped thinking of. "I'm sorry, am I forgetting something?"

 _He wasn’t supposed to come in until after lunch_ , Yuuri thought to himself, opening the small refridgerator in the closet to give himself a juice box. He still felt queasy.

"Yes. We had a meeting arranged regarding one of your students. Miss Laine?" Viktor's voice was even and calm, but his eyes held a dangerous, critical gaze. It'd been so long since Yuuri had seen him; gone was his jovial, innocent look with those young, baby blue eyes. In its place was an aged, tired looking man whose eyes were as dull a blue as faded jeans. "I spoke with her mother on the phone a few minutes ago. I must say, we were both disappointed you couldn't join us."

_How exactly is that my fault? We had a meeting scheduled for lunchtime. Get yourself a watch, Viktor!_

"Right, right, I'm so sorry… I just... it’s picture day. I had obligations." Yuuri scrambled to find words as he sifted through his desk for the file he was looking for. "At least I'm on time for you to talk to my class."

"Well, as you’re in here and your class is in the gym unsupervised, I’d assume you don’t have any current obligations. Are you often late, Mr. Katsuki?"

"Well.. yes..." his cheeks turned bright red as he took a seat across from the man, holding out the student's folder. "You know you can call me Yuuri."

"And why is that? Do you not want this job anymore?" The doctor sifted through the folder, analyzing every page while somehow keeping conversation at the same time despite ignoring what Yuuri suggested. It was clear he was still bitter.

"N-no. No. I need this job," Yuuri stammered, burying his face in his hands, "My car. My car doesn't start sometimes... that's all…"

"So what do you do when it doesn't?" Here Viktor was, just as forward as he'd always been, ever since the day they'd met.

"I walk."

"And how far away is your house?" Viktor touched Yuuri's hand, concern suddenly showing on his face and striking Yuuri's memory.

"It's only a few blocks. I live above the convenience store."

 _Why did I just tell him that?_ Yuuri wondered.

_He helps children all over the county; he helps them with their problems, not the teachers. He doesn't– and shouldn't– care about mine anymore._

"So... why don't you buy yourself a new car?" Now Viktor's voice almost seemed wicked... mocking Yuuri's inconveniences.

Yuuri doesn't respond to this question. His head hangs low and he closes his eyes, fist clenched at his side to calm himself down.

"I have an old spare car at my place. I was going to sell it, but... I don't really need the money and it looks like you need the transportation. Why don't you come take a look at it after school?" Viktor suggested with a sudden bright smile.

His intentions could not possibly be good. Who was this nice to someone they just met again after years apart? Not Nikiforov, that's for sure. 

"Thank you, but... I couldn't possibly... maybe some other time?" And by some other time, Yuuri meant never. Viktor was far too handsome and wealthy to be seen with someone as lowly as Yuuri.

"Certainly. Are you free Friday night?"

Yuuri was free nearly every single day of the year. He never had any plans outside of school, but something about Viktor's confidence and almost flirtatious manner made him say something different. "Ah, no... I have to be somewhere Friday night."

"Saturday afternoon then. I'll pick you up so you can go see my car. Does four-thirty sound okay?"

"Are.. are you asking me out on a date, Viktor?" Yuuri's eyes instantly went wide after he said this, regretting what he did. "I'm.. sorry, I didn't mean to–"

"It's not a date, Mr. Katsuki." Viktor laughed, standing up and walking over to the art wall to observe the various projects hanging there. "I tried asking you out in the past and all I got was a stinging rejection."

"Right... listen, I know you're still–"

"Let's not talk about anything that doesn’t involve your students. Your class is coming, Mr. Katsuki. I hope you have it together this time." Viktor said bitterly, but he wore a smile when the students started pouring into the classroom. “I’ll take it from here. You go do whatever it is you do instead of teaching these wonderful people.”

Yuuri nodded politely, but inside his heart was shattering into a million pieces. He had to keep it professional, even if he so desperately wanted to sit on the floor and wail like a child. It was clear Viktor didn’t care for him at all anymore. He was upset because he was right about Yuuri. That killed him.  
~~~  
“Well, it sounds like you had an awful day,” Phichit admitted when he came into Yuuri’s classroom after the children left school to help him clean up, “and I thought mine was bad. Why does that Viktor guy hate you so much, anyway?”

How could Yuuri hold back the truth from the only person in the entire school who was kind to him? Truthfully, Yuuri didn't like Phichit too much; he saw how he gossiped about others and knew of his cruel side, but he tried to stay neutral.

“We… were kind of seeing each other back when I was in high school, and I dumped him after I graduated.” Well, that wasn’t exactly the truth, but it wasn’t a complete lie either. It worked.

Phichit’s mouth hung open for a long moment as he processed what was just told to him. “So… he’s pissed because he still is in love with you!”

“Shh!” Yuuri hissed. “He’s the farthest thing from in love with me as it gets, but he uh… he did try to give me a car.”

“He loves you! Oh my god, it’s about time we got some drama at this school,” He snickered, throwing away some scrap paper he’d found on the floor. “But you’re still going out with Jason tonight, aren’t you?”

“That’s the plan.” Yuuri sighed. He’d actually love to just stay at home tonight and cry over how cruel Viktor was to him while he was in his classroom. So, so many glares and harsh responses…

“You’ll have fun. I can come over and help you get ready if you want!”

“No thanks…” Yuuri responded quickly. Nobody in town knew the terrible conditions in which he lived. There was only one main room to the “apartment”, a bathroom, and a closet. He slept in the closet on a cot every single night. He could stare up at the stars through the various holes in the roof. The heat got shut off a week back, and now the water would be too for a while. If anyone knew about this, he’d probably be mocked for the rest of his life.

“Well, if you insist. But I want a full report when you get back to school tomorrow!”

Yuuri chuckled, glancing around the clean classroom. “Well, I better go. Thanks for all your help today, Phichit. I appreciate it.”

“Your welcome. But I gotta ask… if given the chance, would you see Viktor again, like, romantically? I know you still like him.” Phichit was probably about to go tell the story to every available ear in the school.

“I seriously doubt it. Besides, maybe my date tonight will go well enough that I won’t even have to think about Viktor ever again. I hope it does.”

“Hope what does?” The two men were interrupted by likely the biggest hopeless romantic in the entire school, Georgi Popovich. When he wasn’t teaching music, he doubled as the school’s librarian and more times than one he’d been caught crying over children’s literature in the back of the room.

“Yuuri’s finally going on a date tonight!” Phichit said a little louder than he should have.

“Everyone’s finding love these days,” Georgi glanced away, clearly thinking about his ex-girlfriend Anya, “I wish you luck, Yuuri, but quite honestly you seem more like an aromantic type of man.”

“I’ve put my career above everything else for a long time,” Yuuri admitted, “but I’m twenty-four now and haven’t ever really been in a serious relationship. I think it’s time I started trying.”

“Can’t argue with that…” Georgi replied, eyes meeting Phichit's. The latter nodded, telling Georgi to go wait in the library so he could hear the gossip later.

* * *

  
Yuuri sat cross-legged at a café in the town over, waiting on his date who was now twenty-two minutes late. His heart was starting to ache in his chest as he knew fully well he’d been stood up for the third week in a row. Most of all, he felt embarrassed because he knew why he'd been stood up in the first place.

“Can I get you anything while you wait?” The waitress showed pity on him, even offering a free meal for the depressed teacher.

“No, I think I’m just going to head home. Thanks, though.” Yuuri took his coat from his chair and hurried to the door before tears could trickle from his cheeks. _People are staring at you. What a loser._

He went straight to his car, sticking the key in, and to his horror, the car simply wouldn’t start. “No… please! I… why…”

Here he was in a slightly more populated area with a car that wouldn’t start and at least a dozen people inside the restaurant who were now judging him, probably wondering why a “homeless man” (as he’d been called by a child) even had a car in the first place.

Yuuri rested his head on his steering wheel, allowing tears to freefall onto his black jeans as he sobbed for a good few minutes. He wondered why life had to be this way.

Everyone promised, even Viktor himself had once promised, that life after his attempted suicide was going to get better, but it hadn’t. Things only seemed to get harder for him now, and soon, he’d be on the street. How was it fair that he had to pay all his mother's bills while his sister did nothing? How was it fair that his hard earned money never got to go to himself? It always went to a relative or to his massive debt.

Maybe he truly was better off dead. At least he wouldn’t have to carry his entire family on his shoulders or worry about his crippling mental health and the weight of the knowledge that nobody in that god-forsaken county actually cared for him at all.

His thoughts were stopped by a sudden, light knock on the window and only then did he notice the man standing outside his car. He was actually hoping it was the guy who stood him up, maybe with flowers, a handsome face and a heartfelt apology.

To his horror, he found that man to be none other than Viktor Nikiforov. He asked Yuuri a question, but he didn’t hear it over the sounds of his sobs and the obvious blockade between them. Wiping his eyes, Yuuri opened the car door just a bit. Viktor repeated his question. “Your car won’t start?”

“I told you, Viktor.” He sniffled, growing embarrassed at the realization that Viktor could’ve been waiting outside for him to notice him for ages, watching him cry like the baby he was.

“Did you get stood up?”

Yuuri turned away shamefully, hands clenching the steering wheel. “No, maybe I just fucking like sitting in parking lots in the best clothes I own. What makes you think that?!"

“There’s no reason to have an attitude with me. Do you want my help or not?” Viktor leaned against the car, forearm resting on the top of the door and peering in at the younger man.

“You don’t need to help me. I’ll walk home.” Yuuri protested.

“That’s ten miles, Yuuri.”

He bit his lip. “What, after the bullshit you threw at me today you’re feeling guilty, is that it? Well, I’m not going to forgive you for how you acted. It’s not my fault you got stuck working in hillbilly hell.”

“Get out of the car, Yuuri. I’m driving you home.”

“I said I’m walking.” Yuuri did step out of his car, though, making sure to slam it shut.

_How am I going to pay the towing fee? God damn it! If I get one more unnecessary bill this month I'm going to hang myself on a stoplight!_

“After all you’ve done to me, the least you can do is be civil.” Viktor quickened his pace so that he could cut Yuuri off by the entrance. Their eyes met. Viktor saw the panic and intense pain in those brown irises and decided to lighten his tone. “Where have you been all these years, Yuuri? I was going to..”

“It doesn’t matter what you were going to do! Things are better off this way. You got your career and I got mine,” Yuuri attempted to pass him, but Viktor always ended up blocking his way to his frustration. “Let me go!”

“You’re miserable, Yuuri. You deserved better back then and even if I hate your guts right now, I still know that you still deserve it!”

Yuuri froze, "You don't know anything about me." His eyes narrowed as he stepped closer to Viktor in attempts to shove him away, but things didn’t go as planned. Viktor swung his arms and snaked them around Yuuri’s middle, pulling him close and laid a frustrated kiss upon the other man’s lips.

For only a brief moment, Yuuri protested, but his angry expression melted away as he returned the kiss with as much passion as he could. His eyes closed when Viktor’s hands slid up his back into his hair, fingers wrapping around tresses…

Viktor finally pulled back for air, panting softly as he gazed upon Yuuri’s confused expression. “Believe me when I tell you this, Katsuki,” he caressed his cheek softly, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long fucking time.”


	2. The River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri remembers his first proper conversation with Viktor, and Viktor is starting to grow concerned with Yuuri's new flighty and unpredictable personality.

When Yuuri woke back up for the second time, he remembered two things: one, the beeping of a heart monitor, which meant he somehow survived his self inflicted injuries, and two, he wasn't alone in the room, but he wasn't with a family member either. He was in the hospital, and he couldn't have been more disappointed. 

There weren't any flowers or cards or gifts like people normally brought for someone hurt in a small town like his, and it just reminded him that no one cared. And besides the young man in front of him, of course, the room was completely empty. No television or signs of life.

"I wasn't sure if I should come see you just yet, since you're still in intensive care, but... I just wanted to make sure you're going to be okay. I couldn't rest until I did."

Yuuri gazed upon the face of his visitor and immediately felt relaxed. This was the EMT that had revived him at the school. Had he not been partially high on pain medications, he might've felt embarrassed about seeing this man, because he was incredibly handsome and knew more about Yuuri than he'd like a handsome stranger to. Their first impressions of each other must've been dreadful. 

"Do you remember my name? I don't know if I told you or not–"  
"Viktor.. you said your name was Viktor." Yuuri responded softly, voice cracking from the dryness and pain in his throat. "You saved my life."

"Well, I don't work alone." Viktor brightened up a little bit upon hearing Yuuri's voice. "And your name is Yuuri, right?"

He nodded. 

"I've revived tons of people in the past, but," the man removed his jacket, laying it on the foot of the bed, "but you were different. You fought me. Most people actually want to come back to life. They change their minds after they do it, but you, you didn't... I thought we really were going to lose you on that floor. It scared the shit out of just about everyone at the station. We've never lost someone this young to suicide in our county, and..." he trailed off, eyes focusing on the boy in the hospital bed with stitches just below his chin. 

"That's probably because I don't want to be here. I made my choice years ago and I've always known I didn't want to live past high school." Why was he telling a complete stranger this, especially the one who worked so hard to get him back to life? For one, he felt like he already knew Viktor from somewhere, but he couldn't seem to figure it out. He felt like he could trust him. 

"And why is that?"

"Because life isn't worth it for people like me. My.. my parents are going to kill me once they get here. They don't care about sending me to get better, and they were already angry with me, so..." Yuuri rambled on, feeling tears start to trickle down his cheeks. "so when I get out of here, I'm going to do it again, and I'm going to finish the job this time. It'll do everyone a favor."

"I'm friends with some of the doctors here. They're sending you upstate on Monday to another hospital, and the bills are going to the government for now." Viktor made him uncomfortable with how he never cut the eye contact. He was confident in himself, something Yuuri never could be, and nothing Yuuri could say to him would impact his opinions or make him leave. "Why aren't your parents here with you now, if you don't mind me asking?Nobody's been with you but me."

"They can't afford to care about me." Yuuri mumbled, turning his head to the side to stare out the window at the bright sunshine pouring in. "That's one of the reasons I wanted to do it, to let them be free of the burden I am."

"Yuuri... how old are you?" He cut in suddenly, eyes curious. 

"I just turned eighteen."

"And you're a senior?"

"I was, but I'm going to drop out."

"You know, you could move out if you want. You don't have to live with your parents anymore if they're that bad. Hell, I'd even let you stay at my house if you needed someplace to go that badly. But I don't think you should drop out of school. I did, and now I can't get anywhere." He ran his fingers through his long, bleach blonde hair, with a sheepish smile on his face. "Point is, there's always a way out. Every choice we make has an alternative. If you can't find it, you're not looking hard enough."

"So, I suppose an alternative to living is death, then?" Yuuri felt smug at proving the man wrong, but he still couldn't find himself capable of making eye contact. He focused on the whiteboard hung on the wall, with his information written on it; his date of birth– November 29th, height, weight, and if anyone was staying with him. It was blank. He technically was an adult now and didn't need any guardian to stay with him, but it still would've been nice to have some sort of support while he was trapped, and literally strapped down to a bed. 

"No, you don't get to do that, because you weren't really living before. Your alternative is to start living, from today forward. Or, you could stay as you are." 

"Why are you here then, Viktor? I'm sure you have better things to do with your time other than speaking to suicidal teens."

Viktor's face flushed, but he didn't let that stop him from continuing. "Because you're different. And I want to make your life better."

"And how are you going to do that?" Yuuri wondered. 

"Truth is, I don't really know yet. But, I figure I can start by being your friend. If we're being honest, it looks like you could really use one." He pushed himself to his feet and cracked open the window, allowing the fresh air to flow through Yuuri's otherwise stuffy room. 

"Not even anyone from my school came to see me. Can you imagine what everyone would think if they found out like a thirty year old man has been visiting me?"

"I'm only twenty-two!" Viktor exclaimed. "Do I really look that old??"

Yuuri's cheeks turned the color of the red daffodils on the curtain, but he felt himself smiling for the first time in a while. "Sorry.."

"Nah, it's okay. I know the hair is an influencing factor. I've been thinking about cutting it. What do you–"

"So... are you going to come see me from now on?" Yuuri blurted out to Viktor. He didn't entirely regret doing so, but at the same time, he was terrified of getting an answer. The truth is, he already knew it would be easy for him to develop feelings for his new friend and he was afraid of rejection once Viktor realized how terrible of a person he was. 

But Viktor never showed any smidgen of weakness. He always wore the same expression; cheerful and curious. "Do you want me to?"

"W-well... yeah... it is pretty boring in here."  
"Good. I'll come back tomorrow, then, and not Friday, but probably Saturday. I'll see you then, Yuuri."

~~~  
In the present, the pair were lying in the back of Yuuri’s car, legs tangled, lips and tongues mingling together for God knows how long. . For a while, Yuuri forgot how it felt to be miserable. His mind was blank so long as he was in Viktor’s hold--- but had he been fully aware, he might’ve cursed himself for how stupid his current actions were. They weren’t friends anymore. They weren’t even seeing each other. Before that day, they hadn’t seen each other in six years. This wasn’t right, but Yuuri didn’t care.

He let out soft sighs as Viktor laid kisses down his neck and exposed shoulder, tipping his head back to give the other man more room. Viktor bit down softly near his clavicle and hid a smirk upon the response he was given. “You used to like that.” He remarked.

"W-Who says I did?" Yuuri clasped Viktor's hair, pulling him closer and flicking his tongue across his lips as an invitation for the other man to start doing the same. 

"When you first asked me to kiss you. Remember? It was at the county fair... on the Ferris wheel?" 

Yuuri blinked, snapping somewhat out of his trance. Here he was, shirtless in the back of his car with Viktor hovering over him, arms around each other and lips swollen from the amount of kissing he’d been doing. ‘What the hell did I just get myself into?’ Yuuri asked himself, but more importantly, the real question was, how was he to get out of this situation?

Viktor ignored his silence and decided to take things to the next level. All he managed to do was slip his hand below Yuuri’s pant-line, daring to move his hand under the elastic…

“Viktor, that’s enough.” He pushed the other man away and sat up to search for his shirt.

“I’m sorry… I thought that you-“ Viktor appeared to be embarrassed now while wearing a guilty expression on his face. “I won’t do that again…”

“No, you won’t.” Yuuri buttoned his shirt up, taking a deep breath, “I’d like to go home now, please.”

Viktor sighed. “Yuuri, you know I wouldn’t ever want to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry if I did, that wasn't my intention."

"Let me out."

"Let me give you money for the tow truck, at least." Viktor fished into his pocket for his wallet. He attempted to offer Yuuri money, but it was swatted away. 

"I don't want to be seen without a car at school, but I don't want your old one." Yuuri looked down at his hands. "I'm going to have to buy a new car."

"Why don't you then?"

"Why do you think, Viktor? Money doesn't grow on trees and I'm already miles behind on my bills this month. I won't have any power after this, I just know it. People around here can't just buy expensive things like you apparently can. It doesn't work that way." Yuuri immediately regretted sharing his financial struggle with a man he barely knew anymore. He opened his car door, relieved upon the sudden cool air hitting his flushed skin. The restaurant parking lot was empty save for the two of them. "I should start walking."

"Why won't you let me help you?" Viktor followed Yuuri down the street like a lost puppy. "I don't want you living like that. You can stay at my house if you–"

"I won't allow myself to be your charity case just so you feel better about yourself! If I stay in your house, you'll make me feel bad, so I'll want to make it up to you and then I'll end up doing something I'll regret!" Yuuri covered his face with his hands, wincing as Viktor placed his hands on his shoulders from behind. He focused his gaze on the stoplight ahead; anything but Viktor would do...

"Yuuri... you want to keep your job, don't you? Well, your peers will begin to notice your lack of sleep and you barely changing clothes. They've already told me things. If you stay with me, you can save your pay checks towards a new car and then buy a nicer place."

"You're hilarious, Viktor. Honestly," Yuuri zipped his jacket to distract himself when Viktor attempted to hug him from behind. "j-just stay away from me! We're not a couple and I won't be pitied. I can take care of myself now and I don't need you.."

"You kissed me back. You could've pushed me away but you didn't. So... you wanted me."

"For about two seconds, now GO away.." Yuuri elbowed Viktor in the gut. 

"I'll call you!"

"Leave me alone, Viktor!!"

The loud grumble of thunder overhead wanted otherwise. Yuuri knew he couldn't walk back during a thunderstorm. He didn't have much of a choice other than to go with Viktor. 

"I live just down the road. I have a truck, I'll tow your car myself if you want. Free of charge." He offered, extending a hand to Yuuri. He hesitated. "I can drop you off back at your house, too."

Yuuri carefully took his hand, frowning at the man. "Well, let's go then. I don't want to get caught in the rain... I guess one night at your house won't hurt anything." His roof commonly leaked during rainstorms, especially above his bed. He didn't feel like getting drenched tonight. 

"That's the spirit!" Viktor's eyes lit up like those of a child as he tugged Yuuri towards his truck. "Do you want to get dinner someplace? Doesn't have to be anything fancy, but I don't think I have anything at the house."

"I ate earlier." The pair walked towards he only other vehicle in the parking lot... Viktor's truck. As if he were a true country boy, which he knew Viktor was the farthest thing from.  
Yuuri never imagined in any universe that Viktor would own a black pickup truck. It just... didn't match his soft and classy personality. He certainly hadn't seen it at school earlier either, which means he had at least three cars, counting the one he planned on giving to Yuuri.  
What would it be like to have that kind of luxury? His family only had one car when he was a child, and nobody was allowed to use it unless it was an emergency. Well... one day in his senior year, two days before he tried to kill himself, Yuuri took the car without permission and drove upstate to look at a college his parents didn't approve of. He really liked it and decided to apply there, but on the way back, he wrecked the car. Four flat tires and a busted windshield later, he really heard it from his parents. 

That was when Yuuri truly decided his fate. 

"So, what do you want?" Yuuri snapped to attention, realizing he was already in Viktor's truck and they'd been driving for a few minutes. He really needed to stop zoning out like that.

"Hmm? Where are we?" He rested his head against the window, closing his eyes once more. He didn't care where Viktor took him at this point. It'd been the most wild day of his life. And even though they hadn't spoken in years, everything seemed the same. He didn't feel like he had to make smalltalk.  
During his last weeks of high school, him and Viktor did this sort of thing all the time and Yuuri always loved it. He never cared where Viktor took him; anyplace was better than his small town. He had adored the wind in his hair when Viktor kept the windows down while driving across the empty, endless fields with his favorite music playing. He felt careless and forever young, maybe even free of the burdens he carried. Sometimes, he would fall asleep leaned against the window, but Viktor would always keep on driving until Yuuri woke up. It would be a lie if it was said that Viktor didn't sneak an adoring glance or two at him, though...  
All his troubles would melt away in that car, and it's where Yuuri could recall most of his happiest memories. 

Why was now any different?

"We're about five minutes from my house. I was going to get you something from here...?" Viktor gestured to the fast food restaurant in front of them. "We used to go here all the time after you got out of school, remember?"

"I try to forget those kinds of memories." He admitted. "But I'll just have my usual... I can pay for it, though. You don't have to."

"Don't worry about it. It's my treat!" Viktor smiled at him. "You know, you haven't changed much since high school."

"Neither have you. People in my class hated me for having a wealthy EMT as my boyfriend back then, can you imagine what people might say now? Phichit would probably tell everyone it's sugar daddy business." The younger of the two realized he hadn't spoken this much to anyone since before he left college, but with Viktor, he felt like an open book, and that he could tell him everything on his mind. It was different with other people. 

"Well, we weren't ever really dating back then. Not officially. Everyone at the station knew I went and saw you, but they never teased me about it." Viktor turned to the drive thru window where he paid the bored looking person inside. Yuuri thought they looked familiar, but he couldn't recall where he'd seen them before. "So I guess if we had made it official, I never would've heard the end of it."

"You were the only person who actually listened to me, so I didn't care if you wanted to date me or not. I loved you, platonic or not, but you never made it clear back then if you actually loved me as a friend or something more, yet it didn't seem to matter." Yuuri unconsciously moved a little closer to Viktor and rested his head on his shoulder. He didn't know why, and he didn't care why. It just felt right. 

"It took me a long time to figure it out. In fact," Viktor put the bag on the floor when Yuuri didn't offer to take it, "it wasn't until after you went away that I realized I loved you."

Yuuri felt his cheeks flush, but he was genuinely smiling at Viktor's words. He'd always known that Viktor had been in love with him back then, but to hear it was so much more. Sure, Yuuri told him he loved him plenty of times in the past, but he always made it ambiguous as to whether or not it was platonic or romantic. He didn't want to ruin the friendship they had. "I knew you did."

But now? 

He wasn't sure what he wanted.  
~~~  
The following morning, Yuuri woke up in an unfamiliar room on quite possibly the most comfortable bed he’d ever slept on. It felt like a cloud. A big, warm, fluffy cloud that he never wished to leave.

And he wasn’t alone on this cloud, either.

The person beside him was already awake too, reading a magazine with his legs crossed while only wearing his briefs. He didn’t remember falling asleep in the same bed as Viktor, in fact, he didn’t even remember arriving at the house. He must’ve fallen asleep against Viktor’s shoulder in the truck and got carried inside. That was fine… as friends they’d shared a bed plenty of times in the past, but…

The room was probably larger than Yuuri's entire apartment. There was a leather sofa in front of a flat screen TV, which was on some local news station. All polished light hardwood flooring, but rugs rested under the couch and the bed they were laying on. A large bay window sat in the center wall of the room overlooking a pond, and perhaps did he see remnants of the Potomac River down the hill? Or the Shenandoah? Yuuri couldn't see without his glasses. There was a large sliding door that led onto a balcony, a glass door leading into a bathroom fit for a king, and another that presumably led to the rest of the house. Yuuri couldn't believe that this was just one room of an entire house. 

“I need to go...” Yuuri was quick to get to his feet without giving Viktor a moment to process what was going on. “I don’t think we should keep doing this.”

“Doing what? We were just sleeping. Nothing happened.” The older tried to reason with Yuuri, who seemed to be so unpredictable.

“But it could’ve. I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore to prevent that.” 

“I’m sorry… what…?” Try as he may, Viktor Nikiforov just couldn’t seem to understand the way Yuuri’s mind was working anymore. One minute they were cuddling in his truck and Yuuri was talking about love, the next he’s acting distant and trying to get rid of him. It didn’t make any sense. “I don’t get what the problem is. Are you seeing someone else, is that it?”

“I’m not seeing you in the first place. But to answer your question, no. Not at the moment.” Yuuri put on his shirt and slacks without a moment’s hesitation. The only thing he couldn’t seem to find were his shoes. 

“So you’re single, and you know you like me. What’s the problem?”

“Just… just shut up. I have to go.” 

"Do you need a ride?" Viktor rolled his eyes at the stubbornness of his... well, what would be the right term for Yuuri? Ex, I suppose, for now. 

"I'll walk, thank you."

"It's ten minutes by car just to get to your school.." Viktor slipped his silk robe over his shoulders and quickly tied it. He attempted to follow the sound of Yuuri's footsteps through his mostly empty house. 

"Maybe mine will start back up." Yuuri called back to him. Try as he may, his curiosity tended to get the best of him and he couldn't help but look around the place. It wasn't modern; it had to be at least one hundred years old. It was spacious, and well furnished, but yet, it felt empty. There was no life in it. No pictures of family members on the wall or notes on the fridge as reminders. The sink was stacked with dishes as he passed the kitchen and the counters looked like they hadn't been cleaned since he moved in. Yuuri spied a door past the kitchen that led to a veranda. He decided to follow it and to his relief, somehow made it outside. 

And just like that, Viktor was left alone in his house, listening to the door bang shut. Despite the treatment he’d been given, he wasn’t ready to give up on Yuuri. 

The ground was wet and muddy from the rainstorm the previous evening had given them, so Yuuri was careful to stay on the walkway instead of going the quicker way through the grass. He had to have been two thousand yards from the river but he could already tell it had flooded overnight by the sound of the water roaring below him. It made him a bit nervous, the way high water always did, and especially when he realized that the only way he could get away from Viktor's house was to go down the road, which meant potentially being very close to the risen water. 

He decided to risk it. 

Luckily, his car started, and Yuuri turned on his GPS, seemingly home free. The car seemed to be running wonderfully, his radio was even working, and if he kept up the pace, he'd be a full thirty minutes early for work! Finally, things seemed to be going his way.

Before him was a large hill to drive over. He stepped on the gas, knowing his car didn't usually do well on steeper roads, and it seemed to do well until he reached the top, but it only hesitated a little bit. From here, Yuuri could see the road and river were dangerously close to each other. "This is fine. I'll just drive extra slowly. This is totally fine." He repeatedly told himself, driving less than five miles per hour down the step ledge. About three seconds later, Yuuri noticed his breaks starting to give out. 

"No.. no no no!!!" He shrieked as the car's velocity increased rapidly and he could already see death was on the horizon if he didn't figure something out. The only thing he could currently do was control the steering wheel and slam the breaks. He even tried the emergency break, but it seemed to be out of service.  
All he could see ahead of him was the river's water licking at the edge of the road, waiting to suck him in. 

Yuuri knew there was only one thing left to try.  
Holding his breath, he unbuckled, counted to three, and jumped out of his car, hitting the ground with a hard thud. 

Wind knocked out, he laid on his side and watched his car somersault three times before it slid down on its side and finally reached the bottom of the hill, slipping directly into the river. It was consumed completely, but he could still see its lights flashing ominously under the depths. Had he been in the car, he would've been knocked unconscious and drowned, because no one would've come looking for him. He felt chills run down his spine and glanced briefly at the heavens, wondering why at his last second he chose to live when he was so clearly given the opportunity to die. 

Wow, what an adrenaline rush! This was karma getting back at him for not accepting Viktor's offers to both get him a new car and drive him to work that day. He knew he should probably call someone about this, but at the moment, Yuuri was just so mentally drained that he continued walking down the road. He was definitely going to be late for work.  
~~~  
A full thirty minutes late, Yuuri received nothing but glares from the staff as he trudged down the hall towards his classroom. His shoes were soaking wet and he was certain that most of his body under his clothes was terribly scratched up. He couldn't go in there looking like that. 

Who would know where spare clothing was hanging around? Yuuri briefly remembered running a donation drive the month before and storing it all away in the gym. Perhaps it was still there? 

To his horror, he found the gym to be occupied by the preschool and kindergarten classes, their teachers, and their obnoxious instructor: Jean Jacques Leroy. How would he get past them?  
He would just have to be nonchalant. 

He slowly opened the gym door and kind of just slid against the wall, avoiding making his presence known. But of course, they noticed. 

Phichit apologized to the kindergarten teacher he'd been talking to and stalked over to his friend. "Yuuri, where the hell were you?!" He whispered harshly and dragged Yuuri towards– thank god– the storage closet. "We called you like fifty freaking times!!! You can't just show up late without saying anything! Principal Feltsman is going to fire you unless you have a very good reason."

Yuuri sat down on one of the storage boxes, closing his eyes. "Phichit, you'll never believe the past twelve hours I've had. But first I need your help. Do we still have those charity drive boxes? I could really use something else to wear."

In just a few minutes the two had found some very baggy jeans that fit Yuuri somehow and a plain, white tee shirt. Anything else seemed to be ripped, stained, or ten sizes too small. 

But when Yuuri had taken off his old shirt, he was horrified at the site of his abdomen and ribs. They were already turning yellow and in some places purple from the bruising, but thank god there was no blood. To be safe, he wore a tank top underneath the shirt in case it did. 

"Now, I want to know everything. On one hand, you look horrible, and on the other, you look like you just slept for ten years and are completely at ease." Phichit glanced out from the closet to check on the children. Mr. Leroy had them racing against each other. 

"Okay... so... that guy I was going out with never showed up last night." Yuuri began, "and before you pity me, know that isn't how my night ended." How should he put the next part without sounding like some kind of slut? "My car wouldn't start–"

"Again? For real, why aren't you getting a new one?" His friend cut into the story, receiving a glare from the teller. 

"And I was alone. Then... somehow, someway, Viktor happened to be in the same place as me. He offered to tow my car for me, and well..." 

"You fucked. You definitely fucked." The preschool teacher stood, resting his back against the wooden wall behind him. "You little slut.."

"Okay, nothing like that happened. I fell asleep and he didn't know where I lived. I spent the night at his house and left on time for work, I should add, but my breaks gave out on a hill on the river, and you know how high the water has gotten... so I jumped out. And now, my car is somewhere at the bottom of the Potomac river along with my phone, wallet, and keys to my apartment."

Phichit stared at him blankly for a good twenty seconds before exclaiming: "Yuuri, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"...what?"

"You just got in a terrible accident and you're acting like you're fine!! You need to go to the hospital! Why the hell would you come to work?!" His friend's face was red from being worked up, but Yuuri just couldn't seem to understand what the fuss was about. 

"But Phichit, I'm fine." He said softly as he attempted to calm his friend down. "I didn't get hurt or anything."

"Do you really want to lose this job? I just can't figure out what's wrong with you. Ugh.." Phichit grabbed Yuuri's arm and pulled him out of the closet, past the children and out into the hall towards the office. "You're going to explain to the principal what happened, and then you're going to go to the hospital."

"I can't afford that." Yuuri looked down, pulling away from him. "I'll explain, but I won't be going anywhere."

"God... you're acting so stupid." Phichit's voice was a little louder than it should've been. "Why do you treat yourself like shit? Why don't you let people take care of you? Like, Viktor.. he could treat you RIGHT, but here you are with your stupid, selfish ass not letting him and because of what?!"

"Because maybe I'm still hurt? Maybe something so terrible happened to me not very long ago from a man and I'm not ready to date!! Maybe you should mind your own business for once and leave me alone until you understand yourself." Yuuri clenched his fist at his side, knowing fully well that soon somebody would come and shout at them, saying they were disrupting class. 

"You always want to be left alone. You're such a freak, Yuuri! Sometimes, I wonder why you're even here. You don't fit in and you just popped up in this town out of nowhere. You creep everyone out and make us uncomfortable. Did you know that's what the other teachers say about you?"

"I-I've lived here since I was three. The only people that are uncomfortable around me are selfish pricks like you that don't understand that perhaps some people who are in pain need a little space instead of being smothered, do you ever think about that? Of course you don't. You've only had a perfect life. You don't care about me and wish I wasn't here, because I ruin that image of yours." Yuuri turned towards the opposite direction and stormed down the hallway, ignoring Phichit's warning calls after him. Mr. Giacometti was sitting outside of his classroom, wide eyed, when Yuuri passed him. He was certain that was the most Yuuri had spoken all year. 

He went back into his classroom and grabbed the phone off his desk, calling the front office. "Mr. Feltsman? We have a situation. Yuuri and Phichit just got into it."

Principal Feltsman had just about had it that day. Knowing that both Yuuri and Phichit had done wrongs, he went for Yuuri first. 

Paging directly to where he knew Yuuri was, he said: "Would Mr. Katsuki please come to my office?"  
~~~  
To be brief, Yuuri was told that he was one event away from being fired and that this disturbance was going on his record. Principal Feltsman criticized him for coming to school after being in an accident and told him he should leave. "If you think you'll have to show up late tomorrow, don't come in at all. Do you need a ride home? I'm sure you can call someone."

Yuuri knew there was only one person he could call, but he knew he'd also regret doing so. "No thanks. I'll walk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was wild. 
> 
> Anyone who lives on the Potomac river knows that it can be very dangerous after heavy rain. No lie, about two years ago we had a really bad rain storm. The river flooded and took out a row of houses :))
> 
> Glad Yuuri didn't meet his final destination tho, right? PSA, as we Americans say upon the sighting of high water, "turn around, don't drown"


	3. Better Days Ahead?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donuts, carryout, and flashbacks to the past. Are better days just around the corner?

Viktor had yet to leave the station where he both worked and lived while fighting his way through a bachelors degree. He wanted to be a counselor at first, but then decided on a full on school psychologist. It would take years, and he liked the idea of that. He didn't want change just yet. 

"Hey lover boy, don't you have some place to be?" One of his friends, Christophe Giacometti– who wasn't an EMT (but his father was) and always hung out at the station– suddenly appeared beside him. 

"I won't be seeing him today. I have way too many chores." Viktor continued fiercely scrubbing the mud off the side of the bright red ambulance. 

"What did you do to deserve this? Isn't this usually someone like Minami's job?" Chris lit a cigarette between his lips and offered Viktor a turn, but he refused. 

"I apparently wasn't working hard enough today. I forgot to do those dishes, so Chief's all fired up at me." Viktor wiped the sweat from his hairline and admired his work. He sprayed down the vehicle and it glistened in the early spring sunshine. 

"Celestino can be such a prick. Don't tell him I said that, though," Chris agreed. "But anyway, why are you still seeing this kid? It's been weeks since his accident and pretty much everyone's over it now. Don't tell me your still shaken up over it."

"You weren't there, Chris," Viktor sighed softly, "this was the first time I had to see a kid cause his own injuries. I've never had someone young die on me before either, and this one came really, really close. I-If I hadn't been able to revive him, I... don't know how I would have been able to live with myself."

"But you did it, Viktor." Chris rested his hand on his friend's shoulder. "And now it's time to move on. You've saved countless people since. This boy is nobody special. This boy can only cause trouble for you once people start finding out you're into guys."

"I think you're wrong, Giacometti. And his name is Yuuri by the way, and he goes to Pott Springs High School. He's a senior and–"  
"And I think you're in love with him."

Yuuri sat on a bench by the parking lot of his school, hugging his bag close to his chest as he waited for his sister to come get him. He'd only been released from the hospital a few days back– after a three week stay, he was determined stable enough– and now he was focused on catching up on his work. It was the first week of April, so graduation was still nearly two months away. He just might be able to catch up on the work, but he didn't know. 

As he wound the stems of flowers together to form a crown, he also thought about senior prom, which he didn't plan on going to of course, and most importantly graduation day. June 3rd...  
And he wanted to invite Viktor, but they hadn't seen each other in almost five days. How would he just approach him and ask? It would be weird for him to go down to the station. He couldn't possibly do that. 

Yuuri glanced at his watch. No surprise, his sister was almost forty five minutes late. He knew she wasn't coming because she'd probably fallen asleep on the couch, and even if she did wake up, she'd wait for Yuuri to walk home himself. "You're an adult now, you don't need me holding your hand, do you?" She'd always say. 

It was cloudy and looked like it was about to rain. Wonderful.  
Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Yuuri trudged down the sidewalk towards the front of the building. From here, he could see the emergency service station where Viktor worked. Maybe he could walk by, without stopping in, just to see if Viktor was there? He blended in most of the time. Nobody would look up. 

'Yeah, I can do that', Yuuri told himself. 

He crossed the main intersection with full confidence of his blending in skills, but once he got across and started passing the station, he regretted his choices. 

Water dripped from a freshly washed ambulance as two men leaned against it, one puffing from a cigarette while the other tied his long, light hair into a messy bun. Fuck. 

Yuuri couldn't turn around. All he could do was go forward as quickly as possible and pray Viktor wouldn't stop him. 

He was almost, almost out of sight when he heard someone jogging after him. 

"Yuuri! Hey, wait up!!" 

Yuuri flinched, slowing his pace so that his friend could walk beside him.  
Viktor was soaking wet from a mix of sweat and water, and his face was a peach color from staying in the sun. He didn't smell like his usual self– Yuuri couldn't decide if he typically drowned himself in aftershave or just always smelled good, but today he was tempted to tell Viktor he needed a shower. "Hey, stranger! What are you doing back here?"

"I got sent home, finally, and my parents gave me a whopping one day off before I was sent back to school. I'm just walking home now since my sister forgot to pick me up. Well, technically her boyfriend did, but they're glued together." Yuuri gripped onto the straps of his backpack as they continued walking down the cracked sidewalk. 

"You told me that you live out of town a ways." Yuuri couldn't help but notice how cute Viktor looked in his navy blue uniform shirt, and how even though it was nearly eighty degrees out, he still had it neatly tucked in to his dark blue jeans. His boss must be strict about appearance, or maybe Viktor just liked looking perfect. 

"It's just a few miles. I can walk it." Yuuri responded blankly. 

"That's an awful long way when it's about to rain. How about I give you a ride?"

"You don't have to. I've done it before, plenty of times." Yuuri forced a smile. "Um... you should probably go back to work."

Viktor glanced back at Chris, who merely motioned him to keep going. "I think I can spare a couple minutes for you. My car's around back. Let's go!" Yuuri gasped upon feeling Viktor take his arm. The two of them walked down to the back parking lot where a few people were cooking something that smelled like a major barbecue was about to occur. 

"Hey, Viktor! Minami here actually knows how to grill!" A young woman wearing similar attire to Viktor called out to him. "Where are you going?"

"I'm taking my friend home. I'll be back in like thirty minutes, okay? Save some of that for me."

Yuuri quietly climbed into the passenger seat of the pristine, white convertible. The top was still up, tragically. Yuuri always wondered what it would be like to sit in a convertible with the top down.

Viktor drove out of the parking lot and onto the main drag. "Which way to your place?" 

"Keep going straight for a ways. You'll be in the woods when you know it's close." The younger gripped onto his seat belt for support. The ride began silent, and he hated that. If he didn't say something soon, how would Viktor know about graduation? He thought of something basic to say. "Um... thanks, by the way..."

"It's no problem. I like having excuses not to do chores." Viktor reached into the center compartment and took out some very shiny, very expensive looking sunglasses. "Damn, it's bright out here. Do you want the air–"

"Viktor, will you please come to my graduation?" Wait, what was that?! Yuuri's face turned bright red and his mouth hung agape. He had to think of something to save himself from this embarrassment. "Um... I.. I mean.."

"Well, when is it?" Yuuri was ready to jump out of the car. He couldn't read Viktor's expression under those sunglasses. 

"June third. Y-You don't have to go..."

"I'll be back there anyway. You know how the firehouse runs the carnival every year behind your school? Well, I'll be in charge of setting it up. I'll definitely come." Viktor was... still straight faced..? This wasn't good. It couldn't be.

"Um... thanks."

"And what about senior prom, have you found a girl you like enough to ask?" Viktor did not just bring that up. That's it. This ride was official the most awkward conversation they'd yet to have.

"I-I'm not going."

Conveniently, Viktor was forced to stop in front of a railroad track as a train slowly chugged by. It vibrated the car.  
Yuuri watched the graffitied carts tumble by, just knowing that Viktor was going to continue nagging him about prom. 

"Why not? Haven't you even asked anyone to go with you? This is like- the most iconic moment of the high school experience. I missed out on mine, so you can't do the same. I won't let it happen." That's right, because Viktor dropped out of school shortly after the beginning of senior year to study to become an EMT. His parents had been less than pleased.

"Everyone pretty much had their date chosen back in like September. I don't like any girls in my class, all the boys either are going with one or just going to get smashed instead, and nobody likes me in my entire class. I'm labeled a freak now, remember? So I'm planning to stay home and watch TV Land all night. Besides... e-even if I wanted to go, I don't do well at parties by myself." Yuuri exhaled after his mini speech and felt somewhat better after ranting. Maybe Viktor would understand now.

The train disappeared down the tracks, and the car slowly continued forward. "So you just need a date then. I could always hook you up with one of the younger people at the station." 

Yuuri chuckled humorlessly. "I'd rather you not– turn left here."

Once again, the pair was silent. Yuuri pointed towards a street called "Rhododendron Road" which was all dirt, single lane, and no houses in sight. Rain started to fall from the sky as the car came to a complete stop due to Viktor realizing his car probably wouldn't fit down, and even if it did, he wouldn't like mud on its all white exterior. 

"Alright then, Yuuri, how about I take you to prom myself?" 

Yuuri froze as he had been unbuckling. "W-What? Are you serious..?" His voice was as soft as the rain hitting the window, but his eyes lit up like the sky. 

Viktor loved that look. "Sure. I mean, I never got to go to mine, and my friends say I need to do stuff outside the station more often. I think it'll be fun, but I'll forewarn, I'm an excellent dancer."

Yuuri smiled brightly despite the tears forming in his eyes and threw his arms around Viktor's neck tightly. Viktor didn't hesitate to hug back. He never stopped thinking about how cute this boy was and was confident in deciding to be his friend. Yuuri couldn't believe that for once, he'd actually get to go to a school dance with somebody. He'd BE someone for a day. The only problem was going to be finding something to wear. 

Wiping his eyes, Yuuri pulled back. "Well, I'll... see you at prom, I guess. I'll pay for the tickets and everything, okay? Thanks again for driving me home."

"It's cool. Anytime you need a ride home, just let me know, Yuuri. I'd be more than happy to take you."

"Okay! Goodbye, Viktor.." Yuuri blushed. He backed away from the car, watching his friend's every move. 

"Bye, Yuuri."

When the car disappeared down the endless road, Yuuri couldn't help but laugh to himself at the sudden turn of events and the unbelievable idea that he actually had a date to prom. He'd get to dance with someone at his senior prom. 

Yuuri felt lightheaded.

~~~  
At the current time and due to a lack of transportation or energy, Yuuri spent the rest of the day at his apartment. The door was already unlocked when he got home, thankfully, and he went straight to bed. 

Since his phone was at the bottom of a river currently, he knew nobody could contact him, but secretly wondered if anyone actually would anyway.  
Namely: Viktor. 

Viktor had been so sweet to him the evening before, and kind enough to let him stay at his house and tow his car for him, never asking a thing in return. And how weird was it that the minute Yuuri tried to leave him, his car literally plunged into a river? It was like the universe was trying to tell him to stay. 

Universe or not, he knew it wasn't right for him to have just left like that without at least thanking him for helping out. By the time evening rolled around, Yuuri's guilt got the better of him and he decided to leave his apartment to find a phone to use so he could call Viktor (thanks to a certain someone conveniently leaving his number on a note on Yuuri's jacket pocket) and apologize for his behavior. 

He knew that it was possible Viktor wouldn't want to talk to him at all, but he still wanted to get it off his chest.

Just before seven thirty, he found an extremely old phone booth behind a construction store. To his great relief, it still worked, but it looked like the only people who used it were serial killers and people who were outcasts from society, which he definitely was.  
His only worry now was that Viktor wouldn't answer the unfamiliar number, but he had to take that risk. 

Ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing... ring–  
"...Hello?"

"Viktor?" He sighed softly, closing his eyes. "It's Yuuri. Do you have a minute to talk?"

There was a brief pause, but that could just be the crappy signal. "Sure. What's up?"

Yuuri could only think about Viktor's empty house, and that of course he would have a minute to talk because it seemed like he wasn't close with anyone. He had to be terribly lonely, and yet he always looked so happy. It hurt Yuuri's heart to think about what Viktor might've been hiding behind that smile. "I just wanted to apologize for how I acted this morning... a-and last night, too. I should've thanked you, for all you did and I acted like a real jerk... I'm really sorry about it."

"It's alright, Yuuri. I understand... I tried calling you earlier, but you didn't answer. Why didn't you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. My car's breaks gave out going down that mountain of a road by your house and–"

"Plunged into the river. I know. I saw it on my way to work." Viktor cut him off. "I had a neighbor fish it out for you. It's just about in pieces, but we managed to get your stuff out of it. It's all at my house... I could bring it to you tonight if you want."

Yuuri's mouth hung open like a catfish's while he processed what he just said.

"Yuuri?"

"Why... why are you always so kind to me despite how mean I've been to you? It makes no sense... and yet you still do it." Yuuri stuffed another quarter into the coin slot to shut up the automated message about time running out. 

"Because, as I've always said, you deserve a good life, and I'm just trying to make that happen." Viktor was too good to be true. This couldn't be a real human. 

"Well then, Viktor, I'd like to make it up to you." Yuuri's face started to feel hot as an idea popped into his head. "Um... a-are you free on Saturday?"

"I have to be somewhere until ten, but I am after that. Why?"

'You can do this Yuuri,' the younger encouraged his own self, taking several breaths to calm down, 'the worst thing that could happen is rejection, and we're used to that. Here goes nothing..'

"Then would you– do you... maybe want to go out on a date with me?" There, he did it. It was all downhill from here. Not literally, because he wasn't planning on taking a swim. 

"A date..?" Viktor's voice was suddenly very quiet, as if he was just as surprised as the person who somehow summoned the courage to ask. "Sure, I'd love to! What time should I be there? Where do you want to go?"

While Yuuri felt flustered, he also felt a warmth in his heart that hadn't been there in a long time. "Say... ten thirty? If that works for you? We could go out for breakfast first– my treat this time– and then I have someplace else in mind."

"Sounds great. Thank you, Yuuri."

"Ha... you're welcome, I guess," Yuuri bit his lip as he was nearly out of change and the automated voice returned. "Viktor? I have to go now. I'll uh... I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Yep. Thank you for calling me, I really appreciate it. See you later."

Yuuri hung up the phone after he said goodbye and while he never felt more relieved and accomplished, he'd never felt so out of breath. How long had he been holding it? 

He decided that instead of waiting inside for Viktor that he'd sit on the stairs leading up to his apartment. It was safer, and besides, he didn't really want him to see where he lived now. He was too emotionally drained for embarrassment. 

Resting his chin in his hands as he listened to the music on his old iPod's playlist entitled: Things That Make Me Happy. He didn't remember ever creating the playlist, but he was starting to notice a pattern in the music. Sure, they weren't all love songs, but every single one of them reminded him of the Viktor he knew when he was younger. 

Yuuri smiled fondly at the memory, but questioned how neither of them possibly didn't figure out their love for each other. It was so blatantly obvious.  
He didn't want to make the same mistakes again this time around, if their date did work out.

Eighteen year old Yuuri might've been disappointed with how things turned out after graduation, and if Yuuri had the chance, he'd go back and change the events so that he never left Viktor, but he knew it couldn't be so. Life wasn't always fair– though, he didn't get that part until someone beat it into his memory, but it was okay now. He figured things out. 

Yuuri's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car parking in front of the now closed convenience store. Sure enough, it was Viktor.  
He hurried down the steps to meet him, before Viktor could even get a chance to see the front door. 

Viktor had just gotten out of his car by the time Yuuri was on the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag filled with the damp items in Yuuri's car, which the latter took from him and rested on a bench. The two didn't know what to say at first.

The sun was slipping down over the mountains and the streets were quiet as everyone sat inside having dinner or spending time with their families, so they were completely alone save for the birds chirping overhead and the wind blowing through the trees.  
Yuuri stepped closer. "Thank you, for everything."  
"You know it wasn't a problem." Viktor's face remained expressionless, but his eyes were sparkling. "I... was in the area anyway. Just trying to find a place to stop and eat that wasn't McDonald's, you know?" He chuckled. 

Yuuri nodded, tilting his head up to meet Viktor's gaze. "Do you want to stay for dinner? I know a great carryout place down the road."

"Dinner would be great. I'd love to." Viktor smiled, wrapping his arms around Yuuri's middle, and Yuuri snuggled himself into his chest. This was nice. He missed this. 

And much as he missed Viktor's hugs, he was starting to get really hungry. "So, um... can I borrow your phone so we can call for dinner? I have the number memorized."

"Is food still always your first thought? You haven't changed a bit." Viktor gently kissed the top of his head. "Uh... sorry. I shouldn't have done that without–"

"It's fine.. you can do that, but always ask about the lips." Yuuri pulled back. "Give me your phone. You should go park your car around back in my spot or Mrs. Beckett will have it towed."

"Haha... wait, you're serious?" Viktor looked like he was hurrying to save a child from a burning building as he jogged over to his pride and joy– another convertible, but this one was a bright red. It looked old, maybe Viktor bought a vintage model and had it refurbished. The seat was a light leather materiel and the steering wheel was huge, too.  
"How old is this car?" Yuuri walked over to its side and touched the door. He couldn't help but remember Viktor's old car and was blasted with nostalgia. "And what happened to my baby?"

"Ah, this was my dad's. He's always been a real motor enthusiast so I bought this one from him. As for your baby, after we pretty much wrecked it, my dad scrapped it for parts to help build this one back up. She's still here, Yuuri, and she misses you."

"Awww, that's too bad he tore it apart. I liked it better than this rusty bucket of bolts." He teased. "Anyway, get this thing out of here!"  
~~~  
The following morning, Yuuri woke up in a much better mood than he had the day before. He knew that his class was going on a field trip today to a boring art museum, which should've been a downer, but he was really thinking about getting to see Viktor again. 

Honestly after last night, he just wanted to kiss him. 

But he'd save that for tomorrow– if at all!!– on their date. 

.... wait a minute.

Blinking, Yuuri realized he wasn't in his usual sleeping place; he was on the rickety pullout couch bed. He must've fallen asleep there last night with… oh fuck. 

Glancing to his left, he sighed at the sight of sleeping beauty Nikiforov, snuggled into his pillow with the most content of expressions on his face. Yuuri remembered now, after dinner they'd been watching movies on an old black and white channel. Viktor wasn't planning on spending the night; he was going to leave as soon as the movie was over. Then, about halfway through the second film, they'd somehow started holding hands, after that Yuuri strangely ended up in Viktor's lap, and that's where he fell asleep. 

It looks like Viktor either fell asleep too, or just decided to stay. 

How awkward. People would see that fancy convertible in Yuuri's parking space. They'd ask questions. What would he say? And would anyone believe him if he simply said a friend was staying overnight, especially if that 'friend' was his only known ex boyfriend?

Yuuri reached for his phone to check the time. It was just after five, which meant he had maybe an hour and a half until he had to leave for his morning jog before and to work. He was going to be extremely early today so that he wouldn't get fired. What would Principal Feltsman think of him if he was the first one there? Probably a lot more kindly for starters. 

Yuuri smiled, pushing himself out of bed. He needed to find something clean to wear for work. 

He was quiet as a mouse when moving about his apartment so he wouldn't wake Viktor. He wanted to enjoy this moment, to think about how things might be if they were ever to live together. 

Also, it was interesting how they'd somehow wound up together two nights in a row. Just something for Yuuri to think about. He distractedly turned the handle for the shower and was surprised when the water turned warm. He hadn't had much water to begin with, but warm? Strange.

He slipped under the hot stream, dipping his head back as he enjoyed the heat. His apartment was always so cold.... he wondered if Viktor would complain about being cold when he woke up. 

Knock, knock. "Yuuri? Can I come in?"

Great. 

"Yeah.. I'm in the shower though."

He felt Viktor's presence in the room and listened to the water from the sink running. "Do you have any mouthwash?"

"Um... yeah. Top shelf in the cabinet."

'I am literally just inches away from Viktor, completely naked and all that separates us is a very thin curtain. What if he wants to shower? He'll see the bruises. He'll—'

"Hey, this is going to sound stupid, but, do you mind if I rinse off really quickly? I think I still have soda in my hair from last night's explosion."

To say no would make everything awkward. To say yes might influence a romantic encounter. Yuuri knew, however, that Viktor wouldn't take things too far unless Yuuri explicitly asked him to. It'd be fine. "Um, yeah, sure." Yuuri poured a little bit too much soap into his hands and started to wash his hair to keep himself busy. Viktor stepped into the shower and sighed softly at the soft flow of the water. His reached the top of the faucet, so he had to bend a little bit to not hit his head. 

Why wasn't Viktor ever awkward when showing himself naked? He just didn't seem to care. Yuuri on the other hand, pushed himself into a corner to hide his body which had come a long way since high school. He'd gained twenty pounds, lost about fifty, then gained another thirty over the span of six years. Stretch marks littered his inner thighs, hips, and stomach. Viktor probably wouldn't like them. His body hadn't changed at all. 

His muscles had always been well-defined, he was in top physical condition. 

"Hey Viktor... did you ever get that tattoo removed?" Yuuri asked quietly. He couldn't seem to find it, but the fact he didn't have his glasses on could've been the reason why.

"You know, I thought about getting it removed. We were so crazy drunk that night that I wonder if we were sober, would we have gotten matching tattoos at all?" Viktor turned to face him, taking Yuuri's hand and placing it below his collar bone, somewhere along his chest. Yuuri was literally blindly fondling Viktor's chest. In. The. Shower. "See? I kept it. I didn't want to get it removed unless you got yours, and besides, since it's in Japanese, nobody knew what it said."

Yuuri squinted carefully at the print on the other man's chest. "I knew you wouldn't. That's why I kept mine." He turned around, motioning for Viktor to look at his shoulder blade. There it was. "My parents were so mad at me." He commented, "They called me a wild son of a bitch and threatened to not let me out of the house again."

"Well I'm glad it's still here. It's hot." The older man laid a kiss on the younger's shoulder. "Thanks for keeping it."

Chills ran down Yuuri's spine as he pressed his hands against the wall. "Can you... please do that again? I wasn't paying attention."

"Yuuri wasn't paying attention to the boy he was obsessed with in high school? I'm almost offended." Viktor had Yuuri taken aback when he snaked his arms dangerously low around the other's waist/pelvis, but he was careful where his hands laid. He pressed his cheek against Yuuri's tattoo, then began spreading kisses around the area. 

Yuuri gasped softly and couldn't help but push himself against Viktor's front, knowing fully well it was a mistake. Viktor, however, maintained boundaries. He knew Yuuri held a lot in him, and the way he tensed when being touched told him a bigger story than he'd probably like to hear. 

"May I wash the rest of your hair? You've still got a bunch of soap in it."

"Mm... mm-hmm.." the younger's body trembled, once again reminding Viktor that he needed to be careful.

Viktor turned Yuuri to face him and positioned him under the flow of the hot water. He gently ran his fingers through the charcoal colored tresses, watching the soap drip down Yuuri's neck and shoulders. 

As for Yuuri, he just stood there wide eyed, waiting for Viktor to reveal his true intentions. No man showered with Yuuri just to wash his hair; whether he wanted him to or not. 

"Would you like a ride to work today?" Viktor asked gently. "I'll take you if you want."

"Ahh... I think it's best if I walk." Yuuri admitted with a light blush to his cheeks. "Sorry... I'm not being very romantic."

"I didn't ask you to be."

Yuuri gasped. "W-what..?"

"Why would I force you into doing something you're clearly not ready for?"

"I-I don't know... that's how men usually are..." Yuuri stared at the ground, swallowing hard. 

Viktor took Yuuri's hand, causing him to flinch. "You know I'm not like that, Yuuri. I never have been, and I never will—" he was interrupted by a stifled sob coming from the person in front of him. "Yuuri?"

"You're right... I don't think I'm ready for any of this..." the shorter covered his eyes with visibly shaking hands, sucking in breaths as he sobbed into them. "You're... you are so different than what I'm used to and just when I think I'm ready f-for us...suddenly I see him, and I feel like I need to run away from you. It's not your fault, and I-I'm sorry. I just need to be alone now. I need you to go away from me!" Yuuri looked startled at the sudden raising of his own voice. "Please, Viktor."

Viktor immediately backed off. "Okay, I'll do just that. It's alright Yuuri..." he remained expressionless as he stepped out of the shower and quickly dried off. "I do want you to know I had a great time last night. We can do stuff like that only, if you want. It doesn't have to be romantic."

Yuuri sniffled. There was a brief pause before he spoke. "I'll think things over."

"Wonderful. I'll uh... I'll see you around sometime, huh?" Fully dressed, Viktor planned on leaving as quickly as he could so as not to upset Yuuri any further.

"Yeah... more like Saturday. I still want you to go out with me."

"Alright, cool. I'll be there. I promise."

Yuuri smiled faintly. "See you then."

All the way home, instead of feeling satisfied, all Viktor could feel was anger. Who, what kind of sick monster would hurt Yuuri in the way he just knew occurred? Yuuri was the sweetest, gentlest soul he'd ever met. How did he end up with someone who clearly broke him into a million pieces?  
Viktor didn't know.  
He didn't know, and he wanted to find out as soon as possible.

~~~  
"Wow, who brought donuts!?" Emil Nekola was the kind of guy to get excited over little things like this, because nobody ever brought anything to the "breakroom", (where he regularly hung out). "Mickey!! I think they've got your favorite, too!"

"If you're trying to poison me again, Emil, it's not going to work!" Mr. Crispino, or Mr. Mouse as he was shamefully known by his students, let the curiosity get the better of him and peeked into the break room. "Those are my favorites. Who would know that? And look, those nasty frosting filled ones you never shut up about are here too.. who did this?"

"Did what? What are you fussing about now, Michele?" Mila called from the front office.  
"Did I hear donuts? Get your asses out of there and save some for the rest of us!"

In the span of a few minutes, every teacher and staff member found something they liked from the large selection of donuts on one of the two tables, but they didn't seem to notice that one teacher was missing when trying to figure out who brought them in. It was a rare occurrence that they all got together when it wasn't time for a meeting, and everyone seemed to be in the most cheerful of moods.

"Has anyone seen Yuuri today? If you haven't, he's late." Principal Feltsman chose the last two donuts and stuffed them in a bag so he could save them for later. 

"He's already back in his classroom. Got here awfully early today for some reason.. I saw him on my way to get breakfast." Chris Giacometti glanced at Phichit, who had the guiltiest of expressions on his face.  
"He should be in here. I mean, whoever bought these meant for them to be shared, right?" But what was the point? The box was already empty. 

"Too late for that now!" JJ Leroy teasingly poked Phichit in the shoulder. "You could've saved him one, not that the little weirdo would've taken it anyway."

"And what were you two fighting about yesterday? I couldn't hear myself think." While Georgi was sensitive, he also enjoyed spilling tea and adored hearing the latest gossip. Besides, not much went on in the library. 

"Oh... basically... um..." Phichit didn't know which part of the story would be acceptable to tell the group, but he just blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "Yuuri can be a... a really weird and really awful person sometimes. Get this, him and Viktor have recently hooked up, Yuuri's trying to take advantage of it and so he pushed his car into the river so that he could get Viktor to buy him a new one! That's what we were fighting about. Everything he does is for attention now... and he was so rude about receiving help too." Phichit's conscience was eating him alive before he even noticed the person in question standing in the door way. 

"Yuuri, where were you yesterday? Ha, you had us worried!" Georgi was the first to plaster on a fake smile, nudging Chris to do the same upon the sudden appearance of the quietest faculty member. 

"I'm sure everyone was super worried." Yuuri smiled weakly, clasping his hands together. "I just wanted to let you all know that the first bus just arrived... so you should probably get back to your classrooms." And that's all he managed to say without tearing up. All the way to his classroom, Yuuri had to keep repeating to himself that he was not going to let Phichit, who had good reasons to be angry with him, and his comments ruin the good day he was going to have. Yuuri knew he had approximately thirty seconds to pull himself together, and he managed to do just that.

"Mr. Katsuki!!" Now, Yuuri tried not to pick a favorite in his class, but there was one child he particularly looked out for because he knew what her home life was like. She was the reason why Viktor would be frequently visiting the school.

"Good morning, Ms. Laine. Did you get the permission slip signed for me?" Yuuri tried to sound as cheerful as possible today, because he hoped that it would make the other students feel better too, especially her. 

"Yeah... my grandma signed it... is that okay? She said if uh.. if it didn't work she'd tell my mom to.."

"No, it's fine! I'm glad you're coming with us today. You're going to have a lot of fun." Yuuri took the slip from her and read over the note attached to it, but quickly folded it up without showing a reaction. 

This little girl was named Karen Laine. She showed up at the school in the middle of the year with no past education history. She could read and write a little, but her grades were always extremely low and she spent most of her time out of the class with someone to help her one-on-one. For a while, Yuuri couldn't figure out why she was doing so poorly; both parents were retired and spent all their available hours with their daughter, and they seemed nice enough, so what seemed to be the problem? Why wasn't she ever taught?

And then, just two weeks back, they found out why.  
The child's father was charged with twelve counts of rape, three for kidnapping and one for murder. Her mother was given similar charges. While it wasn't confirmed they'd ever done anything to the child, the school knew she needed to see someone professional about it.  
She now lived with her grandmother on the other side of town, but not much really changed for her. Yuuri felt awful for her and tried his best to make sure she did well in the school, but try as he may, it was nearly certain at this point that she'd be held back.  
Viktor would be working very closely with the school counselor (who was no help, honestly), the girl's guardian, and Yuuri himself, to ensure she got an education while dealing properly with the likely emotional and psychological damage she suffered from her childhood. 

Once his classroom filled with two dozen antsy children, he decided to speak up and give the good news. Turning from the white board where he'd written the date, he put on a smile for them. "Alright, everyone, as you know we're going on a field trip today to the museum. What do we have to remember? Any ideas?"

"No screaming in the hallways?" A child in the second row suggested. He was yelled at just the other day for doing what he said. 

"Okay, okay, that's one thing. Anybody else?... No ideas?" Silence. "No touching the artwork, silly! We simply can't have anything breaking in the museum. Let's all be respectable ladies and gentlemen for the whole trip. If you are, there won't be any homework this weekend."

Yuuri hated taking children on field trips, especially when the same parents volunteered as chaperones every damn time. The same parents who ran the PTA, the same parents who always sent in notes with the children's binders regarding why they believe their child should've gotten a better grade and called and bothered Yuuri about stupid stuff, like 'why wasn't my child given a part in the winter recital?1!1! :(' when Yuuri wasn't even in charge of the music department. 

Today, it was three women, known to be soccer moms, all with bob-cut hair, two were blondes and one was a brunette, all had less than two children and rich husbands who ran businesses out of town and lived in a suburban neighborhood with a dog and took Zumba classes. Yuuri asked them to spread out across the bus, but they ended up grouping together somewhere in the middle. 

Sigh. 

The people who ran the historical society would be better chaperones than these women. 

"Mr. Katsuki, what are you doing?" The child he sat with observed Yuuri's current hobby: making bracelets. He was growing quite good at it too, and he was making one for the boy next to him. "Before the end of the year I plan on making one of these for everybody in the class. This one will be yours, I think. Do you like these colors? You said once on your homework that you liked camo."

"You remember that?" The boy's face brightened up. "Wow, you're really good!"

"I try to remember a little bit about everyone," Yuuri explained to him, "it makes things more interesting!"

"That's cool, but... we don't know anything about you!"  
Several children nearby seemed to have been listening in now. Yuuri supposed that they too wanted some information. Rumors had been going on continuously for the year, and a few kids thought Yuuri was part of the FBI. 

"Well... what do you want to know about me?" Yuuri went back to forming the bracelet.

"Are you married?" 

"Ahh... no, I'm not married." Sometimes though, Yuuri wished he was. He couldn't help his face heating up at the idea. 

"But you at least have a girlfriend right? You're so nice, there's no way you've never had a girlfriend." A little girl across the aisle added to the conversation. 

"I've um... I have been in a relationship before, but I don't have a girlfriend." 'and I keep ruining the chance of getting a boyfriend', he wanted to add. 

"What about a boyfriend? My uncle has a boyfriend." The boy was on to him or something. Yuuri didn't know how to respond. Even the mother chaperones were listening now. 

"Eh, not yet. I do go on dates with men sometimes, and there is one that I really like, but I'm not sure if he wants to date me. He probably thinks I'm a little weird." He chuckled, holding up the finished bracelet. Perfect. 

"You need to ask him out on a date then!!!"

"Of course he would like you, who wouldn't like you??"

"You have to get married so I can come to the wedding! I've never been to a wedding before!!!"

Yuuri grinned at the responses he was given by the children who hadn't been taught homophobia yet. It saddened his heart to think that by the time they reached middle school, they wouldn't be so kind about it. "Alright, I'll go on a date with him if you all promise to behave at the museum. Is that a deal?"

Apparently, it was. 

When the bus stopped at the museum, one of the three mothers pulled Yuuri aside as if it were an emergency. It was the brunette... Diane, was it?

"Mr. Katsuki, I don't think I or any of the other parents at our school would feel comfortable with you enforcing your sexuality on our children. We'd all feel at ease in the future if you'd refrain from doing something like what happened on the bus again."

Yuuri looked to the heavens for strength. He nearly said: "But if I talked about fondling a naked woman or shoving my dick up her, it would've been okay because it's straight, right?!" but instead, he said something along the lines of:  
"I understand your concerns, Diane. I'll remember your input during future situations."

But really, people like her and the other parents were the same types of individuals who would sabotage Yuuri's most precious moments in the past, all for the "greater good of society"  
Yeah, he still felt the burn from that cigarette pressed to his neck on the night of prom as punishment for "ruining everyone's night"

Good old times. 

Even if their night had been ruined, Yuuri honestly didn't remember most of it other than the fact that he'd been there with Viktor and before the incident, had the time of his life.  
Smiling to himself as he and his students entered the building, he began to long for more experiences like that with Viktor. The man could be so passionate when he wanted to be...  
He could keep him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, everyone hates pretty much every character except Viktuuri, but I just want to reassure that the folks of the town will redeem themselves. 
> 
> Thanks for the love thus far! I'm considering adding the real life locations the story's chapters are based off, but I'm not sure yet. It just might help you all picture the area a little easier. Let me know!
> 
> xxx Reddy


	4. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor tells Yuuri a huge secret about his recent past in order to gain his trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most Played Song On Viktor's iPod in April 2011: I Found a Boy— Adele
> 
> Most Played Song on Viktor's iPhone in April 2017— I Won't Give Up— Jason Mraz
> 
>  
> 
> Real life location of the chapter: Harper's Ferry National Historic Park, Harper's Ferry, West Virginia.

"You're taking forever in there, Yuuri! Hurry up, I have a date tonight!" Mari, Yuuri's older sister, banged on the door of the only bathroom his childhood house had.

"So do I!!" Yuuri called as he continued getting ready for prom. Currently, he was drying his hair from the shower he'd had. He was so nervous, mostly about how his classmates would react to him bringing along a guy, especially a much older guy like Viktor was. Sure, he knew nobody would bother him, but stilllllll

"Never thought I'd hear that come from you."

"Shut up."

He combed his hair out of his eyes and decided to slick it back that way because he thought it looked nice. He would be going without glasses too, because he didn't want to feel nerdy at his prom.

"Mom, Yuuri won't get the hell out of the bathroom and there's someone in the driveway!"

Yuuri audibly gasped loud enough for his sister to hear. She laughed at him through the door. "That must be your date, right? Let me get a look at this specimen!"

"Mari, don't! He's just my friend and he's giving me a ride!" Yuuri fished through his sister's bathroom trinkets until he found a tube of very light pink lipstick. Should he? Nobody would notice in the dimly lit room, but he always felt like his lips were too pale. Mari was about to go outside and give Viktor the stare™, so he knew he had to hurry. He unwound the tube and glided it across his lips, rubbed them together, nodding at his reflection, and ran out of the bathroom.

"Mom, Dad, I'm leaving." His mom was in the kitchen making dinner, and his dad was sat at the table surrounded by bills and paperwork. He knew this wasn't the best time, but... "I said, I'm leaving."

Silence.

Yuuri frowned. "Is it okay if I stay out overnight?"

"Hmm." His mother kept her gaze primarily on the soup over the stove, but he could see that she had checked Viktor out from the window. She just wouldn't admit that.

"Dad? Can I?"

"Just go, Yuuri." His father snapped in a frustrated tone.

Yuuri nodded, backing away from the kitchen. He understood. "Well.... bye then."

Viktor was leaning against his convertible wearing a traditional black tux that he probably could afford to buy brand now. He'd just gotten a haircut, and his long hair was now— to Yuuri's shock— completely cut off and probably shorter than his own. He looked good. Like, really good. Why did Yuuri's heart start doing backflips? Why did the events inside the house suddenly fade away?

"Hi Viktor... you cut your hair!"

"It's getting too damn hot out for long hair," he offered his hand to Yuuri, who gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'll grow it back."  
He never did, though.

The prom scene was almost hilarious. The wealthier girls had their parents pay for actual limousines, and they exited them with a man on their arms in dresses more expensive than a year at college that they'd only ever wear once. The middle class were either dropped off or drove themselves, and people stood around taking pictures outside the school. One girl was screaming because the bottom of her dress stained. Others smiled till their faces looked creepy and complained when the pictures didn't turn out right.

Yuuri's parents didn't even care that he was going to prom like most families did. He'd worked hard to get here tonight; he had to save money and do little jobs for neighbors, he searched local thrift stores until he found a tux which he mended himself, and it was even more difficult to find shoes that matched.

Earlier that day, the only thing that his mother had said to acknowledge Yuuri's attendance was about Yuuri's tux taking up too much room in the closet. "You don't need this. You don't even like dances."

"Well, I'm going." Yuuri took it from her.

"With what girl? You don't have a girlfriend."

"I'm going with my friend. Viktor.. you remember him, don't you?" Yuuri desperately wanted approval, a bit of excitement or enthusiasm, but all he got was: "Mmm. You didn't wash those dishes today, did you?"  
A subject change. All he got was a subject change.

Viktor's mother knew he was taking a kid to prom (though she assumed it was a female) and said it was such a cute and kind thing to do for someone. She bought him a fitted suit and even offered to take his "date" out shopping for a dress. Viktor refused this, of course. She wasn't about to get a daughter in law, no matter how hard she wanted one.

"Yuuri? What comes first at prom?" Viktor opened the car door for him after parking in one of the limited spaces.

"There's a dinner, um... that starts now. Then there's the dance, and there's an afterparty too, but most people just go to a hotel." Yuuri smiled up at his date, blushing when Viktor took his arm.

"What time do your parents want you home?" He opened the gym door for him. Viktor was such a gentleman. Other seniors were staring now, then at their own dates who weren't treating them the same as Viktor was.

"Uh.. they don't care. I could stay out all night if I wanted." And he wanted to. His sister and her boyfriend would be back at the house by the time he got home. That meant they'd crash in Yuuri's room, which was bigger than Mari's comfy place on the couch. He didn't like to think about what went on in there when he wasn't around.

"Is that what you want?" Viktor cocked his head to the side, giving the boy a curious smile. "You want to join your friends at the hotel later?"

"What friends?" Yuuri chuckled. "I mean, it would be nice to stay elsewhere, but I don't want to go to the afterparty." He handed the staff member his and Viktor's ticket, and they walked over to a decorated table. White table cloth, candles, more forks than Yuuri knew what to do with, and a large buffet of food cooked by a volunteer staff. They sat across from each other, gaining the attention of several nearby teenagers, who were probably wondering: "isn't this the emo fuck who cuts himself?"

Yuuri felt like a million bucks in this room, and for some reason he couldn't stop blushing when he realized Viktor hadn't stoped staring at him. "What are you looking at?"

"I forgot to tell you this earlier, but you look beautiful tonight, Yuuri." Viktor rested his hand on his chin. "Absolutely beautiful."

"Oh, shut up. Don't be all romantic on me, you know I don't know how to take a compliment."

"You could start by saying 'thank you.'"

Yuuri took a long sip of his water. "Wow, is it hot in here? Ah, I guess it's just you." He had no idea how he got that idea in his head. It sounded extremely cheesy, but Viktor seemed to love his pickup line.  
He practically had a heart for a mouth. "Wow! That was pretty good."

Now, the younger felt at ease. "That's the worst one I've ever tried. I'm sorry, Viktor."

"No, no, it was cute." Viktor insisted, causing the younger to laugh at his own pickup line.

"Yuuri...? I didn't think you were going to show up!" Yuuri's attention turned to a young woman and her date approaching their table.

"Oh, hey Yuuko." Yuuko was a senior like himself, though she was a year older and just had a few children. Triplets, over the winter. He felt bad for her, but was relieved that the father— also a senior— was going to stick around. However, for now, the triplets lived with the grandparents.

He knew Yuuko to some extent; she lived on the road before his, she was a cheerleader and somewhat of a gossip. She apparently was in the hallway when Yuuri got rushed out into the ambulance and gave the full story to anyone who asked. Despite that, Yuuri wanted to stay on her good side.

Upon seeing who he was sitting with, Yuuko's smile faded. "...Yuuri...? What are you–" she leaned in, whispering harshly, " _what are you doing_?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing?" Yuuri repeated dumbly. "I'm at senior prom, just like everyone else."

"Yeah but," she quickly sat down beside Yuuri while completely ignoring his date, "you're making a scene... I mean, what were you thinking bringing a guy?!"

"I'm Viktor,"

"Whatever! You're going to make a complete fool of yourself." She rested her head in her gloved hands. "God... you've really done it now..."

"No guy has ever brought another guy as a date to prom. It just isn't allowed." Her date, Takeshi, added. "Every jock here is probably pining to kick your ass now. You're a target."

Yuuri turned to Viktor, who gave him a reassuring smile.  
"I'm Viktor Nikiforov, and we're just good friends. Nobody's going to hurt Yuuri tonight, not on my watch."

After the dinner was over, music started playing and the couples began merging onto the dance floor. Yuuri tapped his knee absentmindedly as he tried to figure out another thing to add to their conversation, when Viktor suddenly took his hands. "Let's dance!"

"Ah, o-okay..." the song currently playing was a modern love ballad by one of the most popular artists. The floor was a little crowded, and Yuuri noticed that he was the only man with a same-sex partner. He was turning pink again, so all he could think of doing was pressing his face against Viktor's shoulder as the two attempted to slow dance together. His hands were around Viktor's neck, while the latter held his waist. This was the closest they'd ever been to each other. Viktor's cheek felt cool against his heated skin, it was relieving. The only downside was him accidentally stepping on Viktor's toes now and then.

"Thanks for inviting me. Thanks for giving me such a pleasant prom experience so far." Viktor whispered against his ear.

"No, thank you for being here," Yuuri responded, "thank you for making every teenager's dream come true." eyes filling with tears, he added, "Thank you for making me feel like someone..."

They stayed on that floor for a lot longer than others did as the music continued on throughout the night. Yuuri felt happy... and Viktor was right, he was one heck of a dance partner. It was like a scene right out of a story book, the two dancing the night away, looking only at one another and having an absolute ball. That is until...

Viktor had only stepped away from Yuuri for a moment when it happened.

It all started with Yuuri regularly returning to the punch bowl in between songs, refilling his glass time and again. Several boys had spiked it, but of course, this sort of thing happened every year. Yuuri didn't know that because he never went to these events.

Viktor didn't realize the boy had slowly been getting wasted throughout the evening. So, when he left for the bathroom and unexpectedly got a phone call from a relative out of town, he thought Yuuri would be fine alone.

Well, he was wrong.

The same boys who spiked the drinks noticed Yuuri's face growing more and more pink through the night. They saw how he came out of his shell and knew it was due to alcohol. This should be fun.

"Hey Yuuri, is it getting warm in here for you?" One snickered, taking a seat beside the now drunk young man.

"Mmhm." Yuuri mumbled, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt. "Like a toaster."

"How about we take you outside for some air? Somebody's got a sprinkler on."

"Ehhh... I don't really know." He rubbed his eyes groggily. "I don't feel very well, so.. so maybe..."

"We'll take ya to your car, friend! Come on!" Two of the four grabbed Yuuri by the arms and dragged him out into the hallway. Yuuri numbly followed along, humming softly to himself. "Where's your car, pal?"

"White... convertible..." his head was spinning. "It's his car, though."

The four all grinned. "You see, Yuuri, nobody's really pleased you brought a man tonight. Everyone thinks that's pretty fucked up that you had to ruin prom for all of us, I mean how pathetic is it that you're such a loser you had to bring another dude? You should've stayed home, dumbass." The leader of the four held Yuuri by the collar. "Say you're sorry." Did that guy even have a date to prom? Yuuri couldn't recall.

"Mmmm.. but.. I'm not!" Yuuri's face lit up as he laughed at the other boy. "You're fucking ignorant, Brent."

The boy, Brent, looked shocked. His friends however found it funny and laughed with Yuuri.  
"Shut the fuck up, all of you! We've been nice long enough. I think it's time to teach this stuck-up faggot a lesson."

"You know, you try to act tough, but the only person you scare is your parents." Yuuri giggled. "You won't hurt me, you can't lose that big scholarship, right?"

When Viktor finally got off the phone, he was more than alarmed to find Yuuri missing from the gym, and even more so when he saw the arrogant jocks were as well. He'd seen the way they were looking at Yuuri all night; like tigers eyeing fresh meat.

Viktor snatched his coat from the chair and ran towards the bathrooms, glancing around in panic in search of his date.

The first thing he noticed was Takeshi and Yuuko looking very awkward standing close to the fire exit door just past the bathrooms.

"Have you guys seen Yuuri? I can't find him anywhere..."

Yuuko's mouth hung open as she stammered out something along the lines of not knowing where he went. Viktor, however, had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Where are they??"

Takeshi motioned towards the door, "Whatever man, I'm not a snitch," he mumbled.

"Oh god..."

Viktor's freshman year of high school, a boy who wanted to take his boyfriend to prom was beaten by a group of eight and left for dead overnight in the parking lot. There were over two dozen witnesses who recorded the event on their phones, none of whom reported it.

When the boy was found in the morning, it was already far too late.  
He died in the hospital.

None of the students were ever arrested.

Just as he feared, the door was cracked open just slightly, and from his position he could hear muffled laughter from someplace not far from there.

Was Viktor a good fighter? He was about to find that out.

Now initially, he wasn't planning on fighting the boys, but when he saw what they were doing to Yuuri, the first thing that came into his mind was fucking up one of those pretty boy's faces. They didn't even know he was there until one of their faces got smashed into the brick wall in front of them.

"Dude, what the fuck!?"

"My nose! He broke my nose!!!"

"Kick his ass, Brent!!"

Their leader, star quarterback Brent Cladwood, released his grip on Yuuri's collar. The highly uncomfortable and upset victim was too intoxicated to fully process the events unfolding, but he still knew he'd gotten his pants taken by these jocks and there would very soon be pictures floating around about what they saw. Sure, it was a "prank", and they were just hanging Yuuri's briefs on the flagpole, but at their age? Was it truly necessary?

"You gonna fight for your bitch now, Viktor? I'm really scared. Terrified, even." Brent taunted. "Look, we do this every year at prom. It's school tradition! The only problem is, we didn't expect Yuuri here to wear this kind of underwear. Fuckin' nasty..."

"Take it down and give it back to him." Viktor did his best to keep his cool. " _Now_."

"What are you going to do if I don't, huh?"

"V-Viktor...." Yuuri was seated on the concrete, shivering, probably oblivious to what was going on, and only half conscious. "I wanna go home..."

"I'll be back for you, Brent Cladwood. Have this to remember me by."

All Yuuri remembered hearing was a loud thwack!!! some more physical activity, a shout, and a car's engine revving.

The next thing Yuuri knew, he was being lifted up like a child and vaguely heard Viktor scolding him for drinking the spiked punch. "Can I call your parents?" Was the first thing he distinguished from the ringing in his ears.

"Mmh... no, please don't. Ah– I think I'm gonna—" Yuuri prayed he didn't vomit all over Viktor, but the other man didn't even flinch.

"If you don't want to go home, I could take you back to— nah... I shouldn't take you to the station looking like this. Would you let me take you to a hotel?"

Yuuri nodded slowly, felt nauseous, and vomited again.

"Alright Nikiforov, when I said you should get out more, this is NOT what I meant. Whereto?" Their driver was none other than Christophe Giacometti, who "just happened" to be in the area at the time of the fight.

"Take us to my parents' house for the night. I hope Mom would understand."

Glancing back at the boy who'd ended up in Viktor's lap, Giacometti rolled his eyes. "I just hope she doesn't hit you as hard as you hit that jock, but bringing a half naked kid home may have its consequences."

Yuuri hugged Viktor's neck tightly, heart still pounding from the events. While his adrenaline rushed and his judgement was impaired, there was only one thing he could think of doing to show Viktor how thankful he was.

"Yuuri, are you going to be al–" Yuuri delicately pressed his lips over Viktor's for the first time, not entirely sure why he did it or how long to do it for, but when he timidly pulled away, it looked like Viktor didn't know what to do either.  
"Thank you."  
~~~  
"Hey Dad." Presently, Yuuri sat in an empty cemetery with his usual chores: removing the old flowers from last summer and planting new ones around his grave. It was easiest to be here when he kept himself busy. "I'm sorry I haven't come here in a while, I really am. After all, it is beautiful up here." The cemetery was on top of a hill overlooking... everything. From here, he could see the swaying trees, Pott Springs down by the river, and far in the distance, flickering city lights reminding him that there just might be a life outside the one he believed he was stuck in. "I ran into Viktor the other day. You remember him, right? You always told me to stay away from him." Glancing at the bottom of the hill, he knew he didn't have much time before his older sister grew impatient and decided to leave without him. "Well... we're going on a date tomorrow. I don't think it'll result in anything, though. I mean, I still like him, but something tells me there's still a lot I don't know about him. I'm not quite ready to make a big move yet. I'm also a bit hesitant to..."

"Uncle Yuuri!!! We have to goooooo!!!" Yuuri snapped his head to his left where two small children were racing each other up the hill.

"I have to go now, Dad. I'll come back soon, okay? I promise, I won't be gone this long ever again."

"Yuuuuuuuuuri!!!" Ren, his four year old nephew was the first to reach him. "Mom says let's go!"  
"I'm coming... where's your father, anyway? I thought he was coming up here with the rest of the flowers."

"He didn't." Akira was the five year old, Mari's pride and joy, and the source of Yuuri's annoyance at family functions. She was very stuck up, to say the least.

"Alright, whatever," he shrugged.

"Why were you talking to yourself up there, anyway? You're so weird, Uncle, it's why you don't have a girlfriend." Akira wasn't teasing. The child was dead serious.

"I like to talk to my father sometimes," he replied, "and I don't have a girlfriend, but I do go on dates!"

"Dad says people who go on dates and are still single are losers." The girl continued. "Sorry, it's how the world goes around."

Yuuri chuckled lightly, because he was used to getting insulted about his love life; and it wasn't as bad as what his sister would say. She was the kind to exclaim: YUURI, ARE YOU STILL A VIRGIN? and expect a detailed answer. Yuuri wasn't, but she didn't need to know that.

He approached his sister's car, displeased upon finding her children's father in the front seat. He could've helped.

"About time you got done up there. Do you want dinner?" Mari diminished her cigarette, giving her brother a critical stare. "Hello? Stop staring down at that ugly phone of yours."

"Hmm? Oh, it just started working again. Weird... and dinner sounds great. I'll split the bill with you."

Yuuri sat squished in between two car seats as if he were a child on the ride over to the restaurant. Her children both wore headphones as they watched a movie on the TVs attached to their seats, so Yuuri was relieved he didn't have to talk to them.

"I was wondering if you could watch the kids tomorrow morning. Emmett and I have to be somewhere by ten thirty." Mari looked back at him through the rearview mirror. She wasn't pleading, but she was expecting a yes.

"Actually, I have a date tomorrow, so I don't think I–"

"Just reschedule. Your dates never go anywhere past the first one anyway, and I can't cancel this." The dickwad known as Emmett, cocky, snobbish, always-used-to-kick-Yuuri-out-of-his-room-so-him-and-Mari-could-have-privacy, recently rich due to Daddy's inheritance Emmett Bowers had no right to even look at him. They fought frequently and couldn't stay in the same house for more than a day.

"Then why don't you hire a babysitter?" He turned to his sister, "Mari, I can't cancel on him."

"And you know every babysitter in town refuses to watch my kids. We won't be out long, maybe just until noon. It's about the inheritance... why don't you take them with you, and we'll come pick them up?" It didn't sound like a question. It sounded like a demand.

"Come on, Yuuri, how important can a breakfast date be for you? Be a good brother and help us out." Emmett added.

Yuuri gave into the pressure. "Ah, you're right. I'll cancel for tomorrow and I'll watch the kids. What time should I be over?"

During the entirety of waiting for their meal, Yuuri wrote and revised a brief explanatory text he would sent to Viktor. It went something like:

' _Hey Viktor,_

_Something came up and I have to cancel for tomorrow. I need to watch my sister's children and I don't think it'd be right dragging them on our date. Maybe some other time? :('_

Less than thirty seconds after he sent it, Viktor replied:

**'Oh nooo! I was really looking forward to seeing you… and I'm not one to give up. Will you be available later??'**

Yuuri sighed. This was so embarrassing, and it ruined the entire plan he'd had for the date. But he did want to see him. ' _Should be done by 12. I could meet you for lunch downtown.'_

' **Okay!! Where are you right now? How's your day been**?'

At this, Yuuri couldn't help but smile. Viktor was such a good texter; he genuinely cared about the person he was talking to.

' _I'm at that really little diner over by the river. Kind of across from where your house is I guess. My day's been crappy, honestly. I'm eager to go home and sleep :))_ '

Viktor took a few minutes to respond, so Yuuri tucked his phone away. ' **I just had the best idea! Why don't I come and get you?? In case you cancel tomorrow, we can just do everything tonight!!** '

When Yuuri read this a full ten minutes later, he panicked. He panicked because he didn't want Viktor to think he ignored him, and because he wasn't sure how to answer this.

' _You can come get me now if you want.' And Yuuri reminded himself, he didn't have to spend the night. He could walk home, if need be'_

' **Be there in five ^_^** '

Smiling, Yuuri stood up from the table. "I have to go. Since I'm busy tomorrow, my date is picking me up now."

"Well, I want to see this fine specimen!!" Mari exclaimed. "Let's all go see who's more important than Yuuri's family, because I'm dying to know."

And I'm dying for you to leave me alone, Yuuri thought to himself.

Yuuri hugged himself as he leaned against the brick wall of the restaurant, stomach churning each time a car lazily drove by. Mari would recognize Viktor. He couldn't count how many times she'd caught Viktor in his room and leaving in the early mornings, but while she never told their parents (as far as he knew), she always gave him hell for it. Maybe she'd understand now.

His face turned pink upon seeing Viktor's car— he was using the black truck again— come into the parking lot. Emmett gave Yuuri an uncalled for glare, but as for Mari, she stared blankly ahead. "Why are you doing this, Yuuri? Haven't you learned by now...." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Viktor doesn't love you, so why are you still bringing him around?"

Viktor didn't need to love him. It was just a date.

The man in question didn't leave his car. He saw how uncomfortable Yuuri looked with his sibling standing there, so he decided to skip the reintroduction to someone who hated him so passionately.

"I'll see you tomorrow, alright? I'll text you where I need you to drop those kids off. Bye."

And with that, Yuuri climbed into the truck and told Viktor to go immediately.

"Where, though?"

The younger paused for a moment. "We got an hour and a half until sunset. You up for a little trip?"

Viktor was.  
~~~

No matter what Viktor thought about the strange idea of taking a bus on a half mile trip just to reach a little historic drag on the river, he couldn't deny that upon arriving, the location was breathtaking. The historic town itself had several museums from one event or the other, but Viktor's real focus had been the view from the platform overlooking the mountains and the river. From there, he could see two large bridges going back into a cave, for the railroad he presumed, he also marveled about the blossoming trees and flooded river, but most importantly, his attention was on none other than Yuuri.

"So, this is where you were going to take me tomorrow?" Viktor and Yuuri sat by the rushing river, a slight space between them as they waited for the sun to set.

"Well, yeah. You've never been to Harper's Ferry before. I thought you'd like it." Yuuri shrugged, gazing out at his view: the trees along the mountaintop, the church that seemed to have its steeple touch the sky, the... sigh. It was quiet here. Their only company was the bikers passing by here and there, but other than that, the pair was completely alone.

"It's…very historic, to say the least." Viktor felt tense here, despite being surrounded by beautiful nature and his favorite person. He had so many questions he wanted to ask, but he feared if he asked them, Yuuri would run away.

"Alright Viktor, you're being too quiet. Tell me what's wrong?" Yuuri nudged the older man, leaning against his shoulder. "Come on, I know you."

"I guess it would be wrong to say that something's actually wrong," Viktor instinctively wrapped an arm around Yuuri, "I just want to know things that I'm not sure you're ready to speak about."

"... I see."

"You don't have to tell me anything," Viktor assured him, "in fact, I don't even know why I brought it up. It was stupid of me. I know it bothers you, so I shouldn't have... I'm sorry, Yuuri. I'm just fighting so desperately to see this relationship work."

"I see how much you care about me, Viktor, and I really appreciate the concern. Nobody else has asked how I was since I moved back here." Yuuri commented, "But at the same time, I'll admit that I'm unsure what your intentions are. One minute, you act like you want to respect my wishes and take things slow, and the next you have me pinned and... it scares me."

"Why should I scare you? Do you not trust me?" Viktor clasped a hand on Yuuri's knee, turning his focus from the scenery to the man beside him.

"It's... not that." The younger looked away. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"I can try, can't I?" Upon getting no response, Viktor decided to try some other way. "Alright, if you don't really trust me, I'll show that I trust you by telling you something I've been hesitant about."

"I'm listening."

"I assume you have made regrettable mistakes in the past, and you're afraid to tell me about it. Well, you should know that I've done things too..." he paused. "A year and a half ago I fell asleep at a frat party and woke up in a stranger's house. I didn't talk to this girl at the party, but I kind of knew her from my bio class, and she claimed she'd just taken me there so I'd be safe, and I believed her. A few weeks went by, and suddenly she started acting strangely around me. She was really, really clingy. She wanted to date me, and I'll admit I went out on a casual date or two, but nothing more then that. And then, out of nowhere, she disappeared.  
"Eight months later, I see her post on Facebook that she's just given birth to a healthy baby boy, right on time with her due date. There's just one problem..."

"He's yours, isn't he?" Yuuri asked softly.

He nodded. "When I asked her over private message, she read my response and then blocked me on every social media platform." Viktor remembered doing the calculations from her due date to the day she'd been with him, and it added up exactly. He had never been more shocked. "I never wanted to be with that woman. She took advantage of me and then hid the baby from me... I-If I'd known about him before, I would've been there, I would've done everything I could for him, even if I didn't want him, you know? Because I was always taught that was the right thing to do. But it doesn't matter now. She got arrested like a week after he came home for armed robbery with her boyfriend."

Yuuri's eyes widened. When did he start holding Viktor's hand? "Oh...Where's the baby now?"

Pain struck the older man's face as his stare returned to the river. "Custody was given to someone else, I guess. Closed adoption."

Yuuri felt the swell of emotions coming from the person beside him. How much strength, he wondered, had it taken for Viktor to come out with this story? Why was he telling Yuuri this? No, Yuuri couldn't ask why. He had to be supportive of his friend. "I'm sorry, Viktor," he pulled him to a tight hug, "and I'm sorry for your child as well."

"My child," he repeated coldly, "might as well not call him that. He'll never know me. I'll never be in his life, so why can't I seem to forget him?"

Great, now Yuuri was tearing up. He clung onto Viktor a little tighter and closed his eyes. "Tell me about him then. How old is he?"

"His name is Jackson. He was born last June, so he should be nine or ten months old now. He's got jet black hair like his mom did, and my eyes. That's the first thing I noticed about him. Do you know how weird it is looking at a miniature version of yourself?"

He smiled at Viktor. "No, because I don't have any kids myself. I don't think anyone would ever love me enough to give me a child. In fact, nobody's ever loved me at all, not truly."

"Do you want someone to love you, then?" Viktor asked, eyes twinkling with curiosity.

Yuuri now appeared flustered. "W-Well yes. Isn't that part of everyone's dream?"

"And what's your dream, Yuuri?"

Yuuri hesitated to respond, but once he started, he couldn't seem to stop. "I want kids someday. I want to move far away from this place and start a new, sincere life where I can have a shot at happiness... I want to keep teaching until I'm old and I want to inspire and positively influence my student's lives… and I want my partner, whoever he may be, to be loving and gentle and understanding and even pretty patient with me. I want him to protect me and help me grow as a person... I want him to make me feel again." He clutched the grass beside him, uprooting a dandelion and debating whether or not to make a wish.

"Yuuri," Viktor took his hands and met his eyes, "I don't know if I'm the man you're dreaming of, but if I can't be him, will you let me help you find your way to him?"

No man had ever asked such a question before. No man had ever cared about him without a relationship involved.

"Yes."  
~~~  
After the sun had long slipped over the horizon, Viktor offered to drive Yuuri back to his apartment, but Yuuri made quite a different request.

"This is going to sound embarrassing," he said, "but my water got shut off because of pipe damage and won't be back up just yet. I'll be staying with my sister tomorrow on, but would you mind if I...?"

Of course, Viktor had to say yes, so he took Yuuri back to his house and showed him the guest bedroom.

He told the younger one that he was awfully tired and going straight to bed, wishing him a good night. Yuuri nodded, of course, but his face was full of confusion. Still, he was tired too, and slept a full thirty minutes by three o'clock.

Wearing just an undershirt and briefs, Yuuri tiptoed down the long hallway to Viktor's bedroom. He debated for a few moments as to whether or not he should knock, but upon reasoning with himself, he concluded that Viktor must surely be asleep and wouldn't mind a little company.

He pushed open the door and made his way across the nearly pitch black room until he stubbed his toe on the edge of the bed frame. Yep, here it is. Yuuri slipped under the fluffy comforter and snuggled himself into the other man's side. He hugged his middle, face pressed against his chest, and he felt like he was ready to sleep. "Please be patient with me, Viktor," he whispered, "I have a lot going on you don't know about, so don't be mad at me, okay? Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad.." Startled, Yuuri glanced up at the man who was a much lighter sleeper than he thought. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Mmhm."

"You know what always used to get you sleepy was a massage. Do you want one?"

"Y-Yeah... please." Face flushed, Yuuri laid on his stomach, laying his head on the pillow. He didn't know how well Viktor would do, being how tired he was.

Viktor slowly rubbed Yuuri's shoulders, kneading his knuckles down his back. He was right, it was soothing. That and the sound of wind rustling through the trees, Yuuri should've been asleep in just a few minutes. There was, however, one last thing keeping him awake. He rolled onto his back while Viktor was still hovering over him. Both were blushing, neither knew what to do.  
"Viktor... would you kiss me... just once?"

And while Viktor didn't expect it, also knowing fully well Yuuri would push him away afterwards, he couldn't say no. Coming to that conclusion, he wanted to make it as romantic and passionate as possible in the briefest time. He just wanted to make sure Yuuri knew that he did have immense feelings for him, and that this wasn't going to be a pastime.

Viktor cupped Yuuri's cheeks, thumbing his bottom lip with curiosity. "Are you going to kiss back?"

"I... might.. just hurry up and kiss me already before I change my mind." The younger grumbled.

"Alright, just one then." Viktor closed the gap between them, laying a gentle kiss upon his lips. Instead of pulling back after a few moments, he slipped his tongue into the other's mouth and waited for a response.

Yuuri gasped softly, pulling the other man closer so that their chests were pressed together and gave Viktor a gentle response to his affections. But... just one, of course!  
~~~  
Yuuri woke up alone in bed the following morning, just past seven thirty. He assumed that Viktor either got disgusted with him and left, or he had something else to do. Scratching his head, Yuuri walked over to the closest window; the one where he could see the garage where Viktor left his cars. The convertible, truck, and what appeared to be his usual work car were all parked neatly inside, but a fourth; a Honda Accord— which didn't seem like the type of car Viktor would own, was in the driveway. Yuuri's heart sunk. That had to have meant someone was here, right? Viktor did say he was going to be busy until ten.

Hey, maybe that was a good thing. This way, he could leave for his sister's house without a big fuss being made about him slipping into Viktor's room last night.

Last night... was strange.

First, they'd just sat around after the sun went down, talking about everything and anything except Yuuri's secret that Viktor so desperately wanted to know. They'd even held hands for a while. It was nice, but nothing else happened, and Yuuri couldn't help but feel like this frustrated Viktor. I suppose that explained the events that had gone on slightly earlier.

Yuuri left the bedroom to find where the rest of his belongings were left overnight. He dressed quickly, hoping to slip out of the house unnoticed. And he would've gotten there too, had it not been for the loud bark of a dog stopping him when he was just inches from the front door. He froze, laughing nervously when a large, brown poodle trotted from the kitchen and sat directly in front of Yuuri, wagging its tail wildly.

"Um... hi there... Makkachin? You're really still kicking after all this time?" He knelt in front of the dog and gave her a hug. They'd only met a few times six years ago, back when she was three or four years old. She still looked good, despite her age. "I thought you were Viktor's mother's baby... can't believe she let her irresponsible son take care of you.." he teased. Makkachin licked Yuuri's cheek, offering him her paw.

"For the record, I'm very good at taking care of her!" Crap. Viktor left the kitchen. He was wearing his boxers, a tight grey tee shirt and a white apron overtop. "I've spoiled her rotten since she came to stay with me."

"Well, she does look well taken care of," Yuuri admitted. "Are you busy? I think I should go."

"I'm not busy at all. I was supposed to go to a meeting, but that got cancelled unexpectedly. I thought you didn't have to leave until ten?" Viktor suddenly glanced up, gasped; sprinting back to the kitchen, he flipped the nearly burning pancakes.  
Yuuri followed behind hesitantly.

"I just thought I'd caused enough trouble for one 24 hour period." He said humorlessly.

"You've been no trouble to me, but if you really want to leave, I won't stop you." Viktor smiled sadly, stacking the pancakes on a single plate by the stove. It was obvious he was used to eating alone.

Yuuri sat down on the barstool behind the counter, folding his arms. "I had a good time with you last night."

"I felt like you were eager to leave once I told you my secret." Viktor mused, offering Yuuri the plate. "After all I poured out to you, I didn't even get a hint of what you've been keeping from me. I'll be honest and admit I was a little upset about it. I only told you about Jackson because I thought it'd encourage you to put some trust in me."

Yuuri concocted three different responses, none of which ever escaped his lips. Viktor was right, and he felt embarrassed for not sharing anything, but he knew he'd be more than mortified if he actually had shared his story. "W-well... wha... uh, what do you want to know about me?" He didn't have to tell the truth, he reminded himself, he could lie about it— even after Viktor had been so honest with him the night before.

"You flinch when I touch you. You ask for me, and when I give you what you want you shut me down. Is it because of something I did or because of someone else?"

Yuuri should've been prepared for that question and how to lie his way out. He had nothing come to mind except the truth. "Let's go with the second option, but I don't want to talk about it. Just know it wasn't your fault."

Viktor turned back to the stove as he poured a little more pancake mix into the pan. "Alright...I understand."

Nausea had already overtaken Yuuri, and he knew he couldn't stand thinking about this for much longer without getting sick. "I figured you would."

It was then that Viktor unknowingly stepped over the line. "So it was your ex boyfriend." He instantly regretted adding this to the conversation solely because of the completely horrified expression that crossed Yuuri's face.

Yuuri held his head in his hands, taking a few shallow breaths to calm himself. "Okay, we're going there. D-Do you want the full details now, or should I refer you to my therapist?" His voice shook despite his desperate attempt to be sarcastic and snappy.

Eyes wide, Viktor nearly dropped his spatula. "Yuuri, I... who was it? If I find out who, I'll—"

Yuuri flinched and stood from his chair. This isn't what he wanted at all. "Oh, I'm sure you will, Viktor, successfully humiliating me in front of the entire world. Well, I really need to go home now, don't want to interrupt your ego-building argument with someone out of your reach. Thanks SO much for having me."

"Oh, Yuuri... I'm so sorry I– I shouldn't have said that! I won't bring it up anymore, I..." Viktor knew he screwed up when Yuuri wouldn't answer him. He watched the younger man head straight for the front door. Following quickly behind, he took a pair of car keys from a shelf in the hall. "Take the car in the driveway until you get a new one. I don't need it."

Yuuri managed to face him for a brief moment, long enough to take the keys and long enough for Viktor to see the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.

"I really am sorry, Yuuri, I didn't mean to pry," he professed sincerely. "We don't ever have to bring it up again. I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. You didn't know." Yuuri forced a shaky smile, placing the keys back in Viktor's hands. "Good luck finding your kid."

The date ended terribly sour, and maybe Yuuri cried all the way home while taking a path through the woods to avoid seeing another human, but he knew that it was probably better that Viktor was informed as to why he was just so… how did Phichit put it?

Weird.

So weird.  
~~~  
Monday, Yuuri spent primarily alone. Viktor was at the school, but he hadn't left his office. Tuesday, they passed in the hallway but didn't speak, Wednesday, Viktor wasn't even there, and Thursday, Yuuri once again passed the man. Viktor asked Yuuri if he was free for lunch, to which the man replied: "I'll be busy. Maybe tomorrow."

He feared he pretty much ruined his chances of ever going on another date with him after rejecting him yet again, and yet, he wasn't overly concerned about it.

It was nice to pretend to have a boyfriend for a couple days.

"Mr. Katsuki, is it okay if Beka helps me set up the props in the gym later? You never said anything before..." His thoughts were stalled by his impatient assistant. Right, he was in his classroom, halfway through the workday and already fought back tears seven times.

"Huh? Sure. I know I didn't... but that's fine." Yuuri barely looked up from the work he was grading, and the other Yuri knew he must've had a lot on his mind.

"Are you doing okay?" He asked. "You look spacey."

"Yeah, I'm fine," the teacher muttered, "don't tell me another rumor is going around about me?"

"Nothing yet. Why? What do people say about you?" Yuri Plisetsky didn't exactly seem interested, but he was still listening.

"I went out with someone I shouldn't have, and now everyone thinks I'm using them for money. They think I'm some strange loner who blew into town recently, when in actuality I've lived in Pott Springs since before I can remember." Yuuri rested his chin in his hands. "I even had your math teacher in tenth grade."

"So why didn't people know about you? It's a really small town. Everyone knows everyone." Yuri erased the remaining doodles from the whiteboard, pausing briefly on a strange symbol someone drew.

"I lived out of town a bit. My parents weren't very social, and neither was I. Plus being gay didn't help anything..."

"Wouldn't I know..." the student added.

"Times change, though. Things probably aren't quite as rough as they were." Yuuri tucked away the graded work and only left one out that he'd have Yuri give to Viktor on his way out of school.

"It still sucks. They think it's hilarious to make fun of me for being a skater. Hilarious that is, until they see Beka." The teen smiled slightly, oblivious to the feelings he had for his best friend. Yuuri was reminded of his own high school relationship with Viktor. He'd acted the same exact way; so unaware to what the butterflies in his stomach really meant and what to do with them.

"Well, I hope you don't let them stop you from achieving your dreams, Yuri. I've seen how you skate, and you're really talented."

"Heh... thanks."

Thunder rumbled overhead for the fifth time, but this time the lights flickered on and off for a moment, causing an eruption of excited shrieks from children in the hallways.

"What are you doing for spring break, Yuri?"

"Me and my grandfather are going to Europe to see some of his relatives or something. What about you? I'm sure you could use this vacation more than any of these kids do." Yuri smiled, observing the map of the world beside the whiteboard, distractedly trying to pinpoint the places he'd be visiting.

"Oh... I think I'm going to spend it out of town." Yuuri shrugged. The truth is, he'd spent all week debating doing something very, very terrible to himself over Spring Break. He had spiraled back into a highly depressive state after what happened with Viktor over the weekend, and now, he couldn't think rationally about anything, even his own personal safety. "Anyways, I better go collect my students from music. We can talk more at another time, Mr. Plisetsky."

"Ah, okay. I'll see you after break, Mr. Katsuki!"

Yuuri smiled and nodded, wanting that to be how Yuri would remember him in the future. Someone non-conflicted. Someone filled with life.  
Someone who hadn't been broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was your senior prom that wild? Considering it was 2011, I can only cringe at the music we were listening to at the time. 
> 
> Also, pray for our boy Yuuri. Spiralling back into a depressive state has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.


	5. Misfortunes: Spring Break Edition, Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The staff of the school decides they are all going to spend the weekend at Michele Crispino's family beach house on the eastern shore. However, Yuuri isn't in the best state at the current moment, and Viktor learns the hard way of the severity of his situation. Can they truly be together when Yuuri is at such risk, without making things worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I would like to warn that this chapter features a brief segment having to do with self harm. I mention blood, I do not give a one thousand word detailed summary of what the gaping wound looks like, because I too am squeamish when it comes to injuries. But I felt like I should forewarn as self-harm is a very, very sensitive topic.)
> 
> Real life location of the chapter: Cambridge, Maryland.

"It's just like you to get all your work done at the last minute," Mila observed Yuuri quietly putting away the last of his paperwork on Friday afternoon. The students had already left for the day, and the building was eerily silent.

"Sorry, I got... distracted." Yuuri's eyes were as empty as his expression, "Have a good break, Mila."

"Hey, wait! Are you coming tonight?" Mila stood. "You never said no about it. Everyone's going to be there, maybe even your darling Viktor."

Darling Viktor, he wished. Viktor wouldn't want anything to do with him around so many other beautiful, healthy people. 

"I think I'm going to stay in." He sighed. "Have fun though, okay? Be sure to post lots of pictures."

"Are you... doing alright?" Yuuri froze. This was the first time she'd ever asked. "I don't know, you just look upset."

"I'm not upset." Yuuri forced a smile. "I'm just tired."

"Do you need a ride home? I noticed you had to walk again, and I wouldn't want you out in that rain." What was with the sudden concern? Did Viktor tell them all about him? I mean, why else would anyone care?

"I'll be fine. It's just down the road..." Yuuri slipped his rain jacket over his work clothes. "Goodbye, Mila."

"Well... o-okay then." She frowned. 

Yuuri was almost out the door when he was stopped again. "Hey, Yuuri! Are you coming later? Mickey says he'll order every drink off the menu, and I can't wait to see it." Phichit had been a lot nicer to Yuuri since their argument, but they still weren't on good terms. Because of that, Yuuri ignored him. "Yuuri? You okay?"

He brushed past him, hugging himself as he trudged into the rain. 

"Hey, Yuuri!" Great. Chris was sitting outside with Leo and Georgi, probably waiting for a ride. "Are you—"

"Just _shut up_ and leave me alone!!!" Yuuri finally snapped, surprising everyone within earshot. Instead of feeling any remorse, Yuuri continued his long walk home, pushing past anyone and anything in the way. He was blinded by anger, and nothing or no one could get in the way. He just needed to  _break something._

"What the hell was that?" Viktor called as he left the building. "Who was shouting just now?"

"That was Yuuri," Leo answered, "I think something's wrong with him. Honestly, I've never seen him this way before."

"He's been like this all week," Georgi added, thinking back to the last time they'd spoken, just that afternoon, in fact, "something isn't right. I'm concerned."

The others mumbled in agreement. 

"Hey, you're a psychologist, right?" Phichit stepped in, putting a hand on Viktor's shoulder to get his attention. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know him well enough to say. I'll check on him though, I'm worried too."

* * *

 

When he got home Friday evening, he already had a plan in mind. While everyone else would be enjoying their brief work vacation, he'd be long gone and no longer savable. He thought about how long it'd take for someone to finally come to check in on him. Everyone on the main drag would be crowding around to get a good look in on the first suicide in Pott Springs in ten years. People would whisper, gossip about what they knew of Yuuri behind closed doors. The school would hurry to find a new teacher, the children would never be told what's happened. 

Yuuri suddenly noticed that tears were pricking at his eyes, that he hadn't moved from the front door in several minutes. He looked around the small room he'd been forced to call home because of his lack of wealth. 

 _If I hadn't had to pay off my own medical bills and student debt_ , Yuuri walked into his kitchen, _if Mari didn't make me help her all these months with her house mortgage_ , he picked up a stack of plates from the cabinet, _if Mom didn't have to leave me like that!_ God, he really lost it now, _if Mom and Dad only listened to me back then and let me get medicated, I wouldn't still be stuck like this!!!_ Shakily, he selected the top dish and then decided to slam the entire pile against the ground with all his force, startling himself at the loud shattering. _That felt good._ It was then that Yuuri became fully alert, gasping for breath. What was he doing? Where was he?

Covering his mouth to stifle a sob and calm his breathing, Yuuri leaned against the counter, resting on the floor. He really, really needed help, whether he wanted it or not. Change needed to happen. And yet, breaking some plates was a much better alternative to something far worse that he debated doing.

Shortly before five pm, his phone buzzed from an incoming call that he immediately ignored, even after it happened four times in a row. He didn't have time for this. He didn't like talking on the phone, and anyone who knew him was aware of that. Besides, he just wanted to be left alone.  
Maybe he needed something different, but....

Was he going to be able to stop himself the next time this happened? This time, he was absolutely able to prevent himself from being self-destructive, because he felt hesitant, but about what? It wasn't Viktor, it wasn't his family or his career. 

It felt like a longing to see more of the world, to explore, to experience things he hadn't gotten the chance to yet. He wanted to go on vacation... he needed to experience more life, that's what his conscience told him. And yet, he still craved death like no one ever had before. When would he be given another chance? Would he choose to die or to live?

_Knock knock knock._

Nobody ever came to Yuuri's place. Especially on spring break... I mean, even his sister said it was too small and drafty for her liking, and they'd grown up in a house hardly more than a trailer that the neighbors built themselves.

Yuuri wiped his face with a clean towel and left his kitchen, mind still exhausted from all that had been going on with it today. He really needed a nap, and to chase away whoever was visiting.

Sniffling, he unlocked his door. "Yes..?" 

"Yuuri, hi..." Viktor... Viktor looked flustered. He was dressed in what he thought was casual clothing: dress shorts and a light blue polo, buttoned all the way up, and somehow both men looked surprised to see each other. "I'm sorry for coming unannounced... um— are you busy? Can we talk?"

"I was just about to go to bed. But... yeah." Yuuri tried to look like he wasn't just having a mental breakdown on the kitchen floor, but it wasn't really working. Viktor always saw right through him. "Do you want to come in first?"

"Thanks."

Viktor sat himself on the couch while Yuuri went to go find something for him to drink out of his limited options: water, liquor, and orange juice. He was careful to step over the broken glass on the floor that Viktor so obviously noticed. "So what brings you here, Viktor?"

"I just... I was in the area and thought I'd stop in and check on you." Viktor squeezed his hands together. "We've been distant this week, did you notice? I'm worried about you."

"I didn't think it mattered. You're busy," Yuuri poured two glasses of water, "and when you stopped calling me, I assumed you were done chasing after such a lost cause."

Viktor laughed humorlessly. "Is that what you think?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." Yuuri handed him the glass. "I'm thinking I should ask you to leave soon. Aren't you going to that party?"

"Yuuri, you can't just pretend there's nothing between us after all we've been doing." The older man met the eyes of the younger. "Friday night... you were in my bed. You even—"

"I _know_ what I did!!!" Yuuri exclaimed. "I-I know what we did, and I wanted it at the time... and sometimes I still do. Honest!"

"And do I push you away? Do I make you uncomfortable in any way..?" Viktor pushed for a response to settle the confusion.

"N-No... you never have. It's just my stupid mind.. I'm not in a good place right now and I don't know what to do..." Removing his glasses, he rested his face in his hands. "I'm.. I'm sorry..." he tried to turn away, realizing what he said was probably too much, but he wasn't quick enough. 

"Oh no, Yuuri," Viktor quickly stood, wrapping his arms around Yuuri, "it isn't your fault. I should've given you your space."

Yuuri hesitated briefly. But the idea of being held, the invitation to let all his tears out in someone as understanding as Viktor's shoulder- overcame his pride. For a moment he thought he could open up, but upon feeling Viktor hold him closer and mumble those comforting words, he couldn't seem to find any tears at all. "I really need help." And a hug wasn't going to change how he felt.

As for Viktor, a psychologist and generally empathetic person, he knew the best thing to do was to hold on as long as possible, to listen to whatever Yuuri had to say, even if he didn't make sense, and to be patient. Resting his chin on the top of Yuuri's head, he did just that.

Yuuri sunk his head into Viktor's chest and hugged him back, allowing himself to be weak, to be vulnerable... and before he knew it he started talking. "After I moved away for college, my dad died suddenly. W-We thought he was getting better. I couldn't go to my dream school, so..."

"Why didn't your sister help out?" Viktor rubbed circles in the younger's back, highly focused on the new information. Nobody ever told him Yuuri's father was dead. 

"She just found out she was pregnant, do you remember that? Anyway, her boyfriend was moving out to Ohio for a job and she wanted to go with him, leaving my mom alone. S-so... we used my dad's retirement money and bought a place near a community college. I hated it there, Viktor. I dropped out for a year and worked as a grocery bagger, then a cashier, and then a stagehand."

Viktor moved their hug to the couch, where Yuuri instinctively pressed his head against Viktor's chest. "Go on, Yuuri, I'm listening."

"One day, I woke up to find my mother was gone. I didn't find out for weeks, but she went back to Japan... she couldn't leave much money behind, and I used every penny of it to go back to my dream school.  Until I did, I was really, really scared... I didn't know what to do or where to go for help. T-That was when everything changed  because I... I decided to be as promiscuous as possible until I could find someone who'd led me move in with them, no matter how good or bad of a person..." Yuuri opened his eyes when those awful memories started flooding back into his head. He didn't want to remember, it only brought tears and great pain, so he decided to keep it simple. "I had a really abusive boyfriend later on down the road, but I really don't want to talk about him right now. Just know that he's part of the reason I am the way I am with you."

Viktor understood. He didn't press for answers like he did before. "I know a woman that might be able to help you," he said softly as he pet Yuuri's hair, "her name is Dr. Minako. She was a psychologist, like I am, but she specializes in people who've been through immense traumas in their lives. She now upped her degree and prescribe medications to those who need it..." 

"I can't... I can't do that." Yuuri closed his eyes. Didn't Viktor understand by this point?

"Why not?"

"I don't have any insurance other than what the school offers, but that's barely anything. There's no way I'd be able to afford it." That's why Yuuri's parents never medicated him in the past. He'd been forced to fight off terrible depression and anxiety without any help for all these years. He couldn't even imagine life being normal. 

"I could get you a discount." Viktor offered, "she's a friend of mine. I'm sure we could work something out." In reality, he planned on fully paying the bills, but he didn't want Yuuri to know. "You're probably wondering whether or not you should trust me."

"Hmm, you're pretty good. But you should know that I already trust you, so that wasn't what I was wondering." the younger smiled, while lips still trembled from his sobs. 

"That wasn't it? Huh. What was it then? I give up."

"You barely tried!"

"Pleaaaase, Yuuri?"

"Okay, okay!" Yuuri groaned. "I was wondering whether or not I should kiss you, for all you've done for me!" Whoops, once he said it, it was too late to go back. Viktor's shocked, questioning gaze didn't make it any better, "I-I mean, I'm single, you're single, we're both way more mature than we were six years ago... we both want to find someone to settle with... so..?" He didn't say this, but he worried if he didn't take advantage of the situation and started to date Viktor, then he wouldn't be supportive and just leave again. He felt like Viktor only wanted the normal Yuuri right now, he didn't have time to deal with the sick one, and he hoped that maybe being in a relationship would make the sick one go away. 

"But is this what you want, or is it just word vomit?" Viktor asked. "I don't want it to be awkward. I would like it to be fulfilling for both of us. And I want to actually date you."

"This is what I want, Viktor," Yuuri insisted. He took a deep breath. "Since you came back into my life, something strange has been happening. I-I've been feeling things. I've laughed, cried, been angry...I hadn't felt many emotions in too long of a time, but... when I heard you were at the school... I felt like my mind got turned back on. Maybe it isn't in the best place right now but.." he scrambled for words, "but maybe, with you by my side, it could be. You make me feel so much better, so much safer..."

Viktor hadn't smiled this widely since Yuuri's graduation day. Everything was getting back on track, where it should've been years ago. "Let's take it slow, but go for it?"

Yuuri nodded. Why not? It was probably going to end up badly anyway.

When Yuuri finally completely calmed himself down, he felt a lot better than he had over the past week, the past year, maybe the past decade. The feeling was still there, but it wasn't as strong or vicious. He was scheduled to see Viktor's doctor friend Friday morning. One week. 

Viktor ordered dinner; carryout, again, but they didn't mind. Neither ate much, for they were too busy tangled in each other's arms and didn't want to move. Sure, their eyes were on the TV, but neither Yuuri nor Viktor was paying attention to the content. Yuuri was wondering what it would be like to selfishly claim Viktor for himself, to beg him to stay close and never leave his side. Sure, he'd never have the courage to say it, but it was a nice thought.

"Hey Viktor?"

"Yeah?" 

"What are you doing for Spring Break? Like, everyone's on vacation, why are you still here?"  _We should go somewhere together. I need to get out of here for a while._

"I didn't want to go alone, and I didn't get invited anywhere by anyone." Viktor took the carryout boxes and put them in the trash, doing his best to tidy up without acknowledging the shattered dishes. "What about you?"

"Not like I could afford it, but I was thinking of um... other things..." Yuuri admitted. "Like staying home, I guess. I did get invited to dinner tonight, but I didn't feel like going."

"You really should try to go out with them more. I think they all deserve to be proved wrong about you." Viktor propped his feet up on the coffee table upon returning to the couch. "Where were they going?"

"Oh, it was that new bar place by Applebee's or Uno's or something." Yuuri answered. "I couldn't even think of going, how could I have gotten there?" 

"I can drive you if you still want to go," Viktor offered. 

"No thanks. I'd rather stay with you... but I would like to go somewhere." God, was he blushing?! How old was he, twelve?! Yuuri couldn't believe that his terribly awkward flirtatious side was still alive and well after all these years. He couldn't argue with himself, this was nice. But being with a man who was kind, respected his boundaries and was patient and understanding, letting himself be held in his arms without fear of being hurt, this is what Yuuri had been waiting for.

"You're so cute when you're clingy, but I still think you should promise me you'll go out with a group sometime." Viktor traced his knuckles, turning his gaze to look around the room. He noticed that none of the furniture matched, there were shattered dishes on the kitchen floor and he still hadn't seen Yuuri's bedroom. He wondered if he even had one. And yet, Yuuri held himself high, he didn't ask for financial help, and managed on his own. 

One lingering thought guilted Viktor, but he couldn't help but wonder: why was Yuuri so poor? He knew what the teachers made, and that should've covered a one room apartment and a car, at the very least. Something just didn't add up. 

But no, that was none of his business. 

"Alright, maybe I'll go before the end of the year." 

"That's the spirit. I'm proud of you." Viktor rubbed his arm lovingly, kissing his hair. He noticed how drowsy Yuuri appeared, nearly dozing off at this point. "Why don't we get you to bed? You'll be much more comfortable there."

"U-um... no. No, I'll stay out here." Yuuri mumbled. Viktor would freak out if he saw where Yuuri slept. "Don't leave until I fall asleep... please?" 

Viktor didn't leave at all.

* * *

 

Viktor: **Guyyyyyyyys I need some serious help here**  

Chrissy G.: **I could've told you that.**

Phicheeto: **did you ever go check on Yuuri?**

Viktor: **that's what this is about.**

Chrissy G.: **Oh. Is he okay??**

Viktor: **Not really. I think he needs a vacation. Does anybody know any places I could take him for spring break that's fairly inexpensive?**

Georgi: **I think Mickey has a place in Cambridge that he was planning on going to this week. He was inviting some of us, but...**

Phicheeto: **MICHELE CRISPINO ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE**

Chrissy G.: **........**

Mickey Mouse: **Do you have any idea what time it is???**

Emilx: **Hiiiiiiiiiii! :)**

_Mickey Mouse has left the conversation._

_Emilx has added Mickey Mouse to the conversation._

Mickey Mouse: **OKAY OKAY. GOD. MY FAMILY OWNS A BIG MANSION IN CAMBRIDGE ON THE WATER.**

Emilx: **WHAT ELSE DID WE AGREE ON, MICKEY??? :D**

Mickey Mouse: **ughhhhh. Who wants to come spend a few days in Cambridge with us?**

Phicheeto: **I will!!!**

Georgi: **This isn't about you, Phichit. But I'd like to come too, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.**

Mickey Mouse: **..... not at all :))))))**

Viktor: **I'll see if I can talk Yuuri into this. Is it too soon if we leave tomorrow?**

JJ: **yo what the fuck is going on it's 2 in the morning.**

 _JJ has been removed from the conversation_. 

Chrissy G.: **Alright, we'll try not to bring too many people, Mickey, and I'm planning on going to Ocean City after the weekend is over anyway**. 

Phicheeto: **And me too! I'm so excited!!!**

Emilx: **the house has eight bedrooms. I think there would be enough room for everyone. Who's going to drive? I think it's best we travel together to save gas and stuff.**

Georgi: **JJ has a van.**  

Phicheeto: **fuck add him back into the conversation. Let's leave at five thirty! There's no way I'm sleeping tonight.**  

Viktor: **cool**.

Chrissy G.: **I'll bring the vodka.**

Mickey Mouse: **ohmygod**.

Today, 4:31 a.m.,

Phicheeto: **Chris, I'm coming over now. Your ass better be awake. And Viktor. Are you awake??????????**

Seung-Gilly: **fcuk,,,, im sonbing,,, i cnanot bleieve...**.

Chrissy G. **Who are you**

Seung-Gilly: **I've worked at the school for three years.**  

Seung-Gilly: **why wasn't I invited.**

Seung-Gilly: **hello**.

_Seen by Chrissy G., Viktor, and 3 others_

* * *

 

"Viktor, are you sure about this?" Yuuri hugged his suitcase as the two sat on the steps leading up to his apartment. The sun was still hiding behind the mountains, but it wasn't incredibly dark anymore. What was the word for that? Yuuri couldn't remember. 

"You said you wanted to go somewhere, right? I figure we stay there for the weekend and then find someplace else to go." Viktor had an arm around Yuuri the way he used to when they were younger, but it felt brand new. He liked it. 

"Like Ocean City?" Yuuri said hopefully.

"Or something like that." Viktor leaned into him. "I think the fresh sea air will be good for you."

"It's the first time I've ever been on vacation. I think I'm excited... that's new for me."

"Embrace it, love," the older man encouraged, despite the slight blush on his cheeks from the sudden term of endearment. "We're going to have a lot of fun."

"And I've never seen the ocean before either. What's it like?" Yuuri scooted closer to him to keep warm. 

"Big and blue." He responded. "But honestly, it's beautiful. You'll love it."

Their attention was diverted to the line of cars appearing on the otherwise dead street; a minivan and two smaller cars, one of which was filled to the brim with luggage. 

"Do you want to sit next to me?" Yuuri asked. 

"Wouldn't think of sitting anywhere else, Yuuri."

Viktor and Yuuri ended up in the very backseat of the minivan. In front of them sat JJ, the owner, and his fiancée. In the driver's seat, Mickey looked less than amused. 

In the second car, Chris and Georgi were half awake in the early hour, and finally, the last car had wide-awake Emil and Phichit. Yuuri hugged himself and gazed out the window most of the ride. 

He couldn't believe he was actually going to the ocean. Yuuri wanted to feel as giddy as a child when he started smelling the salt, or the bay water as he was informed, but he kept a straight face. However, he insisted that Viktor let him switch seats so that he could sit by the window. He rolled it all the way down and stuck his head out, inhaling the salty air. Wind blew in his face, making his hair flow wildly, and Yuuri did nothing but stare out. He wanted so badly to express how he was feeling, what his mind was saying, but.... 

 _Oh my god... oh my god it's… this is incredible!_ He thought happily upon seeing the bright blue waters of the bay under him as the car started its trek across the bridge. _Viktor look, it's a lighthouse! I've never seen one before... wow, how high up does this thing go?_

Yuuri was somberly reminded that he couldn't express those emotions. They were too far repressed into him.  
It really soured the mood, because he really,  _really wanted to show Viktor that he could be happy like a normal human._

When they were on land again, Yuuri sighed, leaning back in his seat against his new boyfriend. His heart was pounding, his eyes were shining, but his heart was filled with sorrow. 

"Do you want to listen to some music? It's so quiet in here." Viktor offered Yuuri one piece to his headphones, which the latter took.  
"Sure, but I might fall asleep. You always listen to such beautiful music, Vitya."

Vitya....

This was a start. 

* * *

 

Yuuri woke in the late morning feeling more comfortable than usual, so he pressed himself against Viktor's back, snuggling him to keep warm in the pullout bed they'd crashed on upon arriving in Cambridge. This felt right, and he didn't want to stop.

It reminded him of the few times Viktor had slept over at Yuuri's house, how they were forced to press themselves against each other due to lack of space. While Yuuri was embarrassed, Viktor loved to spoon with him and didn't mind it at all. 

They'd arrived in Cambridge in a state of exhaustion and a few of the men debated who got which room. Viktor and Yuuri somehow ended up on the couch; Chris, Phichit, Georgi, Emil, and Mickey crashed on the floor of the living with plenty of bedrooms available upstairs, and JJ and Isabella fell asleep in the master bedroom. Most of the rooms hadn't been cleaned out in a long time, but Yuuri decided that he'd get them ready for usage by the following night. 

He couldn't help but to kiss the back of Viktor's neck now, knowing fully well this emotion- or want for romance- wouldn't last long and he'd like to enjoy it. He reached over and tentatively took the other man's hand in his, lacing their fingers together. This was what he wanted, but... love was what he truly needed, and he didn't want to admit it, but deep down, he knew he was still in love with Viktor. And maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Still, he was afraid of what's to come. 

What would happen when he started feeling bad about himself again, like the night before? When he needed to push Viktor away? Would that be alright, or would it upset him since they were technically dating now? God, they had a lot to talk about. He had to show Viktor there would be very clear boundaries, but in the nicest way possible.

When would there be enough privacy to do so?

Apparently not now, because he heard someone stirring from his place on the floor. Because of that, he let go of Viktor and rolled onto his other side. 

The person sniffed, mumbled something about one "hell of a hangover" got up to stalk into the kitchen. "Damn it, Chris! How did you forget to buy us food?"

"It's not like we stayed up all night or anything." Chris said from the armchair he was laying on. It was so peculiar hearing what these people sounded like when they'd just woken; mostly moody, though. It gave him a further peek into their lives, but overall, he wasn't very interested in anyone there.

"Well, how about we all fork over ten bucks? That should be enough, considering that there's nine of us."

"How the fuck are there nine of us? There was like, seven last night." Chris said as he pushed himself to his feet. "I never invited nine people."

"You, me, JJ, Georgi, Viktor, Yuuri, Isabella, Emil and Mickey," Phichit paused, counting off from his fingers, "oh! Guang-Hong and Leo are going to be visiting here today."

"This house is going to be crammed."  Chris stood dangerously close to Yuuri. Was he watching him? What did he think of him?

"So we put the girls in one room, and the rest of us guys crowd into whatever beds are around. Besides, Viktor and Yuuri seem pretty cozy on the couch there." Phichit responded coolly.

Damn it. Chris had to have seen him blushing, there was no use pretending to be asleep a moment longer...

"Since when did they become a couple, anyway?" Crap crap crap, another person was coming down the steps. Yuuri couldn't breathe. 

"Oh, you don't know about it? Viktor and Yuuri dated when Yuuri was a senior in high school. It was so sweet to watch unfold." Chris sighed dramatically. "I'd never seen Viktor so obliviously smitten."

"I knew there was something between them." 

Oxygen... failing.....

"Because Yuuri never dressed so nicely before Viktor started coming to our school. Suddenly, he spent a lot more time in front of the mirror."

Yuuri couldn't take it anymore. He rolled over, mumbling softly so they'd know he'd began to wake up.

Sure enough, they took their conversation outside, and Yuuri felt insecurities creeping in. His mood dropped. Bad day ahead. 

* * *

 

By the time the house of nine had fully awaken, it was decided that Georgi and Chris would go out and get McDonald's for everyone, but someone would have to get real groceries at some point in the day. 

Mickey, being the nervous man he was, ordered everyone to claim a bedroom before there would be any arguing and asked that nobody went into the attic. Apparently, the floors weren't sturdy enough to hold a full sized adult. 

Emil offered to go with him outside to check a boat's status, giving them all a chance to breathe. 

"Let's go find a room to stay in," Yuuri tugged Viktor's hand. "Preferably one that isn't too big. I wouldn't want to take up too much space."

"As long as there's one single bed, big enough for both of us." Viktor said flirtatiously, which kind of pissed Yuuri off. _We're not out to everyone yet! You're making me uncomfortable._

Of course, he didn't let it show. 

"Yuuri, I also wanted to talk to you about something," Viktor said as they peeked through the various rooms on the second floor. When none pleased Yuuri, they went to the third. Viktor really wanted one of the master rooms on the second floor, though, because it had its own private bathroom and sitting room.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"I happen to have a medicine on me that has temporary relief to panicking... it helps you relax." He held up a small prescription bottle that had come from his pocket. "I'll give you a half a pill for today, if you want."

"So you're my doctor now? Ah, this one is just fine." It was a small room that they now gazed into, probably the smallest in the house, with just a dresser, a queen sized bed, and a double window viewing the bay. "I like this one."  
 _Oh come ON Yuuri...._

"No use arguing." Viktor tossed his suitcase on the dresser. He then removed his sweatshirt, accidentally causing his shirt underneath to lift up. 

Yuuri moved in closer, lowering the top for him. "And I don't want everyone knowing we're a thing until we're off on our own. So no more flirtatious jokes or actions around the others."

"Yuuri, we just slept in a bed together in that living room." Viktor placed his arms on Yuuri's shoulders, "I spent the night at your house, they all saw you and I–" he dared to move closer to him, "Would it be so bad to just show affection? I mean, come on..."

"Please go away." Yuuri cut in, expression changing from somewhat impatient to once again, upset. "I'm going to unpack, take your stupid pill, and go back to sleep. I don't have the energy for this today."

"Now Yuuri, I didn't mean to upset you," Viktor took a step back. He was starting to panic, because he knew that if Yuuri sunk into a bad mood, he might ruin the entire day. He just wanted to make him happy. Did he have that capability? Maybe he wouldn't until Yuuri was properly medicated. "But here's the pill." He broke it in half, leaving it on the side table. "You probably should rest more. I'll save you lunch, so come downstairs whenever you're ready." 

"Okay. Thanks." This wasn't going to work out. Yuuri wasn't ready.

What was the point? If he didn't wait until Yuuri was better, there'd be a very slim chance of them ever getting together again.

And unless Yuuri initiated it, breaking up would just break his heart all over again.

Viktor went back downstairs in much more of a sour mood before. He ate with the group, and they left without Yuuri to go on a boat ride. It was fun. He enjoyed it. 

Him and the others went out to dinner. He figured it'd be fine, since Yuuri was sound asleep at the time they'd left, and when he came back, Yuuri was still sleeping. Again, everything was okay.

Viktor did manage to go to sleep in the same bed as Yuuri though. Yuuri was fine at the time he got home. He talked casually to Viktor until the man fell asleep, then everything was quiet and good... he didn't expect anything to go wrong…

* * *

 

It was around one thirty the next morning when something did. 

Viktor was generally a heavy sleeper, so at first, the ruckus going on in his room didn't alert him to anything. Had he have known, I'm sure he would've been on his feet immediately. 

That's what Yuuri hoped. He hoped he wouldn't have to wake him, because the truth was, he was ashamed of what he tried to do and didn't want to have to explain himself, but it seemed there'd be no other option. He didn't want Viktor to see him cry, but when he was in pain, he always did, simple as that. 

"Viktor…" when he felt Yuuri's hand shake his shoulder, accompanied by that panicked, crying voice, it was enough to make Viktor's heart start pounding from the moment he regained consciousness. He jolted awake, taking in his surroundings. Yes, it was Yuuri hovering over him, shaking and very pale. What was the cause? Was he sick? Tears streamed down his cheeks, telling Viktor he probably wasn't sick...

No, he decided upon seeing what looked to be a towel pressed against his forearm that was starting to turn light red, Yuuri hurt himself and he needed to act fast.

"I... I didn't mean to- to do it this deep," he cried. Viktor flipped the lights on to get a better look. _Oh god..._ He needed a first aid kit, at the very least. Where did he remember seeing one?

 _The bathroom_.

"Shhhh, shhh...." Viktor cupped his cheeks, brushing back the tears with his thumbs. "Come with me, okay? I'll help you." He kept the towel pressed to Yuuri's forearm, and while it felt like he was slowly leading him to the nearest bathroom, he was probably close to running. He should've known this was coming. He never should've left Yuuri alone, because this is what he did when he was alone. "Did you ever take the pill?" Viktor sat him on the side of the bathtub and began his search for supplies. He knocked down everything in the way of the kit, yanking it from its place in the very back of the cabinet.  _We need gauze, antiseptic, something to make a tourniquet._  
"N-no... I'm sorry..." Yuuri voice squeaked. Viktor hadn't seen him this way since the day they met. He knew he was going pale as well, but after years of training in the medical field, his face remained expressionless and calm.   
"Alright, I'm going to remove the towel and have a look. Is that okay?" He knelt in front of the younger with the decently stocked first aid kit. He didn't want to tell Yuuri that, if it was too deep, he'd have to take him to the hospital whether he liked it or not. 

_I should take him home in the morning. I knew this was a bad idea..._

_No. Stay calm. Yuuri needs you to stay calm._

Viktor carefully removed the towel and placed it across Yuuri's knees to catch the blood. Sure enough, it was a pretty deep cut, but he decided it could last without stitches as long as he tied a tight enough tourniquet. Most importantly, it was far from any major vessel, so he believed Yuuri either didn't intend for it to be dangerous, or changed his mind at the last second and decided to live. "Ah, it's not that bad..." he glanced up at Yuuri, who hadn't calmed or quieted down one bit. He was sobbing, but not so much out of physical pain and more of panic. "Listen to me, you're going to be alright. Deep breaths, Yuuri." 

Deep breaths wasn't working. Viktor could only think of the pill, so he hurried back to their room and split off another half. When he returned, he insisted that Yuuri should take it to calm himself down. This time, he listened. 

While he cleaned the wound with an antibacterial gel, he listened to Yuuri's breathing slowly return to normal; and while tears were still pouring out from his eyes, he wasn't sobbing anymore, just quiet sniffles. 

Finally, he tied the already supplied tourniquet around his forearm after bandaging it with gauze and medical tape. He figured it would hold for a few hours, at least until the sun came up. Then, they'd figure out where to go from there. 

 _If I hadn't left him, this wouldn't have happened_ , Viktor mused, _but he wanted me to stay away_. _Refusing to do so would've only upset him even more. I don't know what to do._

He guided Yuuri back to their bedroom and laid with him. He opened his arms as an offering, but not a demand, for Yuuri to lay there, and the latter accepted this. 

"I want to go see the ocean tomorrow, Viktor," Yuuri had whispered when all had been quiet for a while, "w-will you take me?"

"Of course." Viktor's voice was stiff. Yuuri knew he was mad at him for what he did, but both were too tired to discuss this.

There was a brief pause. "I meant to do it, but I decided something when I did." 

"And what was that, Yuuri?" Came an empty response from the older man.  _There was a pretty damn good reason I quit being an EMT. I'm tired of saving people. I can't take the pressure of having the power to save a life, and end a life. I can't do it._

"I was going for the vein. But... I changed my mind because you were right. I should try to get help and.. maybe I really can be normal again. I really want to try now." Yuuri closed his eyes.

But Viktor wasn't really satisfied with that. To him, the point was that Yuuri tried to do it, whether or not he changed his mind, it wasn't acceptable. He knew it was selfish to wonder: "didn't you think about me? What about us?" But he couldn't stop that. 

Because of that, he decided to wait until the next day to talk, by then, hopefully, he'd be calm enough. "Let's talk more in the morning, alright? I better not catch you out of this bed until I'm awake."

Yuuri smiled weakly. "O-okay. Goodnight."

 _Yuuri, don't you understand what you're asking of me? I can't always be there when you do this. We need to find a way to make sure this never happens again..._ Viktor held him close, relieved he was alright.

* * *

Just a few hours later, Yuuri was awake again. While he still felt guilty about scaring Viktor, he also had a sense of relief. When it came down to trying to kill himself, he'd discovered it really wasn't what he wanted. That had to be somewhat progress.

He was surprised he cut himself, only because that was a very uncommon method for someone as squeamish as Yuuri. Still, he felt certain it wouldn't happen again and was ready to attempt to enjoy the rest of the vacation.

And that pill Viktor gave him? Damn... 

while it didn't make his depressive symptoms go away, it was very strong in its relaxation factors. He knew this wasn't a medication one could get anywhere, and only someone who had the right resources could get their hands on it. 

But why did Viktor have it anyway? Had it always been for Yuuri, or did he use it himself? Strange. 

It was still nice though. Made him feel like he was in a trance or something, and he was still feeling the effects of it. 

When he tried to move out of his position in Viktor's arms, the latter immediaetely woke up. For a moment, his face was the image of peace, that is, until he remembered the events that happened a few hours before. "Hey, you," Viktor still wore a smile so that Yuuri wouldn't feel panicked.  
"Hi," Yuuri smiled back. He leaned in and summoned the courage to peck Viktor's cheek. "Do you want to go on a walk?"

"A walk sounds wonderful. Why don't you come to the bathroom with me first, so I can check the bandages?" This wasn't a question, this was a demand, so how could Yuuri say no?

Viktor was quick to inspect and change the gauze. The bleeding had stopped, but he retied the tourniquet anyway. Yuuri noticed that Viktor's hands were bloodstained. He watched the blood wash down the drain of the sink, stomach churning in nervousness. Was Viktor angry? He looked angry.

The two trudged down to the docks, where boats bobbed effortlessly with the wind and gentle current. No one was out on the water yet, and save for the gulls chirping overhead, it was silent. They sat on the edge of the docks, dipping their toes in the water. Yuuri decided to end the silence. "Are you mad at me, Viktor?"

Viktor wasn't mad, he was frightened and disappointed.Frightened because was afraid he wouldn't be there for Yuuri next time, and disappointed that Yuuri clearly didn't trust him enough to tell him how exactly he was feeling that night. "I guess I'm just worried it'll happen again. I don't want to lose you." 

Yuuri looked out at the sun slipping over the horizon, hugging his knees as he gathered his thoughts. "I should've warned you, but this is how I am when I get overly upset. Obviously, I'm not very good at dealing with my emotions, and I'm sorry I scared you."

"I thought I wasn't afraid of stuff like that anymore. I was an EMT for eight years, I've seen the worst of the worst, but every time I see you hurt, I can't see straight. I get terrified." He reached over, taking his hands, "Promise me, Yuuri, that you will find alternatives to harming yourself. I'll help you anytime you need it, but please don't hurt yourself."

"I don't usually do that." He squeezed Viktor's hands, "It surprised even me. I know it was stupid and I really fucked up this time. You probably don't even want to be with me anymore, and I get that." While he "got" that, he still felt like crying just thinking about it.

"I do want to be with you, don't you know that? I'm just not sure what you want of me."

Yuuri didn't hesitate to answer. "When I push you away, it doesn't mean I want you to leave. It just means I need space for a minute, but when you leave like you did yesterday, I'm too shy to come back to you and ask for help. I just want you and I to be together someday, but if I'm going to make you miserable, you can leave. I was hoping though, that someday when I'm better, I can make you happy being just the way I am.  _We can be happy_."

"I'm not going anywhere, Yuuri," Viktor slid his arm around his waist, causing the other man to lean his head against his shoulder, "I'll stay by your side through your recovery process. You're going to make it, I know that for a fact."

And Yuuri decided as they watched the rising sun, that even if he didn't see any reason to keep going on, he would continue to try for Viktor. He would make him proud someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a whirlwind of emotions, and understandably, we're all shaken.   
> By the way, I intend on updating weekly, on either Friday or Saturday from now on. I haven't decided on how many chapters this will have, but as of right now, I'm shooting for at least twelve. The next chapter technically will still be part of the chapter five arc, frustratingly labeled as chapter six. sigh.
> 
> ALSO IM SURE YOU ARE ALL WONDERING: WHERE IS THE FLASHBACK SEGMENT THAT I ALWAYS DOOOOOO?????  
> As this is the spring break edition, and Yuuri-of-the-past's spring break already occurred, I didn't add it. Soon though, there will be a biiiiiiig piece dedicated to past Yuuri that you should all really enjoy.
> 
> Bye for now :D
> 
> Reddy


	6. The Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri learns he's not the only one with a sad heart, and the two old friends have to find ways to subtly comfort one another in a public place. Is the boardwalk really the best place to have a heart-to-heart? Maybe not, but it doesn't matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real Life Location- Ocean City, Maryland- aka where I spent 99% of my childhood summers and I love it to death :D

May, 2011

_Wake up! Wake up!!—_

"Yuuri..."  he jolted awake, in the same bed as always after a terrible nightmare. That wasn't real.... it was just Viktor here... everything was the same as it had been when he fell asleep.

Yuuri opened his eyes, filling with relief upon seeing the young man he trusted laying beside him. He cuddled himself into Viktor's hold, taking a few deep breaths. _Damn, that dream felt so real…_

"Another bad dream?" Viktor asked knowingly, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s waist.

"Yeah... I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" He felts so secure here, even though he knew what his family was thinking in the other room and how angry they’d be when they found out Viktor was staying the night.  
  
The only person who probably wouldn’t say anything was Emmett, Mari’s boyfriend. He would want to keep a good impression up. Impression or not, however, Emmett would never physically hurt Yuuri. When he was younger and while Mari was still dating him somewhere around Yuuri's middle school years, Emmett was like the older brother he never had. Sometimes, he'd let Yuuri tag along with him and Mari on their weekly trips out of town; they frequently went to movies, plays, baseball games and boat riding, and those days Yuuri would eat more than he did all week. He always wore his best clothes too, upon Emmett's request, and if he didn't have anything deemed suitable, they'd stop into Sears and get something. Whether he admitted it or not, Emmett had a soft side for Yuuri since the day he met him; nearly a year after the horrific situation that occurred in which Yuuri was tied to a tree in his backyard for a full winter's day by Mari's ex as a prank. When she found out, she dumped him and tried to press charges, but it fell through. Only Yuuri knew the extent of what happened. He never told Mari what really occurred because he didn’t want her to think it was her fault. It was his.

"Nah, I was still awake. What was it about?" Viktor gently rubbed his shoulders, bring Yuuri back to reality. He pulled the comforter he'd brought over further across Yuuri to keep him warm. It was awfully chilly that night thanks to the cold front coming in. 

"Nobody that's real," he assured, "just a man I'd have nightmares about a couple years ago."

"What do you mean?" Viktor looked confused. _I forgot that there’s so much he doesn’t know, because it feels like he already knows everything about me._

He sighed. "After some really dark times, I made up this man named Matt. He would torment me in my head. Sometimes, I felt like he was really lying beside me, saying the most awful things, but he's a made up person. I haven't dreamed of him since I was fifteen."

"Why did you choose that name?" Yuuri decided to lay on top of the young man so he could get his back massaged, slowly, soothingly...

"After one incident..." because he'd mentioned this to Viktor in the hospital without any detail at all, "the officer that came over that night, he asked me awful personal questions I didn't want to answer. I was only eleven... and his name was Matt." He wound several locks of Viktor's hair around his fingers meticulously so he could keep his mind distracted. "Things got better after that, you know? But I created Matt so that I could cope with the reality of it all."

"After that event, did your sister have any other bad people come around?" 

"No. She'd see people out of the house, but nobody besides Emmett– when she's back with him– is ever allowed in. Emmett wouldn't hurt me, even if he is a jerk." Because he didn't like Yuuri anymore. He called him awful  names in both public and private ever since Yuuri came out as gay to his family back in February, shortly before attempting suicide.

It'd been a long process for him to fully accept who he was, and the only response he'd gotten at the time was: is it because of what Mari's ex boyfriend did?

And when he said it wasn't, that he'd always been sexually attracted to men, they didn't believe him and the teasing, bullying, and verbal abuse began. From his parents, it was being constantly ignored. Silence instead of support was his punishment for being himself. 

And now that they knew he'd been seeing Viktor, it was only getting worse, up to the point his father threatened to refuse to give him his college money. He didn't care though, he wouldn't be moved. He really liked, if not loved, Viktor, and he'd only known him for less than three months.

Besides, graduation was two weeks away. He could do this. 

"I'm glad you told me this. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for you, though." Viktor kissed the top of his head. "Try to get some sleep, you've got school tomorrow." 

"Thanks for the reminder." He said humorlessly. "Viktor? What happens after I graduate?"

"You go to college." Viktor already had his eyes closed again, chest slowly moving up and down with each breath he took. 

"But… what about summer? What are we going to do?" Yuuri pressed. 

"We could rent a place for the summer if you want," he suggested, "but it'll have to be close to the station. I'm sure your family wouldn't come bother you."

Yuuri loved the idea of moving in with him. So what if they'd only been dating for a short period of time? Yuuri needed a new place to live, anyplace but his current home. Also, the idea of being cuddled up in bed like this with Viktor every night sounded like a dream... 

~~~

In the morning, his mother was less than thrilled to find that "damn American boy" intimately close while sleeping with her son. She didn't recall seeing him come in through the front door either. Why was Yuuri being so sneaky? It was disrespectful.

" _He's with that boy again_ ," she scowled when asked what was wrong, only speaking Japanese should Viktor overhear, " _he can't do this, not here. It isn't good, and it isn't safe_."

" _Remember dear mother, he's eighteen now. I started dating when I was like thirteen. I was wondering if he ever would_." Mari stated in defense of her little brother. " _And besides, you never cared when I did_."

" _You know this is different_." Her father responded. " _You remember what happened to that kid in town not too long ago because he was gay. Yuuri will follow the same path and end up dead_."

" _Yeah, but you don't know that_." His sister was growing annoyed. Viktor wasn't a bad guy. She'd seen (when her parents weren't home and he didn't have to sneak in) how good he was to Yuuri and how happy he made him. " _He's not hurting anybody, and_..." it was time to drop the bombshell, " _I gave Yuuri permission to invite that boy to his graduation, so when our family arrives, he'll be sitting with us_."

" _And as if you had any right to do that, Mari_!" She was scolded, in front of Emmett (who had no idea what was going on), as if she were eight years old again. " _Boys like him die from AIDS and other terrible things. He doesn't understand the consequences_!"

" _Oh god, Dad, now you're assuming Viktor has AIDS_?" I mean, she understood the concern, but really? “ _If Yuuri was going to be intimate with him, he's smart enough to know to take precautions_."

" _It's his first relationship. Do you really think he's being cautious_?" Her father countered. 

" _Alright, fair enough, but consider this_." This would silence them. " _After all the trauma your son has been through, he's managed to find someone he's comfortable with. Did you think about that? We never thought he'd be able to start and maintain a relationship since he's been traumatized, but look– look how much he's changed since March! He's a different person than he was, he's brighter and smiling more and looks so much healthier... how can you think it's wrong_?? _Yuuri is in a better place, he’s happy for probably the first time in his life. That’s what you should want for him_!"

" _We'll finish this discussion once and for all_." Toshiya Katsuki said through gritted teeth. " _Go wake up your brother and tell him to get out here_."

Meanwhile, Yuuri was dressing in his room, knowing fully well he was in trouble and prepared some possible responses:

  1. I'm sorry
  2. It won't happen again
  3. He's just a friend
  4. He was supposed to go home but accidentally fell asleep.
  5. I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions now, it's okay.
  6. Don't kick me out.



"Do you want me to come get you after school?" Viktor was getting back into uniform, as he was due back by nine o'clock. He slipped the dark blue teeshirt over his head, but kept his eyes towards Yuuri’s figure. "I took off this weekend, besides, the new kids are going to be there and the station will be crowded. We could go up to my parents' house, they won't be home."

“T-They won’t?” Yuuri pretended to be distracted by looking for a missing schoolbook, but his heart was starting to flutter in excitement and a little bit of fear. “I- yeah… that sounds like fun.”

“Great. I think you’ll have a good time.” The older boy tied his boots, but his thoughts were someplace else. An entire weekend alone with none other than Yuuri Katsuki… this would be the best weekend of his life, he just knew it—

“Yuuri, Dad wants you.” Mari was at the door. She was _looking right at Viktor._ “Bring your friend too, okay?” Her face was emotionless, but her eyes said: _I’m really sorry, Yuuri._

_Crap._

Yuuri grabbed his backpack from the dresser, giving Viktor a wary glance, “I’m sorry in advance. My dad can be a real asshole when he wants to be.”  
“Hey, it’s no problem,” Viktor said coolly, “I get the concerns, but you’re not a kid anymore, so what can he do, really?”

 _There’s a lot he can do,_ Yuuri thought sadly, _I’m sorry I put you in this situation._

An hour later, instead of sitting in his homeroom, Yuuri was still seated in Viktor’s car, sucking in desperate breaths of air while he did his best not to cry. This was common, but it was something he typically did in the school bathroom, not someone he really like’s car. His father had been ruthless, closing out any defense Viktor or Yuuri tried to make on their behalf. The decision was final: If Viktor was caught at their house again, Yuuri would be both kicked out of the house and be refused the college savings that they’d been holding for over a decade.

And on top of all that, they had to go humiliate him and go on about how dangerous unprotected sex was, how irresponsible Yuuri was being and all the diseases and infections he could get—as if Viktor were some kind of dirty, disease-filled animal that needed to be put down. He finally was able to catch his breath, and upon ignoring the concerned stare of his only friend, opened the door. “I need to go.”  
“Are you sure? You could—“

“No, I have a test today,” Yuuri replied shortly. “ I don’t think we should keep seeing each other after this.” God, that hurt to say. “If my parents aren’t going to give me my college funds, I’ll have nothing. And I don’t want to put you in that situation, you know? I’m sorry.”

Viktor scowled, but it wasn’t because of Yuuri’s words. “I’ll comply, under one condition.” Wow, he was taking this better than Yuuri thought, considering how close they’d been getting over the past few weeks. “Let me pick you up after school… just to talk for a while.”

“Okay… see you later then.” Yuuri smiled weakly, leaning in halfway for a parting kiss to which he was given.  
“Parting is such sweet sorrow, my dear,” Viktor clutched his heart dramatically. “What ever shall I do all day?”  
“Um… your job?” He smiled cutely through the tears that still fell stubbornly, despite all his efforts. “I have to go.”  
“Must you be so cruel?” Viktor groaned, lying back against the seat. “I’ll be waiting right here, darling!”

“Shut up!” Yuuri punched his foot playfully, deciding on his last words. “Get out of here.” Here goes nothing…  
“Goodbye, meanie.” Viktor’s lips curled into a pout. _Are you five? Why are you so annoying, yet so cute? God I… I…  
_ “I love you, dork. Now go away before I take it back!” Yuuri fled across the parking lot before he could hear a response, heart racing with excitement.

* * *

 

April, 2017  
  
"Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod...." Georgi just didn't know what to do the night before when he came across something he shouldn't have. Why did he have to choose a bedroom on the third floor? Everyone else was on the second floor and he had to choose the third just because one of the rooms had a library (and a balcony and slightly better view than everyone else's downstairs).

He went to bed early that night because of the headache from his sunburn, and slept peacefully until around one thirty. He knew it was Yuuri in the bathroom on the other side of the wall, simply because Viktor wouldn't possibly be up yet after the day he had. 

Glass shattered. 

This, of course, terrified him, because he assumed something terrible happened to Yuuri. So he carefully got out of bed, hurrying towards the bathroom. It was just before he knocked that the door flew open and Yuuri rushed past him into his bedroom. 

Georgi peeked into the bathroom, horrified at what he saw, and went back to safety. Wait till the others heard about this. He’d never seen anything quite like it, and he knew it was none of his business, which made it even better.

He knew secrets about everyone, for starters. He knew that Michele and Emil secretly married during winter break and only wore their matching, silver rings after work. Did he tell anyone else? Not a soul. Hell, Mickey didn't even know he knew. If he hadn’t have accidentally found Mickey’s ring in his desk, and further more accidentally discovering Emil with its match, he wouldn’t have known at all.

He also knew that behind closed doors, Chris had been hooking up with the vice principal, some young guy who mostly stayed in his office, up to his neck in paperwork Mr. Feltsman didn't want to do. 

The man was kind of like Yuuri in his shyness, but unlike Yuuri, he was a normal guy, new to the town but willing to talk to anyone who offered. Chris, however, was a different story than the others. Georgi suspected they must've started dating around the Thanksgiving Party, but it could've been before that. He'd first suspected something after that break when he noticed Chris would slip off to some unknown location during lunch when he used to eat with the group in the break room. Sure enough, he'd been with the vice principal, and still was, but nobody could know about it or else someone would lose their job. Namely, Chris, who was forbidden to date any staff after a fiasco the year before.

So yeah, he kept those secrets because they weren't actually hurting anyone. Yuuri, though, was hurting himself. What if the children at school found out? What if he wasn't mentally stable and would put them in danger?

He decided to tell everyone, but encourage them to actually help Yuuri instead of judging him and turning away. 

So, at around eight the next morning, Georgi rehearsed how he'd tell the story, checked the bathroom (which was still bloodstained), and went to find the rest of the group.

It was hard to keep secrets. It really was, and he concluded on his way downstairs that if they didn't do what he wanted (to help Yuuri), he would release secrets about them. Simple as that.

Downstairs, Emil was in the kitchen preparing pancake batter while listening to his favorite radio station and singing along every now and then to get on Mickey’s nerves. He was a goofball, so lighthearted and fun, the exact contrast to Mickey's serious personality. Maybe that's why he loved him so much.  They completed each other; what one lacked the other had and they both felt satisfied. However, in public, they fought like cats and dogs and barely looked in each other's direction. Nobody but Georgi ever would've guessed that they'd been in a relationship off and on since high school, and whenever they broke up, it wasn't long, because both would get terribly sad without the other. 

Emil tried to hit the high note of the song, nearly breaking glass along with it, much to the horror of his spouse. " _Emil_! Somebody will hear you!"

"What? You used to love singing that part back in middle school, remember? You thought it was hilarious." Emil recalled fondly, smiling at the image of 12 year old Mickey dragged into karaoke night at the fire hall. He still had video...

"This isn't middle school, and you're not me," Mickey glanced around to see if anyone was listening. "I can never understand how you just... don't care what people think of you."

"The way I've always seen it, is nothing else really matters other than what you think." He shrugged. "Blueberries or chocolate chips?"

"That's horrible, Emil. Horrible— uh, blueberries, please." Mickey was going to resume his nagging (he usually wasn't like this, only with Emil, though, he'd nag just about anyone else) but he decided to come clean about what was wrong instead. "I'm sorry if I'm being annoying...but today I just woke up with this uneasy feeling and I don't know why, and you know how I get..."

"Yeah, wouldn't I know," Emil mused, turning serious at the new piece of news, "have you heard from your sister today, then? I bet if you talk to her you'll probably feel at ease." 

"I spoke with her before you woke up, she's on that flight down to the Caribbean with the secretary... but the feeling is still there. I don't know how to shake it." Elbows on the counter, he rested his face in his hands. “I feel like something’s happening _here_.”

"So maybe we stay in today," Emil went around the counter to face him, caring less about the pancakes, "just me and you. Everybody has bad days, and you can just fake an illness or something so nobody suspects anything." He threw his arms around Mickey, "Hey. Why don't you go back to bed? I got it here!"

"You sure?" Mickey was hesitant, but going back to bed sounded like heaven right about now. 

"Positive!!"

"What did I ever do to deserve you, Emil?" He smiled wearily, returning the tight hug. "You're an amazing man."

"I'm only like this because of you!" Cheerfully, Emil picked Mikey up in the hug. "I love you, Michele Crispino!!!"

" _Shh_...! Ah.." Mickey couldn't help but give up and laugh, "s-shut up! Somebody probably heard you, ya moron! P-put me down!" 

The only reason Emil complied is because he heard someone coming down the steps. If no one had been, he’d continue until Mickey begged for mercy. "Sorry," he blushed. "Go on to bed! Jerk..."

"Sure thing, idiot." Mickey's face was equally as flushed, which could've caused suspicion had anyone else but Georgi been the one to enter the room. Behind him, though, was the rest of the gang. That was too close. 

"Guys, I have something serious to talk to you about. It's very important."

"Did something break?! What did you do?" Of course, Mickey's already in a panic. Lord, he felt a migraine coming on just from getting back into character. "Tell me, now!"

"Calm down! Nothing broke. Everyone needs to hear this. It's about Yuuri."

* * *

 

"Hey, Viktor, hold this for me." Yuuri put a pair of jeans in Viktor's lap after they'd returned to their room that morning. Everyone was busy having a seemingly important conversation in the kitchen, so they didn't want to interrupt. 

"Why?"

"Because I'm making them into shorts." Yuuri explained, fishing through one of the drawers for the scissors he'd seen the day before. 

"Okay, but why do you need to do that? You brought some, right?" Viktor held up the jeans. He wasn't as small a size as he thought, but still.... this was small for a man of his height.

"I thought my old shorts would work, but they're too torn up to wear. It's a shame, really, I've had those since like four years ago and they always served me well." He sat cross-legged in front of Viktor on the bed. "Alright, let me at them. After I cut the legs off, I'll hem it so it looks normal."

"Are you sure it wouldn't be easier just to buy more?" Viktor wondered. That's what he always did. But he had to remind himself that Yuuri grew up in a different situation where you don't waste anything, you recycle it and save as much as you can.

"These will do just fine." Yuuri assured him. He cut off one of the legs just past the knee, then repeated the action for the other side. "There. I think that's good."

"Hm, I'm impressed. I bet you won't even be able to tell after they're hemmed."

Yuuri blushed. "We'll see. Hand me the needle and thread."

"I didn't know you could sew." Viktor observed, watching his movements carefully. He wound the needle in and out of the inside out jeans as if he were an expert, and judging by how he lived, he probably was. 

"Something I've had to learn to survive." He told him. "I don’t like to waste things, and the fabric at the knee of these was getting thin anyway.”

"You're a man of many talents, Yuuri."

"You better not start flirting with me just so I'll hem your work pants," the younger joked, "I won't have it."

"What if I paid you?" Viktor pouted playfully. "Wouldn't you do it for me?"

"No, because I would be too afraid that I'd mess it up and ruin the pants." Yuuri snapped the thread and flipped his jeans to the right side. "See? They're perfect!" And they were. They looked like a brand new pair of shorts straight out of the store.

Viktor smiled at his adorable enthusiasm. He didn't seem to care he was too poor to afford a good pair of shorts, he was proud that he found a way to make his own. How cute was that? "You did a good job. Try them on, though, before you brag about your talent."

Yuuri laughed nervously. "Oh... duh." 

_He doesn't usually laugh at all...I guess today is one of his “okay” days…_

He took off the sweatpants he'd been wearing with no shyness or shame. Viktor tried not to look out of politeness, but he wanted to see how Yuuri's body had changed over the years. Fading scars from his senior year of high school and more recent stretch marks littered his upper and inner thighs, but he was rather underweight at this point in his life. That's all he could see. 

Yuuri slid on the dark blue jeans-turned-shorts effortlessly and buttoned them. He admired his handiwork, looking to Viktor for approval. "Well?"

"Beautiful."

"Ahh...  thank you." was he laughing again? Sure, it was bashful, but still!!! 

"Come here," Viktor cupped his cheeks and laid a gentle kiss on his lips. Yuuri looked surprised, but he let Viktor hold him that way. "You're so creative, Yuuri. I think it's neat that you have these kinds of ideas."

"I'm... I'm still not hemming your pants." Yuuri stammered. "Nice try, though." He didn’t pull away. He wanted more, without knowing how to express it.

"What, I'm not allowed to compliment you?" 

"No, you are not." He responded. "Enough mushy talk. I want to go to the beach!"

"Alright, alright already. Yeeesh." Viktor raised his hands in defense. "Kill me, why don't you?"

"I'm thinking about it." Yuuri sprawled across the bed. "I'm hungry, Viktor. Where are we going for breakfast?"

"Yuuri, dearest, they've made food downstairs." 

"But I don't want to eat with them... they hate me and probably will poison my food." He rested his face in the pillow, sighing softly as he pondered his options. "And what will they say about my arm?"

"How is your arm, anyway?" Viktor laid beside him, eyeing the tourniquet. "Should I check it again?"

"It does hurt a little," Yuuri confessed, "it stings."

"I hope it's not getting infected." The older of the two went into the bathroom and retrieved the first aid kit. "May I have a quick look?"

"Yes…"

Viktor unwrapped the tourniquet, causing Yuuri to wince at the sudden exposure. The cut was scarier than Viktor remembered, from above his wrist, it was about four inches long. It was scabbed lightly, but he didn't like the discoloration of it. "Alright, I'm using more Neosporin on this. If it starts getting worse with this infection, we'll have to reopen it."

"Sounds painful," Yuuri looked away. _I’m so foolish for dragging him into this._

"It will be." He agreed. "And you do understand this will probably leave a scar, right? Maybe not your whole forearm, but..." Viktor's finger circled the center of the cut; the deepest. "This will."

Yuuri pinched his lips together, eyes closed as he pondered the truth of that statement. He really _did mess up_. "Wouldn't be my first scar though. I can handle it. Can you- can you wrap it up again? After that let's go downstairs and eat before we go. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"'Kay." Viktor had wrapped up so many wounds in his life that he barely needed to pay attention to his work to be precise. Friends recommended he became a doctor, and he also wondered why he chose psychology instead of something he was actually good at— saving lives. But saving lives was so draining, it took such a toll on him mentally— he knew it wasn't the path for him at the moment. But hey, if he wanted to spend another six or so years in med school, he could totally go for it. Maybe when he was ready to settle down with his beloved and raise children, he’d finish off and get another shiny degree. But who knows, really…

"And... Viktor…one more thing?"

"Anything."

"Will you–" _god, this is going to sound so cheesy_ , "will you kiss me again?" _Because I want to feel comfort, even though I'm sure it won't work._

"Why don't you go for it yourself? I don't bite." Yes, another thing that bothered Viktor. Why did Yuuri always make him do all the work? If he wanted a kiss, he could go for it. It's not like Viktor would say no... like ever. 

Yuuri frowned, looking down at his freshly wrapped arm. "N-never mind."

 _Lord, give me strength_ , Viktor pleaded. _Give me patience. I know he's scared, but he's definitely ready. Why can't he just take that leap of faith? It's so frustrating..._

Nevertheless, he complied. Viktor pulled Yuuri into his lap so that the younger straddled him. Yuuri's face was the color of either a tomato, the wall, or both. "You should know we can do this anytime you want... you don't have to ask."

"I just never know when the right time is. I don't want to embarrass myself."

"Well, what are you thinking right now? What do you feel?"

Yuuri took a deep breath. "Your hands, the way they're on my lower back, and the fact I'm sitting in your lap tells me you probably want to."

"Okay. And what about you?"

Yuuri knew he felt okay with this. Somewhere, deep down, he felt the urge for so much more than just…"Well, I'm letting you do all these things, I feel calm about it. That must mean—"

Viktor cut him off, initiating another kiss. Yuuri didn't know what to do, where to put his hands and if he was even kissing properly (it'd been some years now since he'd been in this position), but he did his best.

_That time in the parking lot a few weeks back didn't count. That was a different me._

_God, I suck at this. You'd think it was my first time_ , Yuuri thought as he rested his head on Viktor, shivering while kisses were laid across his shoulder and neck.

_I should stay away from him. I embarrass myself._

_Wait, no I don’t. Viktor actually wants me right now, I mean, look at what he’s doing. I could take advantage of this, I should… for as long as this feeling lasts. No more wasting chances…_

He surprised Viktor by rising from his position and switching roles, letting Viktor feel the sensation he’d been longing for. He pressed his lips against Viktor’s, soft, at first, then hard, hands in his hair and chests pressed together. Viktor’s hands slid up from his waist to his back, pulling him closer if it was even possible. He felt that since Yuuri was such a good kisser, if all he ever wanted to do was kiss him for the rest of time, he’d be okay with that. Yuuri flicked his tongue across Viktor’s lips, pushing it inside when the invitation was accepted. _This feels good, but you know it won’t last long. Keep going.  
_ Tongues swirled and names were whispered softly, but in the end, it didn’t last much longer as kisses spread in length and distance apart, to the point where Yuuri simply rested his head against Viktor’s chest, panting gently. “You still got it, Nikiforov,” he said.

* * *

 

When the young men had finished off whatever that was, they went downstairs to find the rest of the group chatting away over pancakes and hashbrowns. The room, however, went silent when Yuuri entered. He tried to ignore it. "Good morning, guys."

"Hey Yuuri.." came a unanimous response. 

 He found his hands shaking when he attempted to make a plate for himself, but it seemed like nobody would notice that if he diverted the attention someplace else. "Beautiful out there, huh?"

"Oh yeah,"

"Uh-huh.."

"Yep."

"Sure thing, Yuuri."

This was going nowhere. "Viktor and I were thinking about going to Ocean City today. Would anyone else maybe want to come with us?"

Chris and Phichit met gazes, then nodded. "We were going to go today and meet up with my friend." Chris explained. Georgi gave him a look. That 'friend' was actually more like a 'lover' who offered him a ride back home when the week was over. 

"And I think the rest of us would enjoy the trip. We could leave in an hour; it's still early enough." JJ agreed. He's awful mature this morning...

Why was everyone staring at him?

"Okay, cool. We all go." He poured a large helping of syrup on the pancakes. It'd been far too long since he'd had some...

"Actually, I have plans for the day and Mickey's not feeling well. I think he'll be staying here." Emil added quickly upon the frantic look of his spouse. Nobody found it suspicious other than poor Mr. Popovich.

"Aww..."

"Okay..."

"We'll bring you back a souvenir!"

"Absolutely!" 

"Before we do leave, um... there's something we wanted to ask you about." Georgi tried to look as patient and concerned as possible as the conversation turned back to Yuuri. 

Crap. 

"What would that be?" Viktor cut in, suddenly appearing fascinated with the conversation. 

"Um... Yuuri... it's your arm. I heard glass shatter and I was wondering if you were okay." There, Georgi managed to say it. Everyone let out a collective breath they didn't know they were holding. 

Yuuri, however, couldn't breathe. If he ran away, they'd know he self-harmed. If he stayed, he needed to come up with a helluva good lie. And he needed to do it quickly. People were staring. 

"Ah, it was all a crazy accident. I'm okay. Just a little cut." He smiled. "I accidentally knocked a hand mirror off the counter like the idiot I am, and when I got out of the shower to grab it, I slipped and fell on the glass. I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone heard me."

Nobody believed him, but they pretended they did.

"Ah, okay..."

"It's alright, Yuuri."

"Aww..."

"You'll be alright.”

He felt a little better, comfortable enough to sit down and eat. He didn't realize how hungry he'd been. "Everyone here has been to the ocean, right?" Good time for a subject change since nobody was staring at his arm. 

"Everyone except you, Yuuri," Phichit smiled widely. "I'll have to sit with you in the car, there's so much you should know about the beach!"

Yuuri loathed the idea, but how could he refuse?  
~~~

Ocean City was a small town on a peninsula, nearly completely surrounded by water with a very limited width. Yuuri supposed that someone who loved the ocean very much would be perfectly content with calling this place home, but for him, he wondered: _What the hell would they do in a really bad hurricane?_

He made the two hour trip down to the shore in a car filled to the brim with passengers. Since Mickey strangely turned out to be sick and Emil suddenly had plans, there was enough room in the van for everyone to ride, but it was a little squished. Yuuri insisted on a window seat, but somehow got caught between Phichit and Viktor, the latter which he didn’t mind, the former he did.

Despite how cruel Phichit had been in the weeks before, he was nothing but smiles now, but Yuuri saw how his eyes kept flicking to Yuuri’s bandage, and he felt the suspicion. Still, he pretended he was too engrossed in the movie he was watching on Viktor’s phone— Viktor had been sound asleep since about five minutes after they’d left— but the film was far too boring for him to really concentrate on. It was a documentary about some feral child found _x_ years ago, he didn’t remember much else. Sigh.

In the seat in front of him, Georgi Popovich looked violently uncomfortable, but also a little pissed as he kept shooting glares up to the passenger seat at Christophe Giacometti, who ignored him. Something was going on, but he didn’t want to ask. It was none of his business.

Traffic slowed as they passed a university, to which Yuuri quickly glanced away. “Why are we stopping?” He asked quietly.  
“Oh, it’s always like this before the bridge,” Phichit explained. “It takes forever, honestly, no matter the time of year.” _Thanks, but I didn’t ask you._

“So, does that mean we’re almost there?”

“As soon as this damn traffic moves,” JJ responded. “Try not to get your panties in a tangle though, this could take up to a half hour.” _Really???_

Yuuri couldn’t really look out the window; if he looked to his left, he’d have to meet Phichit’s stare, to the right, Sleeping Beauty had his head leant against it, and Georgi and JJ’s fiancée had the sun-shields up on theirs. He sighed impatiently. “Is everyone moving slow because of a particular reason? Is it an accident?”

“Do you want to drive, Snow White?” JJ shot back impatiently. “I’m going as fast as I can, okay?”

Frowning, Yuuri sat back in his seat, letting an insult rest against his tongue. _And Snow White, why would he call me that_?

The film was nearly finished, but since Yuuri was too bored to watch the rest anyway, he decided to explore what else Viktor had on his phone. Firstly, he checked his contact list, searching for his own name. He found it, a formal “Yuuri Katsuki”, no special emoji around it, no contact picture, just his phone number.

Other people, like Chris or Georgi, had specific emojis around them, funny nicknames like Chrissy G and G-Orgy, contact pictures, their personal, work, and other emails, home and cell numbers, and links to social media pages, so how could Yuuri get nothing like that?

 _Because I’m not on the same level of friendship as they are,_ he thought, _he may still be a little bitter with me, but that’s doubtful. In fact, I’m glad he doesn’t have a picture of me, that would be embarrassing and rude of him._

The van moved forward, startling Yuuri as traffic seemed to be moving again. He put Viktor’s phone back and looked out his window. There it was. _I made it._

Tearfully, he remembered a promise he’d made himself during his freshman year of college regarding the ocean, but now wasn’t the time or the place to get emotional.

“Let’s go to Macky’s!” Phichit cried excitedly. “I’m famished!”

Yuuri did not want to go to Macky’s.

“Hell no, Phichit, I know you just want to hit up that candy store next door.” Chris called back to him. The windows were rolled down now as they drove into town, and Yuuri’s lungs were overtaken with the salt coming from the water. He almost felt like gagging, it was a little too much for a first-timer like himself, but oh well.

Tragically, their ride was short. Yuuri’s heart pounded when JJ pulled into a parking lot by the sand, sitting in front of the amusement park. The Ferris Wheel turned slowly in the wind, and in the distance he could hear music playing. For now, though, his focus was the water.

He scrambled out of the car, the second the doors opened (much to everyone’s disapproval) and swiftly walked- if not jogged- down to the water’s edge without really looking ahead. He wanted his first look to take his breath away, and truly, it did, because….

Yuuri’s feet were covered by icy water, thrilling him as he watched the wave recede. He was so engulfed by the view of the endless, dark blue water, that he didn’t notice a large wave forming, ready to crash on the shore— until it was too late.

Yuuri was forced into a somersault as the water pummeled over him. While a normal person would’ve been petrified, upon rising to the surface, soaking wet and spitting out the salty water, he laughed.  
The rest of the gang had been rushing down the beach, lugging chairs and the umbrella among other things, and Phichit was first to reach the drenched man. “Hey, are you okay?”

Yuuri beamed up at him. “Not what I was expecting but—ah, cold!” another smaller wave covered his seated body up to his waist, “It’s fun!”  
Phichit was taken aback. When’s the last time Yuuri’s talked about fun? They don’t usually correlate. “You’re drenched, Yuuri.”

“It’s hot out,” he defended, burying his hands in the wet sand. It felt smooth, save for the tiny cracked shells poking out. “You should leave me here all day.”

“Not likely.” Phichit crouched beside him, facing away from the water. “The problem with wet sand is, it gets into your underwear and it’s almost impossible to scrub…”  
“Phichit…” Yuuri warned.  
“Don’t interrupt! It’s good advice for you to…”  
“But Phichit… behind you.”

Phichit’s reaction time was too slow, and he too was pelted by another wave. However, he wasn’t as much of a fan. “Damn it! Dammmmmn it!” his hair flopped down into his eyes as he splashed towards the others. “Give me a towel! I didn’t bring extra clothes!”

Eventually, they split up. Georgi and Phichit went off to find Phichit some clothes, JJ took his fiancée to lunch, Chris disappeared, and Viktor had been half asleep in a beach chair, or so Yuuri thought. He had his head bowed and a towel covering his face so he wouldn’t burn, but he might’ve been wide awake.

Yuuri didn’t want to take his eyes from the water. He was calmed at its consistency, how there was always a wave following one, and then the next. _The ocean knows its purpose and doesn’t disappoint_ , he thought.  
After a few more minutes though, he was starting to get cold, it was getting too hard to keep his bandage from getting soaked and he figured maybe sitting in the sand with a warm towel around his shoulders wouldn’t be so bad.

He slowly walked up to the umbrella Viktor was sleeping under, searching for a towel. Okay, his cut was _really_ stinging now. He’d have to change it.  
He opened the bag Viktor had brought along and dug out the first aid kit. Glancing around quickly, Yuuri untied the bandage with a flinch, daring to peer in to the cut. The surrounding area was bright red as if it had been burned, but at the cut’s entrance it once again looked yellowish. That wasn’t good. Doing his best to remain silent, he poured peroxide around it, then, with shaking hands, put on a fresh bandage that he promised himself would remain dry. When he looked over at Towel-Man, though, he found Viktor’s face there instead, eyes watching him carefully.

“You don’t listen well, do you?” Viktor mused.

“Ah, I… I, uh…” no words of an excuse could come out of Yuuri’s mouth. He knew he was supposed to keep his arm dry. Did he listen? Nah.

“Alright, whatever, what I really want to know is, where’s everyone?” Yuuri filled him in quickly, adding that he wasn’t sure where Chris went because he didn’t say.

“Cool. Looks like we’re free for a while.” Viktor stood. “Do you want to go do something?”

Actually, food was calling Yuuri’s name right now… “Yeah. Let’s go eat. I can smell those fries from here.  
After eating lunch, Viktor took him into the amusement park. They went into an oddities museum filled with the strangest things, up the pier, bumper cars, and the haunted house— Yuuri didn’t know a twenty-eight year old man could scream that high, or that anyone could laugh as hard as he did— and before he knew it, it was dinnertime and probably about time to head back to the group. However, Viktor wanted to do one more thing. The Ferris Wheel, of course.

They waited in line behind a young couple with a little boy of about two years old. The child was fascinated with Viktor, smiling brightly up at him and even tried to talk. “Hi. Hi. Hi!” He would repeat, until Viktor was forced to respond (that, and the parents’ impatient glances) “Hello.” He smiled weakly. _Look here, a child psychologist doesn’t want to be near children,_ Yuuri thought. He bent down a little, “Hi there!”

“Hi.” The kid repeated. It seemed that was all he really knew how to say. While Yuuri and the parents laughed, Viktor stayed stiff, biting his lip. It wasn’t until they got in a cart that Yuuri confronted him. “What’s up with you? That kid was adorable!”

Viktor remained silent, turning his gaze to the ocean as they were lifted off the ground. This should be sentimental, shouldn’t it? Their last date together back in 2011 had been spent going round and round the wheel at the county fair. Didn’t Viktor notice? Did he even care about the past at all?

“Viktor, you’re worrying me.” He persisted.

“Look, he just reminded me of my kid, alright?” the words were forced. He hated when Viktor shut himself down like this; especially after they’d been having such a good day together.

You know what? The Ferris wheel could wait. After it reached the bottom, Yuuri asked the assistant to let them off. He took Viktor’s hand and dragged him to a bench near the bathrooms. “Talk. Now.”

“You know how I feel about it, Yuuri. I’ve already told you.” Viktor couldn’t make eye contact. He was upset, sure, but he’d never been like this before.  
“It’s something more, isn’t it?” Yuuri placed his hand on Viktor’s. “You can trust me.”

Viktor sighed softly, pausing for a moment, “I found where he is, but the guardians refuse to let me see him.”

“Oh.”

_Oh._

“They say he’s fine, he’s living a normal life, but that’s not enough, Yuuri! I’m… I’m tired of being alone. It’s like, people only like me until they get to know me, then they run off and I’m left wondering why…” He scratched his head, eyes filling with tears, “Most people have really, really valid wishes; they want to be healthy, get a better job, find love, something, and it’s pathetic and selfish that all I’ve ever wanted is a family of my own.”

“That’s not selfish,” Yuuri assured him, “maybe not everyone understands that, because most have it already, but you didn’t, so of course it’s something you want. And you’ll get it someday, okay? I understand what it’s like being lonely, being forced to wait. But it’ll happen. You’re a nice person, Viktor, and a nice person in return will give you that family you’re looking for.”

Viktor didn’t look convinced, to say the least.

“Look at it this way,” Yuuri scooted closer, resting his head on his shoulder, “everything happens for a reason, right? If you hadn’t stopped by my house on Friday, I might not have been here today.” God, now was he going to cry? “If you hadn’t chosen to be an EMT or to go on that call to Pott Springs High School that day in March 2011, I would’ve died. We never would’ve met, I wouldn’t have insisted you go to university, and your son wouldn’t even exist. Now, because he _is_ here, you have a chance of meeting him someday. You’ve already got a family Viktor, we’re just— I… I mean, they’re just waiting for you to come along.”

Viktor heard what he’d accidentally said regarding family, how Yuuri included himself before taking it back, and it touched his heart. It was a dream of his to have Yuuri part of that family, but he wasn’t quite ready to say it yet. They still had a long way to go. “You once said you wanted to have kids of your own. That still true?”

“It is.” Yuuri admitted, “But I have to worry about treatment first, getting myself healthy before I’m ready for something big like that. Still, it would be nice…” he leant against the older man, smiling wistfully. _If it were with you, of course… I don’t suppose anybody else would understand me enough to be willing to start something like that. Wait, what am I thinking?_

“And what about us?” Viktor kissed his shoulder out of instinct. God, he had to tell him.

“I haven’t addressed my feelings for anyone in years, but something inside is telling me that I want you, Viktor. I’m just not ready to give you myself completely until it’s wrapped up in a neat package, prettier than its current appearance.” That took a lot of energy out of the younger man, but he didn’t regret saying that he wanted to make himself better for Viktor.

“I see,” the older formed a smile, “you do what makes _you_ happy.”  
“Oh, I’m not sure what happiness really is,” Yuuri assured him. “But all I know is, I don’t feel as bad when I’m with you, which is progression, and I want to keep feeling this way for as long as I can.”

“Hey, that isn’t half bad!” Viktor teased. They were gazing into each other’s eyes upon each lull in the conversation, replacing the awkward silence with urges to come closer…

“I um… I heard the others were staying overnight. Do you maybe want to find a hotel?” Viktor stammered, giving him a loose hug when he couldn’t stand to be apart from him any longer. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Yuuri said breathlessly, squeezing his eyes shut as he hugged back tightly. “And Viktor? Don’t let go just yet.”

He didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAA  
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
> 
> No, that wasn't a preview of the next chapter ;)  
> But there's still a lot to cover, and I meannnnnnn we ain't even halfway there yet. A LOT could happen if you catch my drift ;)  
> Also, this chapter was all the stuff I couldn't fit into the lAST one, but I hope you all aren't disappointed. Also also, Viktor better make like Daddy Warbucks and find that lil' sort-of-orphan child, his happiness is my happiness.  
> Thanks for the reads!
> 
> Next time: It's back to everyday life and time for Yuuri to begin the treatment process! It's not as easy as Viktor made it seem, and even harder when it finally comes down to hearing words from a professional that he'd always feared.


	7. Drift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Yuuri finishes his last day of school and plans to spend the weekend with his sort-of-boyfriend. His plans nearly change when his father arrives at school...  
> In the present, Yuuri finally goes to see a psychiatrist. He realizes there's a lot he needs to work on, and asks Viktor to see other people alongside him while he makes his slow recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's most frequently texted word in 2011: Viktor  
> Viktor's: Love  
> Most shared song between the pair: Something Stupid- Frank Sinatra
> 
> Real Life Location of the Chapter- Cacapon State Park- Berkeley Springs, West Virginia

"Are your folks coming this weekend? My grandma's coming all the way from Oklahoma." Yuuri listened to the anticipated chatter of the seniors, just moments away from being released from school for the final time.  

Yuuri, of course, wasn't part of the conversation, but his stomach filled with butterflies as he thought about his own plans. The graduation was Sunday at 1. He'd be leaving directly after school and going upstate with Viktor and some of his friends— camping at some state park, he was told, but there was a cabin too.

He'd told his parents he was going to be staying at Takeshi Nishigori's house.

"What about you, Katsuki? Any plans?" 

Wait, he's actually being acknowledged??? Nobody had said a word to him since his little suicide attempt in the bathroom last March in fear of setting him off, and being talked to felt strange after all this time. 

"Ah, I don't know. A couple friends and I might go upstate till Sunday." 

"Cool. You'll be at graduation, right?" 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Yuuri stuffed his notebook into his bag. 

"Well, we just assumed since you missed so much work—"

Don't go there. 

"I caught up." He said harshly. "The work was sent to where I was staying, and I did it all. I'm not being held back." 

"Oh. Okay."

 _This weekend is going to be mine_ , he thought defensively. _I'm... I'm going to do everything that I've never done. I'll get a tattoo, shave my head, get a piercing, maybe even have unprotected sex just to piss my parents off, get drunk, everything! I'm not saying no this weekend._

_And on Sunday after graduation, I'm going to ask Viktor to be my boyfriend... so we can be official._

That's what he was so nervous about... honestly, despite Viktor basically already being his boyfriend. They did nearly everything a normal couple did, anyway.

And Viktor just seemed so damn sexually mature; he had to wonder how many partners he'd ever had. 

Yuuri always wanted his first time to be pleasant, romantic... beautiful. He was afraid, but at the same time, he trusted Viktor and knew he wouldn't try anything Yuuri wasn't ready for. Besides, it wasn't like Yuuri hadn't been spending weeks figuring out what made Viktor tick.

He planned for the entirety of the relationship to "do it" after graduation, but it ended up happening a week back in Viktor's car of all places. He couldn't stop thinking about it, a blush rising to his cheeks when he recalled the details, repeating how Viktor said his name over and over..... 

Ah....

Still, it was something unexpected, and even though it wasn't the way Yuuri always imagined it (rose petals and candles were not lit, tragically), he still enjoyed it and knew he'd never forget. It did hurt, he noted, a lot... almost overwhelmingly, but he was distracted by other things long enough to ignore the pain. When Viktor said goodbye that night, he asked Yuuri to call him once he was settled in the bed. They talked about what happened, and Yuuri found the courage to ask why Viktor conveniently had condoms in his car in the first place. Viktor admitted he'd kept them handy should Yuuri ever want to use them. He should've been offended, but he wasn't, and asked if they could try again the following evening. Viktor said yes, but someplace more secluded. 

The bell rang, once again surging excitement through his body. He slung his bag over his shoulder, making sure he was the first to get out of the room. 

Other seniors were crashing through the hallways, celebrating their accomplishments, but Yuuri's mind was elsewhere. He mentally went through the checklist of all he needed to bring and what he packed— there was no way he forgot anything. God, he could barely breathe, he was so nervous– so excited...

"Yuuri." He froze upon hearing his name called from the office area. It was his father. 

He swore under his breath, turning around. "What are you doing here, Dad?"

"I'm here to make sure you get home." He folded his arms across his chest. "A little bird told me you were planning on leaving for the weekend." 

"W-What?" Yuuri's face flushed, not from embarrassment either. It was anger. "What I do is none of your business!"

"I told you that you weren't allowed to see that boy anymore." He switched to their native language, taking Yuuri by the arm and pulling him outside in front of everyone. "And what do you go do? What did you go and do, Yuuri?" 

"Let go of me!" Yuuri struggled to free himself from his grip. "You don't know what I did."

"But the neighbors do. You're not good at hiding something so obvious." They were just feet away from the parked rental car— the one he'd gotten after Yuuri wrecked theirs...

He worried that a neighbor had seen what he and Viktor had done in his car last week, because if so.... 

"Nobody saw me, because I didn't do anything! Now get off of me!" People were staring, he knew that, but he was so angry he didn't care. 

"You're a liar!" Yuuri's father gripped his shoulders tightly, so tight he thought his bones would snap. "Your principal told me herself– you don't take the bus anymore, Yuuri. You always wander over to that goddamn station every day, going against our wishes." 

Yuuri clenched his fists at his side, looking away defiantly. Viktor was here, at the far end of the parking lot. Waiting. But he didn't know. "You know what? Fuck you."

His father grasped him by the back of his collar, tossing open the passenger door. Yuuri didn't put up much of a fight, that is, until he realized what was about to happen. If he left the school, he'd never see Viktor again. He'd... "How selfish you are, Yuuri... you honestly think you can disrespect your family and still get your way? You're foolish."

Yuuri buried his face in his hands, struggling to keep hot tears at bay. "I hate you..." he said, voice barely above a whisper. 

"What?" 

He couldn't hold his tears back now, but he ignored them. "I said I hate you. I hate you!"

"Stop. You're not thinking clearly, Yuuri." He knew his father was pained at his words, but he didn't care. "Stop crying and think rationally." He didn't stop. 

"I'm going with Viktor... and I'm taking my money with me.." he stared ahead. "I'm not coming back and you can't fucking stop me!"

"You somehow still think you're getting money. I don't know what's gotten into you... you kill yourself to get a boy's attention and then drop everything you've worked your entire life for. I don't get it!"

Yuuri glowered. "What the fuck did you just say to me?" He didn't give him time to answer. "What the fuck was that?! I've been begging for help for five years now and you haven't looked up at me once!! I told you and Mom I was suicidal and you didn't care!"

"That's not true, Yuuri," his father tried to say.

"When I came out in February... you never looked at me again. Don't act like you didn't see how I was struggling!!" 

"It's a phase, Yuuri. It'll pass."

_You have got to be kidding me._

"You've always been like this, ever since you were a child. Starting phases to try and catch our attention. Being gay is going to get you killed. It isn't even a real thing, anyway, and that boy is going to break your heart and dump you, you'll see." When Yuuri refused to respond, he dropped the final bombshell. "You'll get your money alright, but you'll also have the debt of your hospital bills. Eighty nine thousand dollars has been put on your name now, so if I were you, I'd start paying that off. You won't ever be able to get a loan for a house with that boy or with that kind of debt." 

This was the final thing. It set Yuuri off from a broken and frustrated heart; unable to control what he accidentally said. 

To this day, Yuuri still feels the sting.  
To this day, he remembers the expression his father wore after he struck him. He didn't apologize, but he looked guilty, like he'd just killed his own child.

"I hate you." Yuuri repeated, eyes blank as he touched his cheek.   
"Yuuri..."

In an instant, he took his bag and fled the car, running across the parking lot towards Viktor's car. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't believe this was happening... it'd been building up for all this time, but still, now? Just days before he graduated.

He hated his father, but he regretted what he said, for that's the last thing Toshiya Katsuki would ever hear from his son. 

"Yuuri! What happened?" Viktor previously was wearing a smile, but it dropped when he saw how Yuuri was bawling by the time he reached his convertible. He tossed away the cigarette he'd been puffing on while impatiently waiting for his sort of significant other for all this time. 

"Just drive." He slammed the door shut, wiping his face with his sweatshirt's sleeve. "I'll tell you on the way."

~~~

That night, Yuuri was alone in one of the two bedrooms in the cabin. He'd been pacing back and forth for most of the evening, waiting for his parents to call him and offer to come get him, but a shocking realization came upon him; that now that he was an adult, graduated and everything, they wouldn't. He wasn't their problem anymore. 

They were going to let him go and he was on his own. 

He sighed, undressing in front of the standing mirror, right down to his boxers. After a moment of consideration, he slipped those off too, letting them drop to his feet.

Viktor promised he'd arrange for him to stay someplace until he got to university on August 24th. Still, it was weeks away, and he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to keep him for that long. He'd hoped he would have some time to plan it out with Viktor, like if they'd be living together, but..

Speaking of Viktor, he was still outside with his friends. They were drinking around the fire, telling stories about calls they'd been on or stupid stuff they'd done in high school. Yuuri didn't want to join them, he felt safer inside. Besides, he was pretty sure Viktor already told everyone about Yuuri's argument with his father. 

He wrapped a robe around himself and stood in front of the window, staring up at the eerily dark mountains towering over him. Fireflies flickered among the trees and crickets chirped in the early summer wind... 

His phone buzzed ominously in the corner, startling him to oblivion, but when he peered at the caller ID, he found it was someone unknown. _God, this is the setup for a horror film,_ he shivered _._

The number called again. This time, Yuuri answered. "...H-Hello..?"   
All he got was static as a response.

Oh hell no. 

He decided that the only way he could stop himself from being scared was to text Viktor and ask him to come inside, without Viktor knowing he was afraid. What if he made it...

**Yuuri: You'd better come inside soon because it's cold and I need you in bed with me.**

send. 

Yuuri went back to pacing, feeling uneasy as he pulled the blanket back, sitting on the side of the bed. He looked at the dresser where his phone rested, knowing he'd jump in alarm should someone reply, but he really hoped that someone would only be Viktor. 

Finally, he heard the screen door of the living room bang shut, knowing his troubles were about to be over. He laid on his side, propping his head up with a hand, using his free one to pretend to be busy on his phone, when in reality he was just typing: xxxxxxxxxxxxxyyyyyyyyzzzzzzzxx

He'd obviously never seduced a man before and really had no idea what he was doing, but he tried his best. 

Adjusting the robe quickly, he was greeted by Viktor's usual cheerful face at the bedroom door, cheeks a bit aglow from the night air and the slight drinking he'd been doing. "About time you showed up.. I was getting tired." Yuuri made sure his robe accidentally slid open, revealing his chest and abdomen. 

"Okay, but if you're tired, you can always go to bed. I still would've came in eventually." Viktor rubbed his eyes. 

"Yeah, but..." he sat up, robe sliding down his shoulders. "But I want you now, not eventually..."

"I'm sorry... what..?"

"Can't you see, Viktor?" He bit his lip, starting to feel just a little sheepish. "I need you to– you know..."

"I don't understand what you're asking of me." He was still standing by the door, as if he were oblivious to what Yuuri was trying to do, and it was pissing him off.

"Isn't this why you brought me up here in the first place? So we could... what did you say earlier? Have sex without an audience?"

Referring of course, to their first time being disrupted by a couple of deer roaming around Viktor's car, curious eyes watching them.

Viktor couldn't have looked more confused. "What the hell are you talking about? I didn't bring you here for that....why would I–you're just my friend, and as a friend, I invited you to come with my other friends—"

"So fucking me in the back of your car for three nights in a row is what you do with your friends?" Yuuri snapped. He'd never felt more embarrassed.... 

Viktor had to be wasted. There's no way he was so... stupid!!!

"Look, it didn't mean anything..."  
"It meant everything." He shot back, quickly finding his clothes and dressing. "And you know it did! How could you play with my emotions like that??"  
"I don't know what—"

"I told you I loved you, Viktor! Do you know how hard it was to say it? And now you're treating it like it was some kind of joke!"  
"Look, Jess, calm down. You're acting weird." Jess?

Yuuri blinked. "Who's Jess? I'm Yuuri! You know, the guy whose heart you've been playing with recently? Yuuri Katsuki?"  
Viktor stared at him blankly, bleary-eyed. "I'm drunk. I'm sorry... I'm really drunk right now." As if one stupid apology is going to make it better...

"I'm going to bed.." Yuuri sniffed, "get out of here, go sleep someplace else!"

"Don't be so mean," Viktor edged towards the bed. "I'm tired too. I'm confused."

Yuuri hid himself under the quilt, squeezing his eyes shut when Viktor stumbled out of the room. That could not have gone worse. He did everything right, too!

_If I don't have Viktor, I have nothing._   
_I can't let him leave me..._

In the morning, Viktor woke up naked, confused, and on the shore of a lake, laying beside one of his friends with initially no memory of where he was or how he got there. Rubbing the sleep from eyes and seeing that he already had four missed call from a Yuuri Katsuki, panic set in. It was twelve thirty pm, about to rain, and he had no idea where the hell he put his pants. 

Snatching the towel from his sleeping friend's chest, he decided to kick his shoulder. "That is the last time I let you talk me into skinny dipping, Giacometti." He knew he was in trouble. He knew Yuuri very well could've already left, and still would if he didn't have a good enough explanation...

_I fell asleep and some of the guys tried to prank me..._

_I drank a little too much, I'm sorry._

_You went to bed early, so I assumed you wanted to be left alone._

Try as he may, he just couldn't seem to remember anything about the night before. Was Yuuri mad at him beforehand? Why wasn't he outside with the others? And if he was, why did he let Viktor wander off like that?  
Viktor found his clothes by the campfire and quickly dressed before entering the cabin. His friends were sleeping in various locations, but there was no sign of Yuuri. Even his stuff was gone.

Fuck. 

Viktor took his phone and dialed Yuuri's number, pacing around the small room. _I fucked up I fucked up i fucked up I_

He was relieved upon getting an answer almost immediately. "Yeah?"  
"Hey, where are you?" _Thank god I didn't lose him..._

"Ahaha, you know those fishing ramps people back their trucks down so they can put their boats in the river?" Yuuri asked quietly. He could hear nothing in the background like one would if they were sitting by a river.   
"Uh... yeah..?"  
"I was walking this morning towards the main road, and um... funny story, true story..."

"What did you do, Yuuri?" _And how far should I run_?

 

"There was an unstable part of the pavement... nngh.." Yuuri paused, wincing in pain.   
"Yuuri, what happened?? Are you alright?!"

Stifling a laugh, Yuuri crept out of the bathroom attached to the room, still soaking wet from a quick shower and now directly behind Viktor as he waited for a more desperate reply before revealing himself.  
"Yuuri, baby, answer me, I'll come as fast as I can!"

Yuuri had enough, clicked his phone shut, jumped onto the other boy's back and successfully giving Viktor a heart attack. He kissed his cheek softly. "I'd rather you not come that quickly, Viktor, I'm right here."

Viktor sighed in relief, pulling Yuuri around to his front. He accidentally touched his ass, and that was kind of awkward, but.... "You scared me," he pressed his lips against the younger boy's. "don't do that."

"I'm not sorry," Yuuri smiled against his lips, "you called me Jess last night. You deserved it."

Viktor blushed, having no recollection of it but knew Yuuri wouldn't lie. "Jess is one of the guys out in the living room." He lifted him towards the bed. "You mad at me?"

"Until you called me baby.." The sheets felt cool against Yuuri's bare back, giving him a break from the hot blush he'd been wearing for what seemed like ages. "Graduation is tomorrow, and I wanted to do a certain amount of things this weekend that can't happen without you."

"Like what?" Yuuri watched him unzip his jeans and tried to keep as neutral an expression as possible. He was failing. So obviously failing...  
"Well... I want to get a tattoo, for starters," he started. "But I think there's other things we can get off the list first. Just make sure it's done right."

After some negotiation, Viktor left his shiny new pack of condoms aside, and after more, even the lubricant was left untouched. He thought Yuuri was crazy for trying this, knowing damn well how much it would hurt, but _hey, the guy's got a bucket list._

Yuuri flinched, to say the least, when Viktor went down on him. It didn't take thirty seconds for him to change his request. "O-okay... unprotected, but please, lube yourself up. God, why do adults enjoy this?" He lamented. Viktor found it funny, and Yuuri did not. 

* * *

 

May, 2017

 

Yuuri traced circles on his desk as he waited for the bell to ring, dismissing the bus riders and walkers. His students were chattering among themselves, eager to get out of the classroom for the day. It'd been raining all day, which meant indoor recess and two dozen antsy children.

Yuuri had to go to the psychiatrist Viktor had chosen for him's office, a middle aged woman named Dr. Minako who seemed to see right through her patients. From there, she would tell Yuuri what path he needed to take. But... he was still disappointed he couldn't go last Friday due to a scheduling conflict, so he had to wait even longer. That mood would lift. 

Viktor had mentioned it was going to be a lengthy process, and he'd need a whole team; maybe several different therapists, he would need a regular physician and the psychiatrist, and god... how could he ever afford that? No, he decided, money doesn't matter right now. V _iktor said he would see through my recovery, and if I can't pay it, he'll help me._

_Ding....._

"Alright everyone, have a wonderful day," Yuuri chimed once the bell finally rang. "I'll see you all bright and early tomorrow morning. And I better count 24 iPads over here!!" 

Only a few students, the kids privileged enough to be car riders, remained seated. 

"Mr. Katsooky?"  
Yuuri couldn't help but smile at the name he was still being called. "Yes, Ms. Laine?"

"On our field trip, you said you were going to ask somebody out on a date. Did you ever do it?" She asked, causing another four sets of eyes to snap up to attention.  
He felt his face flush ever so slightly, but kept it casual. "Of course. We had dinner over spring break, and it was nice."

"Well, what happens now??" Another child jumped into the conversation. "When will you go out with them again?" He remembered the mothers on the field trip, how they requested he kept his love life out of their children's earshot. 

"Nothing happens, Kayden. We're just friends right now." That was a safe enough answer, he supposed. 

"That doesn't sound romantic at all." Kayden complained. "My older brother says there's way more drama in his class, that his teacher is very romantic."

"And what class is your brother in?" Yuuri went to the board, erasing today's date and his name. He couldn't believe they were still using a chalkboard.

"Mr. Giacometti's. Do you know him?"

"I do. He's a nice guy.." _who promised to be kind to me now that I've caught him with the vice principal_ , he mentally added.

"Well, who's your favorite person at school though?" Karen Laine pressed. 

"Hmm... I don't know. What about you?"

"I like Mr. Viktor. He's nice."

Yuuri smiled at that statement. "I'll tell him you said that, I bet it'll make him smile."

"Okay, so..." another child added, "when we drew our pictures to go with our spring break project, you drew you and a few other guys. Was any of them the guy you went out with?" Yikes. If any of the kids suspected Viktor, he could be in serious trouble. 

"No, that was just me and my friends. We went to the beach over the weekend. It was a lot of fun." Yuuri leant against the board. It was more than fun. He and Viktor ended up staying in Ocean City for a few more days, and Yuuri spent most of the time in the water. His skin burned a little from the sun, but it wasn't as bad as the fair skinned Nikiforov, who wasn't nearly as severe as poor Georgi Popovich. After the third day, he seldom left the house. They believed he had sunstroke. 

Viktor and Yuuri took care of him and insisted he wear a hat should he ever go in the sun again. 

The voice over the loud speaker announced the discharge of car riders, successfully making Yuuri call it a day and relieve him of having to explain his lovelife. Soon enough, he was alone, gathering the last of his things for the afternoon. Almost time to go...

Today's the day. Everything changes today.

~~~  
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Viktor clasped both of Yuuri's hands once they were in the car in front of the psychiatrist's office. Yuuri glanced at the sign with Minako's name on it, her credentials, and so on. 

"M-Maybe you could stay in the waiting room with me?" He didn't want to admit it, but he was nervous. He'd already mentally rehearsed how everything would go, but it didn't help.

"Certainly," he stroked his cheek. "You'll be fine."

"I know."

"And if you need me at any time, I'll be right there for you." Viktor added, leaning in to lay a kiss on his forehead. 

"Thank you, Viktor," he smiled, "for everything."

* * *

 

Yuuri Katsuki. 24 years old. That's all Minako Okukawa knew when she entered the office to find a scrawny young man waiting there. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, was hardly more than skin and bones, and his hands were steadily trembling. He jumped slightly when she opened the door. 

"Yuuri?"

"Hi... um, yes, I'm Yuuri," she could see him kick himself internally as he squeezed his hands together. He had trouble making eye contact. He's shy. 

Reviewing the information on the board from one of her nurses, it was confirmed that Yuuri was a bit underweight for his height, weighing a mere 128 pounds 

"My name's Doctor Minako, and I'm here to help you. Consider me a friend, okay? This doesn't have to be stiff, and you have no reason to be nervous." Something about her made Yuuri want to relax, yet at the same time, he felt like he should keep a wall between them so she wouldn't get overly concerned. He was fine. 

Still, he relaxed his stiffened shoulders as he leaned back on the couch. "What's going to happen to me?"

"To you? Nothing today. To me? I try to figure out how to help." She sat across from him on a spinning chair, glancing down at the clipboard. Being the only psychiatrist in a thirty mile radius, she probably dealt with this everyday. She'd just prescribe Yuuri a medication, probably, and he'd never have to see her again. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm an elementary school teacher," he responded meekly. 

"And do you like it there?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I guess." Let's just get this over with. 

She could predict the conversation would go nowhere and decided to change the subject. "Who brought you here today?"

"V-Viktor..." assuming she actually remembered Viktor.

"How about we have him in here with us? Sometimes a familiar face makes one more comfortable. Sound like a plan?"

He nodded, and with that, Viktor was called in. He sat down beside Yuuri casually, showing no signs of sympathy or concern. 

"Let's try that again. Do you like working at the elementary school?" She repeated. 

"I feel like an outcast there, but it's nobody's fault but mine." Yuuri frowned. "The pay sucks, everyone hates me, and I'm probably going to get fired. Is that enough?" That came out too aggressive. Calm down.... he instinctively leaned into Viktor's side to do so. 

"For now...." Minako looks less than pleased, keeping an analytical gaze on the two. "Are you married?" Is her next question. 

"Huh? No." _Maybe I should have done that._

"Alright, are you in a relationship then? What I'm really getting around to is, do you live alone?"

"Yeah, I'm in an open relationship right now, and I live alone." Good, an actual, non negative response this time. He didn't like living alone, either, but who cared.... he spent most evenings with Viktor anyway now, and they saw each other frequently during the day. It was almost like living with him.

"And do you have trouble sleeping? Would you say you get a normal amount of sleep at night?" Ah, now he remembered. These were typical questions he was asked at age eighteen in the hospital, only back then, he really didn't have the energy to answer from being too high on pain medications. 

Yuuri's brow furrowed. "Well, when I'm at home I might manage four hours, but..." he looked at Viktor, as if he were talking to him, "I sleep better at his house, however, that could just be because his beds are more comfortable."

"Viktor? What do you think?"

"I've never seen him have any issues when he spends the night. He does, however, seem to have a lot of unpleasant dreams." Viktor thought back to the continuing nights when he'd find Yuuri tossing and turning, whining something incomprehensible. Most of the time he wouldn't wake him unless he was being too noisy, or kicking him, but when Yuuri woke, he acted as if nothing was wrong. 

"Hmm. Okay Yuuri, back to the boring questions. What really brings you here today? Viktor says you asked for help, and that's a really good start." She smiled warmly. When Yuuri didn't answer, she tried again, "Take your time, but I really do need to know."

Great, he thought, clenching his fist, "I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was eighteen. I never got treated for it, and everything only got worse as I got older, and well... there's been a lot of trauma that I feel like doesn't fit in with the other diagnoses."

"Anything else?"

God, he had to, didn't he? "Also, at eighteen, I attempted suicide, and since then have made several attempts on my life even up until recently." He blew out a breath. She probably thought he was insane.

"Do these suicidal thoughts happen every day?"

"They influx when I'm alone." He wanted to stop talking about it, but that's why he was here, right? He had to fight through it. 

"And how did you typically deal with it before? Is it the same method now?" She was writing down a lot of stuff furiously, like she'd uncovered a new secret. 

"I would break or burn things." He confessed. "Plates, cups, pictures, furniture, anything I could get my hands on. I also would burn stuff in the furnace."

"And now?"

"Well, recently if I'm feeling bad, I might still do those things but I try to call my um... Viktor."

"Mmhm.. and does that calm you down?" Minako met eyes with Viktor, who simply shook his head. 

"Sometimes... other times I try to hurt myself still.... now he comes over and talks me out of it. He's rather good at that, you know," he rested his face in his hands. "I sound like I should be locked up, right?"

"He always has been quite the charmer... and it's not my place to say that."

 _He's not charming me when he comes over_ , Yuuri thought to himself, _he pisses me off till the point where I see my flaws of thinking, then we sit down and talk like normal humans. Well, these days there's way more silence, and that doesn't really resolve anything._

The session went on for close to an hour of embarrassing questions and answers before Minako announced her verdict. By the end, Yuuri felt exhausted, self-critical, and like crying. He wanted to hide himself away in Viktor's lap and disappear before he could hear the words she was about to say. 

"Well Yuuri, I can see there's a lot of concerning stuff going on here. We're going to start you on an antidepressant and a different supplement just to see how that works so we can try to pinpoint the issue. You're going to be seeing me from time to time so I can track your progression with the medication. We're a team now, Yuuri, so if something isn't working out, you should tell me. We'll switch medications and methods to adjust with your personal needs." She finished writing on the clipboard, then set it aside. "I'd like to warn you that your antidepressants will give you a sudden burst of energy, which can sometimes help already suicidal people commit the deed, so Viktor," she turned to the other man, "please be watchful of him over the next few days. I recommend staying with him overnight, if that's an option for you. If not, Yuuri, you should stay with a friend or family member."

"Understood."

"Secondly, I've put the number of a therapist I highly recommend for you on here. It's out of town a ways, but I think it'll be beneficial and he can help you deal with the trauma aspect. Your assignment will be to try him out, and if he doesn't work well for you, find one you're comfortable with and report back to me. And finally, here's the info for a trained counselor that's supposed to kind of be like a life coach for you. She'd be meeting you weekly, anywhere you want, and you can just talk, or not talk at all. It's up to you." 

Yuuri closed his eyes. "That's three people, and you want me to get blood testing?" _How can I afford this???_

"Three people just to start you off, and yes. Your team may grow or shrink, but all the resources are going to be there for you whenever you need it, including me." 

"And me too!" Viktor added. "I didn't get that degree for nothing."

Minako laughs, something high, light, and warm... "You too, Viktor." 

~~~

"Where are we going tonight, Yuuri? My house or yours?" The pair had already picked up the trial prescription from the local pharmacy and were currently waiting in line at a drive through. It was expensive. Yuuri barely had enough money on him to pay for the medication...

"Yours, please." He clutched the bag resting on his lap, gazing at the menu. "Hmm... I just want an Icee, please. I'm not very hungry."

"Yeah, me neither." Viktor ended up ordering a small soda for himself, that being it. "I have Makkachin again tonight, she's been looking forward to seeing her favorite Yuuri."

"I want to take her on a walk tomorrow morning. Is that okay?" Yuuri loved dogs, period. They were probably the only creatures in the world that could always undoubtedly make him smile.

"Of course! She really likes walking the canal trail down the hill, but she still tries to chase squirrels, so be careful."

"Okay." He said plainly. 

* * *

 

Viktor had made note as of recent to leave work AT work and let his free time, if with Yuuri, focus on him.

Yuuri was a little tired, but he still wanted to finish his Icee and take a nice shower before bed. He'd gotten an idea to start leaving spare day and night clothes at Viktor's house in case he needed to change, and he found it to be a really good idea, especially tonight.

"So Yuuri, about this weekend," Viktor stepped into the master bathroom where Yuuri was washing off. "I've got to go to my parents' house for my dad's birthday."

Yuuri looked up, squinting so that minimal soap would get in his eyes. "So you're not taking me to my appointment Saturday then." And he'd probably pass out when he got his blood drawn, too. He wasn't looking forward to it. 

"Doesn't look like I can... I'm really sorry. I'll leave you with a set of car keys though, if you want." Viktor offered, peeling off his clothes so he could join him. 

"That's okay. I'll reschedule if need be. You have fun though." Yuuri smiled softly, opening his arms for a quick hug. "Thanks for taking me today, by the way, you really put me at ease."

"That's what I'm here for." He paused, listening to his cell phone ring in the other room. "Ah, I wonder who..."

"Viktor, are you going to date anybody else?" Yuuri asked suddenly. 

"Why do you ask?" It was something they'd kind of talked about with no particular detail, just with Yuuri saying he was okay with Viktor seeing other people if he wanted more than he could give. Viktor didn't refute the idea, either. 

"You've been spending a lot of time with that counselor woman this week. I'm just curious if maybe you'll be seeing her this weekend and don't know how to tell me?" Did it bother Yuuri? It didn't make him angry, just a little unreasonably jealous.

"We're just friends, but she is really nice. You've met her, haven't you?" He poured shampoo into his hair distractedly, scrubbing while he waited for a response. 

"Yeah. She's great." _She's more than great_ , Yuuri thinks. _She has a four year old daughter in Phichit's class. She's a single mother and she's beautiful, talented, and completely mentally and physically healthy. She barely keeps her hands off Viktor, since they have to work together most of the time_ , and he can already see what's to come. 

Viktor will forget him and date this girl, Lucille Peters, exclusively, politely telling Yuuri things just weren't 'working out'. In a year or two, they'll get engaged and married, and then, not long after that, she'll bear Viktor another son, maybe even three or four kids. They'd be happy, after all, they looked perfect together. 

"You don't sound very enthusiastic about the idea." Viktor looked at him quizzically.

"No, it's fine. I think you should ask her out; she totally likes you," Yuuri forced a smile. He kept up this fake supportive demeanor all the way back to the bedroom just so Viktor wouldn't suspect anything. 

While he dressed, Viktor checked his phone, a small blush creeping onto his face. And Yuuri couldn't stand it. 

 **Chrissy G: so you know how I've been lowkey seeing the vice principal? Well he told me today that he thinks you and Yuuri K. look cute together.**  

**Viktor: Really??? <3 **

A few moments later, Viktor stepped onto the balcony to answer another incoming call, Yuuri's jealousy overtook him and he left the room, deciding he'd take his sulking self downstairs. 

This was his own fault, right? He encouraged Viktor to do this, but a selfish side of him didn't expect it to happen so soon. 

He knew Viktor deserved better, though, someone who could keep him satisfied in all areas which was something he couldn't give him yet. By the time he could, it'd be too late. 

Damn it....

Yuuri knew he couldn't walk home in the rain, not again. He laid himself across the couch, arms folded, and went right to sulk-mode.

 _Viktor should be mine_ , he thought. _And I want everyone to know it too._

"Sure thing, Mom, I'll bring the grill, I mean, it'll be a hassle to get into my truck, but... anything for Dad." Viktor put his hand on the balcony door handle, noticing Yuuri was no longer there. "Yeah, I know. I'll... call you tomorrow, I'm kind of needed somewhere." 

Hanging up, he entered the empty room. "Yuuri?" Where on earth did he wander off to? Thunder rumbled overhead just after lightning struck in the near distance. _Please don't be out there... "_ Yuuri!" He called, going down the steps. "Yuu–ri...?"

Yuuri was watching the news on the TV, laid on his side across the couch. He was awake, but he wouldn't answer.

"I'm sorry, that was my mom. If I don't answer, she calls until I do."

 _Oh, I'm sure it was your mother_ , Yuuri thought, eyes narrow, _why else would you have to go someplace private?_

"What are you watching?" Viktor dared to sit on the edge of the couch, forearms resting on his knees as he leaned forward. "You... seem to watch the news a lot."

"A college friend does the weather," Yuuri said quietly. "And I like to know what's going on."

"I watch the morning news, but... I think whatever they play at night is boring." He smiled faintly. "Remember when–"

"I'm going to sleep, Viktor." Yuuri half-snapped, his tone sharper than a blade. Startled, Viktor scooted a little further over. "Why don't you come upstairs?"  
"Why don't you invite Lucille over?" _Damn it, why did I have to say that? Now he'll think I'm..._

"I knew it." Viktor clasped his hands together. "I knew you would have a problem with me talking to other people. That's what you asked for though, so honestly, I'm confused. Are you jealous?"  
"No! I'm just making a suggestion!" Yuuri cried defensively. "I told you, I think you should go for it. She'd make you happy."

"If that was how you really felt, you wouldn't be sulking on the couch right now." Viktor yanked the throw blanket off of him, ignoring Yuuri's protests. "If you didn't care, you wouldn't still be here." He threw him over his shoulder and began making his way towards the stairs. "How can you think so little of me and assume I'm just going to abandon you? Maybe I want to date you exclusively!"

"P-Put me down..." Yuuri whimpered, barely putting up a fight. His face was bright red, he knew he was acting foolish, but he didn't want to make things worse by talking about his feelings. Viktor simply needed to date others, or he'd never be able to pull away from Yuuri when need be.

"Not until you tell me what's bothering you."

Makkachin followed them up the stairs, wagging her tail lightly as she watched in amusement. Yuuri silently begged her for help, but she was of no use. 

Viktor plopped Yuuri onto the bed, then pressed his hands on Yuuri's shoulders. "Talk."

"Agh...Date the damn girl! I don't want to hold you back anymore." He swatted Viktor away, "You're older than me, you're dating to find someone to marry, and I know I'm not the one. So. Date. Her." Yuuri exclaimed with a shaky voice. He couldn't make any eye contact, causing Viktor to become even more suspicious. 

Viktor scowled as he stared down at him. "You're fucking doing it again."

"Doing what?!" Yuuri threw his hands up in frustration. 

"Pushing me away!! You asked me not to stay away before, and now here you are, assuming I'm looking to marry someone and drop you! What do you want from me?!" 

" _I don't know_!!" Yuuri exploded, startled with the noise level he'd just reached. "I- I don't know what I want..."

"And yet you know that if I gave you the same shitty treatment as you're giving me, if I pushed you away, you'd be screaming about how unfair it is. We can't be one-sided!" Viktor shot back, just as loud as Yuuri been. If being loud scared his own self, hearing Viktor reach the same tone terrified him. "So... so tell me what you want to do, Yuuri, I'm tired of this game, we're either friends or dating, make up your godda—" Viktor froze.

Yuuri had his ears covered, curled up into a ball. Eyes squeezed shut, he'd been flinching with every sentence Viktor uttered. He knew he had to drop the conversation, he knew that Yuuri was scared and unsure, that if he just.... sigh... gave him time to sort things out, everything would work out in the end.

He swallowed his pride. It was, after all, for the greater good. Yuuri truly didn't know what he wanted; it wasn't his fault. "I'm sorry, love… I shouldn't have argued with you. You want to be left alone, right?"

Yuuri uncovered his ears, gaping up at him, "I don't know... I just..." he sighed softly, "I don't want you asking me for approval on who you want to date. I don't want to know who it is, when you see them, or what you do. It doesn't make me feel very good about myself... I'll just compare the two of us, and..."

"I understand." Viktor timidly laid in bed beside him, switching the light off. "And by the way, I'm not going to abandon you. You know that, right?"

The younger nodded, snuggling into Viktor's side. It was a long and tiring day, and their little quarrel was just a result of that. By morning, it would be forgotten, he was sure. Yuuri didn't have to ask to be held, because Viktor knew that's what he wanted. For a moment, all they did was look at each other as nerves calmed and heartbeats slowed. Then, he somehow summoned the courage to reach up, lean in, and kiss Viktor softly as a way of apologizing for his behavior. Viktor kissed back, surprised, perhaps, that Yuuri initiated it, but not at all hesitant to return it. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," Viktor whispered, kissing him again. 

"And I'm sorry too." He replied, pressing their foreheads together. "Take a chance with her, please. I'll be fine, and I'll wait for you."

"If that's what you want." Viktor cupped his cheeks. "But I want you to know that I love you and only you, and that's how it's always going to be."

"I love you too..." Yuuri smiled. Love, what did that mean? Sure, he felt a strong, physical and emotional bond to Viktor, but they fought a lot and Viktor didn't seem content with him most days. That's why he was surprised to hear that L word. 

But maybe it meant a friendly way, who knows? 

Yuuri's love couldn't really be understood right now. He couldn't describe it, he just knew it was there...

He fell asleep thinking about it.

* * *

 

Yuuri took his first dose of the new pills  before school. He carefully read about the common side effects so he'd know what to expect throughout the day, and tried not to get his hopes up too quickly. Dr. Minako said it could take a few weeks for it to fully take effect, so...

Still, possible placebo effect and the remnants of an early morning pleasant walk with Makkachin left Yuuri in somewhat of a good mood by the start of that never ending shift. 

Today was library day. He'd have to see Georgi, who was probably the nicest to him ever since the beach trip...

Okay, he wasn't really thinking about Georgi. His mind was focused and repeating......

_I love you, and only you..._

_I love you too._

And yet he'd seen that stupid girl already hovering over Viktor the second he came in this morning...

He wished Viktor was given more assignments at different schools...

Because the area was so small, he was assigned to all of the elementary schools, so technically he was to visit each one once a week, rotating around and all that...

but why did his school have to be holder of his main office? 

_I have to see his stupid, stupid cute face every single morning before he leaves, and we almost always run into each other and he lights up with this stupid, stupid smile that makes my face turn red...._ _Gah!!!_

He was in love, and it was a very bad thing. 

* * *

 

"Hey, Yuuri, you have a minute?" Georgi caught Yuuri's arm carefully while he was on his way to the lunchroom. 

He turned to face the librarian, whose eyes were filled with concern again. Great. 

"Sure, what's up?" 

Georgi glanced around to make sure no one was listening in, then led him back into the library. "I wasn't sure I should tell you, but Viktor asked the counselor out this morning for a date on Thursday night."

Yuuri's heart dropped to his stomach for the tenth time that week. He struggled to remain expressionless, but... it wasn't working... "A-and how does that concern me?" Failing.....

"I heard him mention he got you an appointment with some therapist, Josef something or other.. on that exact same day."

Yuuri pinched his lips together to hold back frustrated tears. "He knows I don't have a car right now. He promised he'd take me... and it's all the way out in Charles Town..."

Georgi had been putting a few books back when he heard the location, something striking his mind. "What time do you have to be there?"

"Six." Don't cry, don't cry...

"Well, coincidentally I'm supposed to meet my sister in Charles Town sometime this week to drop off some stuff she left... I could take you to your appointment if you'd like." He walked over to the younger man. "I know it's important that you be there. I don't want you to miss it."

"And why would you care?" Yuuri was offered a tissue, and he hastily took it, dabbing it at his eyes. 

Georgi looked away, also appearing as upset as Yuuri was. "I don't usually tell people this, but... my little sister killed herself three years ago."

The statement shocked Yuuri. Because it was so sudden, he didn't know what to say; if he should comfort or let him be, but he spat out the first thing that came to mind and offered condolences.

"No, no, it's okay Yuuri," he insisted, "you didn't know. I was never close with her... we're fifteen years apart and by the time she could remember me I'd already been in college. She went to boarding school, and we only saw her on the holidays, my older sister and me, but..." there was a brief pause, "my mom and dad just didn't have the energy to raise another kid, you know? They were already in their forties when she was born, both had steady careers. I'd even heard them once call her a mistake if you can believe that."

Yuuri understood. It reminded him all too much of his own childhood, how his parents never really seemed to be around and left Mari to do most of the raising. 

"Anyways, she was only fourteen when it happened. Just two days before winter break began... my older sister Katie and I were out shopping for Christmas gifts when we got the call..." This statement made Yuuri wonder what his own family was doing when they were told what Yuuri did six years ago. He knew Mari cared, she tearfully called him at one point in one of the hospitals, but... what would've happened if he'd died that day, if Viktor couldn't save him?

At the time, he knew Viktor was the kind of person to go to their home personally and apologize for being unable to save their son. Maybe his parents would've been devastated, but he couldn't imagine it because it didn't happen.

Georgi though, he knew it, and he hid it so well...

"Does it still hurt?" Yuuri asked, summoning the courage to meet the librarian's gaze. "Even if you weren't close?"

"I think of her every day," Georgi replied, "at the time she died, I worked at the high school. I had to resign, Yuuri... it hurt too bad..and I'd never seen my mom cry like that before…" It looked like both the teacher and the librarian were crying, but it wasn't a bad thing. Yuuri wasn't feeling sorry for himself for once, instead, he felt compassion... something he had trouble showing. Placebo effect or were the pills doing something? It was probably the first option. 

After a moment, Georgi continued on, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know what you were doing that night at Mickey's beach house, and it really scared me, partly because I would've been the first to find your body, and secondly because I don't want to lose another person when it's preventable, okay? So... so even if Viktor isn't going to be as supportive as he said he would, I'm going to be here for you, Yuuri. I promise."

* * *

 

By the time the following Thursday rolled around, Yuuri was feeling the full side effects of the medicine— mostly nausea and bad headaches. It came in waves, making it hard to teach, but he pressed through it as if nothing were wrong. 

He hadn't stayed with Viktor all week either, and there'd been limited contact between them other than Viktor reminding Yuuri he had an appointment Thursday, without offering to take him. But whatever, he knew.

Thanks to his new alignment with Chris and Georgi, previously known as Viktor's closest friends at school– Viktor started getting the cold shoulder. He felt it, but didn't understand why because he'd done absolutely nothing wrong.

But when he would talk with Chris, the latter would be short, Georgi was passive, and Yuuri? Like talking to a brick wall. 

He had no idea what was going on.

Thursday afternoon, when Yuuri was about to take his lunch, Viktor decided to cut him off in the hallway. "Hey, stranger!" He beamed. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

Yuuri kept a neutral face, pushing on past the older man. "I've been busy."

Viktor didn't like that. "How about we go to lunch together? There's this great new place downtown that just–"

"Actually, I already promised to meet Chris for lunch. He wants to try this Japanese dish I've been telling him about." Yuuri was just feet from the exit... almost there; stay strong....

"Oh. Okay... well, what about this evening then? We could–"

"I have plans, sorry..." Yuuri rested against the door. "Looks like you do too." He motioned to the blonde haired, blue eyed young lady hurrying down the hallway to find Viktor.

"Viiiiiktor! You totally ditched me back there!" Her voice was high pitched, maybe some people found it cute, but that Southern California accent drove Yuuri up the wall. 

"Sorry, I was just talking to my..." in the few seconds Viktor had turned to greet her, Yuuri somehow vanished. He sighed. "Nevermind..."

~~~

The trip with Georgi was pleasant, and the visit with the therapist was just as well. It was an older gentleman with a soft-spoken voice who never forced anything out of Yuuri, but something about his smile encouraged him to do so. He decided, for now, Mr. Josef would do. 

On the way home, Yuuri realized Georgi would have to drop him off at his house, which would be both embarrassing and pitiful once his new friend saw where he lived.

So Yuuri took a chance. Assuming Viktor was still out with that stupid girl, he asked Georgi to drop him off at a driveway close to Viktor's place, claiming the car wouldn't fit down it. 

Georgi didn't seem suspicious at all. "See you tomorrow, Yuuri!" He called cheerfully. 

Yuuri waved back, watching the car disappear back down the road, headlights glistening off the river beside him.

Exhaling deeply, Yuuri crossed the road and walked on the little patch of sand by the receded water. He took a nearby stick and dragged it across the gently flowing stream in front of him.

He closed his eyes, letting himself be enclosed in nature. Right now, he felt okay, without Viktor being there. He had a few friends now who would help him through the treatment process since forgetful Viktor would likely drop out of his commitment. He could do this on his own. 

_I love you, and only you..._

Viktor said that just days ago, but it couldn't be true. It was the heat of the moment, Yuuri decided, and that was okay. 

"What are your plans for the summer?" Chris had asked at lunch that day, and at the moment, Yuuri's thought was that he'd get a part time job and stay with Viktor, but now? He decided something different.

 _I'm going to go live at the sea for the summer_. He stood. _I'll make it all by myself, I'll save up now. Wait..._

Yuri Plisetsky said his grandfather was seeking to find a tutor for him for the summer.

They lived in a beach house all summer...

_I'll tutor Yuri Plisetsky, live with the family for the summer...._

_I can do this on my own._

Nodding to himself, he broke into a run back towards the dimming lights of town, a new inspiration in mind that came out of nowhere but already impacted him more than he could imagine. 

 _I'm alone again_ , he thought, but at the same time, _I've never felt so secure in my decision. I know what I'm doing... I know where I'm going... and I can take care of myself now._

_And Viktor? I still love you, I love you so much that it hurts, but I'm going to let you go for a while because that's what we both need. I want you to be happy but..._

_I shouldn't need to depend on you anymore._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back, back again...
> 
> Yeah, I wanted to get this one out of the way before finals week. I'll be updating again once those are over.  
> In the mean time, please enjoy this moodswing chapter and ponder why Yuuri decided to keep the relationship open.  
> Questions, suggestions, thoughts, comments all welcome!
> 
> Next time: Mickey and Emil throw a Memorial Day party, and things quickly turn awkward between two guests who don't really know if they're dating or not.


	8. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Yuuri graduates high school.  
> In the present, he unknowingly gives Viktor the cold shoulder and upsets him more than he could've imagined. He does his best to make it up to the man and starts thinking about the past, mentally acknowledging the name of his abuser for the first time in years. 
> 
> In both past and present, darkness looms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's song of the chapter: Remedy by Adele
> 
>  
> 
> ***this chapter has a bit of explicit content. If you aren't cool with it, stop reading when there's a page split after Yuuri's apartment scene. It's not really detailed like it may be in a later chapter, but still.***

 

> May, 2011

Friday night, boring and uneventful as always in the Katsuki household. The only thing that was out of the ordinary was that Yuuri wasn’t home- but wherever he might be was beyond Mari’s mind--- she figured he was either staying late at the station or making out in the woods somewhere. Okay, that wasn’t a very “Yuuri” thing to do, but she didn’t even know her brother these days. He’d transformed into somewhat of an overly moody, lovesick bitch over the spring.

“Mari, you guys have like nothing good to eat here,” Emmett complained from the kitchen. He’d been spending more and more time at their house recently, not that Mari minded, but it was still strange. Yet, he was a far better person than Mari’s ex boyfriends had ever been. “What do you want for dinner?”

“I was planning on waiting for Yuuri and letting him choose.” She replied, “Since today was his last day of school, I thought we should celebrate, but…”  
“He’s probably already out celebrating. After I graduated, me and my friends went to New York for the weekend and got ourselves drunk beyond belief. I don’t remember a thing.”

“Yeah, but Yuuri isn’t like this. He never smokes or drinks or breaks the rules… until recently at least.” She sighed softly. “I worry about him, you know?”

“Hey, he’s a big boy now, he can handle himself.” Emmett came to a decision. “I’m ordering pizza from Ben’s.”

Mari hummed as a response, staring out the window at the long driveway as if her looking hard enough could make Yuuri come home. “I guess another reason I’m nervous is because my dad went to go pick him up after school, and I don’t know if he went with him or not.”  
“Yikes,” he hung up his phone after placing their order, “and I know how your dad feels about Viktor, too.”  
“Yuuri claims it’s love.” Mari added. “He and Mom got in an argument about it just the other day when Yuuri wanted to skip one of our family-friends’ wedding so he could go somewhere with Viktor and a few others. He’s put him before everyone, and well, I don’t blame him after what he’s been through.”

“Viktor’s a player, that much is for sure. I used to work as a volunteer fireman in the town over back right after high school, remember? Me and him were in the same class together when I thought I could be an EMT. He always had people- girls and guys- drooling all over him, and rumor has it he’s easy, so… it just doesn’t make sense how someone as smart and sensible as your brother ended up with such a frat boy.”

“Maybe he likes the attention, considering how he never really got much growing up. Either way, I’m going to support him because I don’t want him trying to kill himself again.” Mari’s eyes widened as she noticed headlights at the end of the driveway- but it was just her mother being dropped off by her sister- and Yuuri most definitely was not with her. Great.

She waited patiently for her mother to come to the front door, but by then she already knew something was wrong. First, it was just a feeling, but when she saw the panic her mother was so desperately trying to hide, it took all Mari had to not already start crying. _Something happened to Yuuri. He’s dead. Yuuri’s dead. That bastard Viktor must’ve gotten him wasted and killed him. He-_

“Have you heard from your brother, Mari?” her mother asked calmly, but her hands were shaking.  
Mari felt ready to faint. “Not once, Mom. Should I call-?”“No, no, I’ve already tried, it’s not going through.” She sat down at the kitchen table, tracing a pattern on the tablecloth. “As you know, your father was going to go retrieve him from school this afternoon.” Mari took a seat beside her, prepared for the worst. “Apparently they got into a pretty bad argument outside the school. Yuuri went to find that boy, and your father- who was beyond crushed- took a drive to let off some steam.”

“And…? What happened, Mom?”

Hiroko pinched her lips together. “I know where Yuuri is, he’s safe, but… oh, Mari, it’s your father.” After giving herself a moment to show just the slightest bit of weakness, she begged her daughter not to tell Yuuri about it on Sunday, at least until the graduation was over. He deserved to have one good day without that worry eating at his heart. Besides, his father wouldn’t live much longer. He was going to die in that hospital.

* * *

  
Yuuri sat in one of the middle rows swamped by several dozen seniors all about to graduate, all flanked in long, flowing dark blue robes and matching caps that some had customized, but he never had the time. Most people around him were chattering to each other excitedly, but as usual, he stuck mostly to himself. People were starting to find their seat; it seemed like the entire county arrived at the same time.

**Yuuri: Are you here yet? :/**

**Viktor: Yep! I’m sitting with the guys from the station. Can you see Celestino’s obnoxious bright suit from here?**

Yuuri looked up, meeting Viktor’s gaze with a smile. He memorized their location should he need to look to him for support.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be on your phone,” A girl next to him hissed sharply. He ignored her.

 **Yuuri: Do you see my family anywhere?**  
Because he’d looked. He’d called and texted his sister and never gotten a response. Part of him wondered if his family wasn’t coming at all after what happened Friday, and that made his heart lurch, but it wasn’t the first time he’d been let down. Besides, the station members were here to support him (and Chief Celestino’s nephew, but whatever), so at least someone was there. Someone was better than no one.  
**Viktor: No :(  
Viktor: Nvm, I see your sister and whatever that guy’s name is. They’re towards the back. She’s wearing a light blue shirt and white pants.**

Yuuri sighed in relief, leaning back in his folding chair. It was nearly time.

**Yuuri: Thank you. I should go now.  
** Viktor: Break a leg! ;)  
Yuuri: You’re the best <3 

Tucking his phone away, he turned to his left to find Yuuko, (and he wasn’t even sure if she was graduating this year) also furiously texting. “Hey, Yuuko,” he greeted politely.

She ignored him, quite obviously.

After the principal and a boring guest speaker drabbled on and on about whatever the hell they wanted to spill, the valedictorian of their class: Yuuko (how did he miss this?) went up for her speech. Yuuri was in the race to be valedictorian before his little “accident” back in March, but he much rather preferred being down here, quiet and unnoticed. Her speech was just as boring, so Yuuri searched the crowd for Viktor’s face and zoned out…

 _Focusing on himself for a moment to catch his breath, Yuuri laid in the opposite direction of his lover as they recovered from yet another round of vigorous lovemaking. “Viktor, don’t do that.” He whispered, lips pressed against the other man’s shoulder blade. “T-That can wait.”_  
Viktor grunted in response, continuing to scroll down whatever website he was looking at. “Just checking something really quick.”  
“B-But…”  
“You’re right, you’re right,” Viktor did look concerned at whatever he was looking at, but he put it away for Yuuri’s sake. “I was just looking at the calls the station was on this evening.” He wrapped his arms around the younger boy’s waist. “There was a really bad accident close to home. I hope it’s nobody we knew.”

_Yuuri frowned, snuggling into him. “Me too. But don’t worry about all that until we get home.” Home, what did that mean? Did he even still have a home?_

_Once some time had passed and Viktor seemed to be starting to fall asleep, Yuuri blurted: “Viktor, I love you.”_  
And he didn’t exactly get the answer he wanted.  
“I know.”

Suddenly, everyone was applauding, and Yuuko had finished her speech. It was time for people’s names to be called just to receive their diplomas. Since his last name began with a K, he should be called somewhere in the middle of the pack.

 _“Abigail Addams.”_  
....  
“Brent Cladwood.”  
...  
“Jacqueline Edwards.”

Yuuri was nearly dozing off by the time they reached the G’s, but he straightened his back, trying to focus on staying awake.  
_“Maria Giacometti.”_ Chris applauded loudest with this girl. She had a pretty smile and dark brown hair, green eyes…  
_“Ron Howard.”_ God, this is going to take forever….

He closed his eyes for a moment.  
_“Jason Kaplan.”_  
Fuck. He had to be next, right? And if not next, then very, very soon. Yuuri listened closely, preparing to stand, _“Caitlyn Karson.”_  
_Oh come on!_ He bit his lip. _“Olivia Kass.”_

 _I didn’t know so many people were this close to my name, but I’m next, so…_  he went ahead and stood up.  
_“Brittany Kent.”_  
What??? Yuuri looked around disoriented, still standing. Several students around him were snickering behind their hands. People were staring.  
“ _Uh… Patrick Lyle.”_  
They skipped him. They skipped him.

Yuuri slowly sat down again, trying to think of a logical explanation as to why his name wasn’t being called. He got all A’s. He didn’t fail. This didn’t make any sense!

“ _Takeshi Nishigori.”_

Tears welled up in his eyes, burning his throat as he struggled to keep them at bay. People were still staring. Yuuko looked back at him from the row in front, smiling brightly. “Isn’t this great?”

Eyes wide, he stood again, but this time just to flee from the graduation scene.  
This caused a little more, little louder laughter from the seniors who’d already graduated. This had to be a joke.

Yuuri ended up running all the way to the football field, tears slipping down his cheeks as he looked for a place to hide. Under the bleachers was as good as any.  

The ceremony ended. People were applauding like wild as the graduates tossed their caps into the air. _That should’ve been me_. He roughly wiped the smearing mascara from under his eyes. _I worked harder for this stupid diploma than anyone over there!_

The applauding stopped suddenly as a different person took the microphone. He couldn’t hear it clearly, but it sounded like a younger person, not Viktor, but…  
“Excuse me, everyone, I believe there’s been a mistake.”  
Yuuri sniffled, straining to hear the confused mumbles of the guests.  
“Approximately 59 names were called at this graduation. But looking on this list, there are 60 graduates and you-” he must be talking to the announcer- “know that too.”  
Shocked gasping. Yuuri slowly crept back towards the stage, j-just so he could get a better view, you know?

“Alright, I know it may not seem like that big a deal for you,” Now Yuuri could see. Christophe Giacometti??? “But I know this kid, and I know that this mistake was intentional.”  
Yuuri’s blush was far too noticeable when literally everyone turned to stare at him. He searched for Viktor, finding him in the same spot as always, giving an encouraging smile.  
“So, let’s try this again,” Giacometti continued, “ladies and gentleman, please put your hands together for Yuuri Katsuki!”  
Yuuri had never been more embarrassed in his life.  
Yuuri had also never been more grateful.  

* * *

May, 2017

  
"It was strange at first, how he just straight up stopped talking to me outside of school after that night," Yuuri admitted over a lunch of ramen one afternoon, just days before Memorial Day and the last day of school, "but he still arranges appointments and I know he's paying most of the doctor bills, no matter what lie he tries to tell me."

"Have you tried confronting him?" Chris tipped his bowl up to get the last of the ramen. "That doesn't sound like him at all."

"I can't catch him alone these days, with that Lucille girl always hanging all over him." Yuuri shrugged. "I guess I'll try to stop by his house tonight. I have to talk to him in private anyway."

"Well, good luck, Yuuri," Mickey pat his arm. "I'm sure it'll be okay."

"It will be!" Emil added. "Oh, what are you guys doing for Memorial Day? I have a place on the water, and I was planning on inviting people over. There'll be fireworks and catering– thanks to my parents– and if you guys want to take one of my boats around, you could."

"Text me the details and I'll be there." Chris held up his phone. "I have to go, my kids are going to be back from P.E in a few... Oh, can I bring someone?"

Everyone at the table knew who it was.

"I don't see why not. Everyone's invited, I just figured I'd tell you all first."

"Tell us what?" Everyone shut up at the sudden appearance of Viktor— alone for once???— at the door.

"Oh, uh... just that I was planning on letting the students dunk their teachers in the tank on field day." Emil made up quickly. And despite how outrageous that sounded, everyone went with it.

"Oh, thank God I'm not a teacher then." Viktor smiled weakly. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

Yuuri wanted someone to say no, but everyone said yes, and Viktor sat directly next to Yuuri. Conversations resumed, excluding Yuuri, of course.

"Hey."

Yuuri looked startled to see him actually talking to him. "Hi..?"

"I need to talk to you about something, as soon as possible." Viktor placed a hand over his under the table. "Please."

"I only have 10 minutes left for lunch," Yuuri glanced at the clock, "but my kids are at art class at one, if you want to talk then?"

"Okay." Viktor didn't say anything else to him for the remaining ten minutes, but Yuuri noticed how uncomfortable he looked around people who used to adore him. He felt a little bad.  
~~~  
At one pm, Yuuri made his way towards Viktor's office, making sure to knock first in case he was busy with someone (namely, the counselor).

"Come in," he said in the least cheerful voice possible. He was definitely upset.

Yuuri clicked open the door, taking in the surroundings.  
Viktor's name was on the desk, the polished wood glimmering from the sunlight where it wasn't hidden by paperwork. A basket of lollipops rested on a shelf close to Yuuri, so he unwrapped one and popped it in his mouth. "I'm here."

"Oh, hey.. have a seat?" Viktor's smile was forced as he pushed his rolling chair back from the desk.

Yuuri obeyed, sitting in one of the small school chairs. "What's wrong?"

The older man leaned his elbow on one of the armrests of the chair. Exhaling softly, he met Yuuri's gaze. "Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to see how you've been."

"I've been doing alright." Yuuri said coolly. "Things are going just fine these days."

"I'm glad to hear that." Every pause felt increasingly more awkward than before for Viktor, but Yuuri didn't seem to notice it at all. "What... what are you doing this summer?"

"Ah, I'm glad you asked," Yuuri excitedly told him of how he'd be Yuri Plisetsky's summer tutor and would be living with the family at their beach home, and would even get to go abroad to Europe towards the end of the summer as part of his job to basically babysit Plisetsky. "What about you?"

"I'll be back at the station, actually," Viktor sulked. He didn't look at all enthusiastic. "Turns out there isn't much work here for me this summer."

"Oh... that's..."

"Don't try to say it's nice, because it isn't." Viktor wouldn't look away from him. "It sucks and it won't do me any good."

"Well, there's nothing I can do about that." Yuuri stood. "I'd better go. You'll be at Emil's party, right?"

"Look at you, attending parties and being the social butterfly.." He mused. "I wasn't invited."

"Oh, he said everyone's invited." He reached for the handle. "Why don't you invite Lucille?"

"Yuuri, wait—"

"I'll see you later."

* * *

  
The party began at six pm the following Saturday and Yuuri let Emil know in advance that he'd be late. Somehow, he'd gotten in touch with a realtor and decided to go begin the search for a different place to rent. There was nothing available in town in his price range, of course, but he was looking at places closer to the beach instead anyway.

He found one property he really liked— ground floor condo type places in a quiet neighborhood sat overlooking the bay. It was going to be a little pricey if he ever made the move, but he also knew teachers got paid better over there as well. It was just something he needed to start thinking about.  
The night before as he laid in bed, staring up at the sky through one of the holes in the ceiling, he decided he deserved better than that. Nobody deserved to live like this, not even the worst of people.  
The bathroom floor was literally about to cave in, so Yuuri couldn't even go in to do laundry or wash himself. He was being overcharged and he'd always known that. The only reason he continued paying was because he knew Mrs. Beckett desperately needed the money.

Still, she wouldn't fix the roof. She wouldn't fix the floor. She told Yuuri if he wanted something fixed, he'd have to do it himself.

He didn't like that.

So, he decided that he would confront her about the conditions of the place, saying he ought to sue her for negligence, and what did she do?

"You have till tomorrow morning to evict".

Yeah....

Yuuri thought of his options as he gathered up his belongings, deciding to leave the ratty furniture until he could get someone to move it for him.

And where would he stay? Mari's house was always an option until he left for the beach with Yuri Plisetsky, but what about after that? He didn't want to think about the future right now.

Stuffing the last of his clothes into the small suitcase he'd always had, he went to work.

Now, eleven hours later, he was walking towards the direction of Emil's house for the party that surely everyone was going to attend. It was a community event, and apparently he threw a party every year. This would be his first year hearing of it mainly because he'd been away at university before.

Had Viktor ever gone? No, he couldn't think of him.

Yuuri was wearing a light blue and white striped polo he'd just bought the other day along with khakis— like literally every other man had on as shorts— and was relieved to find most people were already there so he didn't have to awkwardly sit with the host.

Emil was right. There were at least seventy five people in his sight. Of the seventy five, he saw Viktor Nikiforov sitting alone at a stray table, and the other teachers nearby, huddled around with beer cans as they chatted happily with each other.  
The evening air was cooling the heat wave they'd endured all day, and most of the children attending had their feet dunked in the chilly river to keep cool. Emil was with them, asking who wanted to go first on his boat, (but Mickey cried for him not to do such a thing!!!), and Yuuri smiled at the sight. This was nice.

Light music echoed off the swaying trees, crickets hummed, and the river gently trickled by him. He could relax...

"Hey, Yuuri! Come sit with us!" Chris called. _Oh, everyone's eating now. How long had I been standing there?_

Yuuri grabbed a cold soda from a cooler and sat next to Georgi, putting on his best "I'm having a great time" face. "Hey guys,"

"Hey!" Georgi smiled, "Did you see Mr. Wallflower over there?" He motioned in the direction of Nikiforov. "Word is that he came just to see you." The statement was met by teasing remarks from the rest of the people at the table, and Yuuri did all he could not to blush.  
"Why on earth would he do that? He didn't invite that woman, Lucille?"

"Not as far as I know. Besides, Emil didn't invite her anyway and she lives out of town a ways." Chris replied. "You should go talk to him! I've never seen him look this pathetic before, and we've been friends since grade school."

"Yeah, but..." okay, now his face was turning pink, "I don't want to seem desperate, you know? I-If he really wanted to talk to me, he'd come over here and just do it."

"You know, Viktor probably is thinking the same thing." Georgi nudged him. "Look how lonely he looks. Isn't he the one that's lived here his whole life?"

Yuuri rested his chin against his palm, gazing over at Viktor. He did look handsome tonight, wearing his usual button down white dress shirt and those goddamn khakis. The conversation changed for a while, and Yuuri tried to ignore the intruding thoughts, until—

"I know you like him, Yuuri, so cut the bullshit." Phichit Chulanont appeared out of nowhere. "If you don't get your ass over there and sit with him, I'm going to do it myself, get him drunk and seduce him, marry him, and make him live with it for the rest of his life."

Okay, Phichit is already tipsy.

"F-Fine..." Yuuri pushed his chair, clutching the soda can so tightly that his fingers felt numb. "Just for a minute." It only took over an hour of persuasion to get to this point, but...

He felt the eyes of his friends burning a hole into his back as he made his way over to Viktor. "You showed up."

Viktor snapped his head up, startled to see Katsuki. "Yuuri..."

"Didn't think you'd be here." Yuuri timidly sat down across from him. "I, uh, I'm glad you are."

"Really?" Viktor lit up.

"Yeah!" He smiled brightly. "Besides, we're all going on a boat ride in a minute and we need one more person to come with us!"

His face fell. "Oh..."

"Um..." Yuuri glanced back at the group; some were face-palming, others shaking their heads or frowning. "Do you want to go get some food?"

"I'm allergic to seafood."

"Oh, right..." Yuuri exhaled softly. "But other food's ready!"

"They prepared it in the same fryers. I'll probably get a reaction to it if I do. It's okay though, why don't you go get some and sit with your friends? Don't let me ruin your evening." Viktor forced a tiny smile. "I'll be leaving soon, I don't really think I should have come anyway."

Guilt hits Yuuri like a ton of bricks. _This is my fault, right? I stole his friends from him and told them stories and now they all hate Viktor. God, I've been such a bitch._  
And how does he subsidize the guilt? Yuuri leans across the table and kisses the life out of the other man, that's what.

But... it doesn't go exactly how he wanted.  
1\. He spills his cola across the table and it drips all over Viktor's nice shirt and soaks his pants, making it look like a pee spot.  
2\. Viktor pushed him off.  
3\. He stumbled and nearly fell from the table.  
4\. People stared.

Viktor wiped his mouth, glaring at him. "Why did you do that??"

Yuuri's mouth hung open for a moment as he tried to process what just happened. "I- I'm sorry, I... I don't know what I was thinking." He quickly scooped napkins from the other side of the table and pressed them– cringe– against Viktor's crotch.

"Yuuri!" He shouted, shoving his hands away with a bright red face.  
"I'm sorry!!" Yuuri repeated, extremely flustered. "I'm just trying to help!"

"Well stop, alright!? I can..." he trailed off. Yes, everyone was staring. This was bad.

Yuuri grimaced, grabbing Viktor's arm. "Woods. Now."

~~~  
"You just embarrassed me in front of everyone, so you better have a real good reason for your stupid behavior!!!" Yuuri exclaimed upon reaching a fork in the road. "Tell me, now!!"

Viktor looked away shamefully, choosing to look at the rippling river instead of Yuuri, who'd just seemed to change so much over the past few weeks that he wasn't even sure who he was anymore.

"I have been doing everything to be nice to you tonight, and you're being a real dick!"

"You think being nice to me one time after ignoring me for weeks is going to let you off the hook? What— what world are you living in?!" Viktor shot back.

"Then tell me what's wrong!"

Viktor did not reply.

"That's it. I'm going back." Yuuri turned away, ready to storm off, when..

"I miss you..." came a sad statement from a breaking voice.

He froze. "Wh-What did you just say...?" He faced Viktor once more.

"I miss you." He repeated, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry..."

Yuuri felt his heart pang, sucking in a sharp breath. He had been cruel to Viktor all this month without giving an explanation, which was unfair of him. Yes, he assumed Viktor was dating, but he didn't know for sure. Still, he let his assumptions get the best of him.

"I just don't know what I did wrong, Yuuri," he lamented, "was it that girl? It never went anywhere... why didn't you tell me if it upset you?"

"Oh, Viktor.." Yuuri quickly stepped in and embraced him tightly. "I'm so sorry… I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I just wanted to give you space while you pursued her and never– never came back."

"I called you, why didn't you ever answer?" Viktor sunk his head in Yuuri's neck as he returned the embrace. "I even stopped by your house, but you were never there."

"Oh... my phone stopped working for a while, so I got a new one with a different number. My fault, again." Yuuri nuzzled into him. "I've been cruel, and I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"And now you're going away for the entire summer.." Viktor added sadly. "I don't know what to do."

"Come with me," Yuuri suggested, "just for a few weeks, so we can be together..." he laid gentle kisses down Viktor's neck. "Let me make it up to you..." he kissed both of his cheeks, then the tip of his nose before pulling back slightly. "Let me at least try."

On one hand, Viktor doesn't want to say yes because Yuuri might just play with his heart again. On the other, he really had missed him and wants to feel wanted. It's only been a few weeks since the entire school began practically ignoring his existence, but it felt like the world was and it'd been going on for years. "I'm sorry I shouted at you back there, but.. you have to see from my perspective..."  
"I understand." Yuuri said flatly, pulling away, but Viktor didn't let him out of arms' width.

It felt good to be here with Yuuri... to be kissed like this, and... "M-My place or yours?" Viktor mumbled against his lips.

"Mine. I need to show you something anyway."

As Yuuri and Viktor walked back towards Viktor's car, the younger felt nearly overwhelmed by guilt. This was all his fault... he hurt Viktor terribly and made him into someone he'd never seen before— jealous, overemotional, and outcasted from his friends. _How did I have the capability to do that?_

_Well, to be fair, I have been talking to Chris a lot about the past, since he never knew my side of the story and why I broke up with Viktor that summer. I guess that the story got twisted by the time Georgi, Mickey, and Emil found out.  
Leo, Guang-hong, JJ, Seung-Gil and Phichit still do not know, but none of them have ever been very friendly with Viktor anyway._

And as he climbed into Viktor's car, the most horrible thought continuously echoed through his mind— _I really almost lost him, I almost lost him, I almost lost him...._

When Viktor started driving though, he didn't go towards town, but down a back route that Yuuri knew all too well. In high school, this was the "long way" Viktor would take to drive Yuuri home as an excuse to be in his company longer.

"Is the medication working well, Yuuri?" Viktor asked after a moment.  
"Mmhm.." Yuuri scooted to the middle, laying his head on Viktor's shoulder, his hand on the other man's lap. "It's running out though. I'll need a follow up appointment before I leave for the summer."

"I can arrange for that." Viktor pressed a kiss on his temple when he stopped at a stop sign. "Are the bills manageable?"

"Yeah, thanks to you."

"I don't know what you're getting at." Viktor's cheeks held a little color. "I didn't– ah...." Yuuri slipped his resting hand in between Viktor's thighs, giving the area a gentle squeeze. "Liars go to hell, Viktor."

The older man bit his lip, trying to act like he wasn't totally into the new development as he continued down the road. Yuuri didn't move his hand, finding the courage to continue groping the area solely for Viktor's pleasure. _I said I'd make it up to you._

Stubborn as he was, Viktor refused to verbally acknowledge the actions, but his member under the shorts said it for him. "Should I stop?"

Absolutely no response.

_Fine. Two can play at this game._

Yuuri took Viktor's free hand and placed it over his own crotch. "Tell me if I should stop."

He didn't.

A few minutes later, they arrived at Yuuri's apartment. The younger of the two felt nervous, for this would be the first time he'd had the chance to show Viktor the true extent of the damage to the apartment. Also, he needed his help getting his stuff out. He could throw it away, for all he cared, but he didn't want it left there for all to see.

Yuuri gingerly pecked a kiss on Viktor's lips. "Promise you'll keep an open mind?"

Yes, Viktor's confused. But he won't be in a moment.  
"I promise."

Yuuri took his hand and led him up the rickety steps to his apartment door. The wood was weak in some areas, nearly rotted through. It could probably fall in a single kick. He shakily unlocked it, letting it swing open. "Viktor... I'm going to move out."

Viktor squeezed his hand. "Maybe a change will be good. You did say you don't like living here."

"Yes, that's true," he took a deep breath, "but I want you to see why." Here goes nothing... "You've never seen my bedroom, right?"

"Admittedly, I figured you slept on the couch. Doesn't seem like there's room for one anywhere."

"There wasn't." He said, pointing towards the closet. "Look there."

Viktor did as he was told and pulled open the closet door. For a long while, all he did was stare.  
In college, during various classes he learned of ethnocentrism, a term which here means the evaluation of other cultures according to preconceptions originating in the standards and customs of one's own culture. But that wasn't really the correct term here, was it? Yuuri sleeping in a room with barely any roof, mold nearly covering the walls and holes in the walls wasn't a cultural thing. He just tried to use the term to keep an open mind, but... how could he remain calm with a sight like this?

"How long has it been like this?" He asked in a low tone.

"Uhm... there was a few holes in the wall when I moved in, but after the winter we had, the roof just gave in at some points." He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "That blizzard left me dunked in three feet of snow one morning when the roof finally caved, heh..." he knew it wasn't funny, if anything it was awkward, but he just didn't know what to do...

"Where does your landlord live?" Viktor looked dangerous right now. His eyes were narrow, his skin turned hot and his expression was one unfamiliar to Yuuri.

"Next-door, but..."  
That was all it took for Viktor to try and leave. "V-Viktor, don't!" He begged, going as far as to hug his leg. "Don't go over there! I don't want any issues with her."

"As landlord, it's her job to fix these kinds of things, Yuuri," he said sternly. "and if she refuses, she could get in serious legal trouble."

"It doesn't matter anymore!" He cried. "I just want you to help me get out of here, I'm being evicted in the morning, so who cares??"

"You deserve to get every cent you paid on this place back." Viktor pushed on, despite the full grown man attached to his leg. "These aren't humane living conditions."

"It's all I could get at the time!" Yuuri held on even tighter. "I knew what I was getting into, I agreed to it. Please don't bother her. She can't afford a lawsuit. Please, Viktor..."

Viktor sighed, crouching down. "Why didn't you tell me about this before, Yuuri? I would've let you move in with me until you could find another place."

"I know." He sniffed. "I don't like— I- I mean, at the time I couldn't ask for help, you know?" Viktor frowned, begging God for patience and understanding. "But I'm leaving for the summer anyway, so a lot can change by then. I'll be fine."

"And where will you go before then, huh? Live in your swimming pool of a car?"

"I'm staying with my sister." Yuuri declared. "Even though Emmett and I fight like cats and dogs, it's just for a week or two. I'll be fine."

"Why don't you stay with me?" Viktor gently brushed the hair out of Yuuri's face. "You won't even have to see me if you don't want. I'll leave you alone."

Yuuri thought about it for a few seconds. It really seemed like the better option, but... "What about your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend." Viktor lifted him to his feet. "What did I tell you a few weeks back when you were at my house? Don't you remember?"

"Maybe you should say it again.." Yuuri looked away shyly. "I think I forgot."

Viktor cupped his cheeks, eyes looking the most intense blue Yuuri'd ever seen. "I said I love you and only you."

"I know you do." Yuuri said pointedly, causing Viktor to let go. "What, Viktor? Is that not enough?"

"Damn you..." Viktor picked him up, and Yuuri didn't protest it either. "How many times do I have to say it for you to believe me?"

"Actions speak louder than words, right?" Yuuri wrapped his arms around his neck. "Take me to your house and show me."

* * *

  
In the morning, Yuuri woke up in Viktor's arms and legs tangled around his. He'd slept relatively well, considering how hard it was to lay on his back, but the pain dimmed and his only complaint was the start of an anxious feeling due to having not taken his medicine yet.

The morning news was on, quietly playing on the TV somehow. Yuuri tried to figure out just how the channel changed, for last night it'd been on a gentle music channel to help Yuuri fall asleep.

Shrugging, he curled up against his lover and listened to the newscaster speak about the weather like he did every morning, something about another heat wave coming into the area by next Wednesday....

This was so lovely, and the only thing that could make it better was perhaps if Viktor was awake and he had a cup of coffee in his hands.

Glancing up at his sleeping bed partner, an idea flickered into his mind. What's even better than cuddling in bed with somebody you're making amends with?

 _Make a romantic breakfast in bed for them_ , he thought. If Viktor didn't have the groceries necessary, he'd substitute whatever he needed.

Yuuri carefully rolled to the side of the bed, patting his hand on the side table to find his glasses.

Tying Viktor's bathrobe tightly around his middle, Yuuri crept down the stairs, praying Makkachin wouldn't bark at him, because that would surely awake Viktor.

 _Last night was fun_ , he thought, _it'd probably rank among the top three sexual encounters I've endured with Nikiforov. We should probably do it again when he wakes up._

Makkachin was asleep on the carpet in front of the kitchen, and Yuuri nearly toppled over her. He stepped over her, finally arriving in the kitchen. The little TV in the wall was also playing the morning news, when he knew for a fact it'd been off the night before. Strange.  
He wasn't a confirmed believer in ghosts, but... what if Viktor's house was haunted or something?  
No, that's stupid.

Yuuri, feeling a tad bit of bravery, let the robe slip from his shoulders and drop to the floor below him. He tied one of Viktor's big white aprons around himself instead, blushing madly at his most recent idea. Viktor would love this.

Yuuri opened the cabinets in search of pancake batter, because hey, he was no cook and couldn't possibly make them from scratch.  
To his luck, he found a small box with just enough batter left for two servings. What else did Viktor like? He liked fried eggs, not scrambled, if he recalled correctly. He doesn't like bacon. Fruit! Viktor was almost always seen with an old apple core on his desk back at the school.

Within twenty minutes, Yuuri had a full breakfast prepared for the sleeping beauty upstairs. He poured him a glass of orange juice and very, very carefully carried the tray upstairs.

Viktor was starting to stir, and by the time Yuuri pushed open the door, his eyes fluttered open.

His smile was bright enough to outshine the sun once he'd realized what was going on. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes— God, he was so cute, he looked like a child on Christmas morning— he threw his arms around Yuuri tightly. "Thank you, love!"

The younger smiled as he returned the hug. "It was the least I could do."

A smile tugged at Viktor's lips as he lifted the glass from the tray and took a long sip. His eyes never broke its lock on Yuuri, but his gaze was curious. "May I ask you a question?"

"Yes, of course." Yuuri wiped his hands on the front of the apron.

"Why are you really doing this? Is it to make it up to me, or are you really wanting to put an effort into forming a lasting relationship with me? Or, do you still not know?"

Yuuri tapped his fingers against the side table as he gave himself a moment to think about what had been asked of him. Thanks to his new medications, some days his thoughts were so processed and intellectual, he wondered if that's how intelligent he'd been all along. "The truth is, I know I very much have feelings for you that I don't know what to do with. I love you, Viktor, and you know I do, but how could we make this work if I'm going away for the entire summer? Besides, I'll probably get fired anyway. I don't want to put you in the position where you'd have to choose between your career and me."

"Okay, but," Viktor set aside the tray, "if you love me like you say you do, you'd want to find a way to make us work, right?"

"Yes. I'll reconsider that if you don't shut your mouth and start eating. I worked hard on this!" Yuuri turned around and opened the curtains, taking a moment to gaze out at the mighty river below them. It really was beautiful...

"I'm talking to you, so you should look at me." Viktor had his mouth filled to the brim like he'd never eaten pancakes before and these were the best he'd ever had. "These are really good by the way," he said, sounding more like "thirs es reerely gold by la rway."

Yuuri stifled a laugh, turning to face him. "You're so childish, Viktor. I hate you."

"That's not what you said last night." Viktor teased evenly, barely sparing him a glance.  
The younger of the two must've turned the shade of the curtains. "V-Viktor!"

"What was it you said?" Viktor set his plate aside, "Viktor, Viktor! OH Viktor, you're so perfect... aAhHhHh I loooove youuuuu!"

"I did not!" Yuuri clamored across the room and covered his mouth. "You shut up."

Viktor smirked, dragging his tongue across his hand to get him away.

"Ah! B... besides, Viktor," Yuuri wiped his hand off on the apron, "I don't know what you're referring to about last night that could've made me remotely sound the way you referred to. I didn't feel anything with that little toothpick dick of yours."

"Yuuri Katsuki." Viktor said sternly, looking absolutely humiliated. Yuuri loved this. "I– you know I don't—"  
"You're right, that condom must've given you a little more thickness than I thought. We'll resize it down to a tictac dick."

"Yuuri! I'll check right now if you think I–"  
"Just shut up and kiss me already, Nikiforov." Yuuri straddled the other man's waist, cupping his cheeks. "Or is the little guy too sexually frustrated to do it?"

"You're going to get it," Viktor scowled, tossing him onto the bed beside him and switching positions. "Or is that what you wanted all along?"

"Hah..." Yuuri allowed himself to be pinned to bed, knowing it really was Viktor that had to do what he wanted. "If only your dick was as big as your brain."

"I'm gonna make you eat those words, you dirty little—"

"Make me." Yuuri said, surprising the other man with how excited he seemed about this at such an early hour in the day. "Make me regret what I said, Viktor, please..." As if his wish was Viktor's command, Yuuri was rolled onto his stomach. Viktor slowly untied the apron and slipped it off, running his hands down Yuuri's back. "Please, please do it.."

"So eager.. but why? I thought I didn't have anything for you.."  
"Ughh... just shut up and do it!" Yuuri whined, reaching back to grab one of Viktor's hands.

"Pushy pushy pushy..." Viktor chuckled, pressing his chest against Yuuri's shoulder. "You're not good at seducing men, but you sure as hell can frustrate one."

"Let's just say my exes didn't ever listen to what I needed." Yuuri pulled himself onto his knees, face pressed into the pillow. "But here's your chance to show me you're better than them, okay? I'm leaving on Friday. You may not have another chance."

"Yuuri... I don't want you to leave." Viktor pressed his lips against Yuuri's tattoo. "Can't you just stay?"

"I have to do this. Come with me.."

_Viktor was my first love._

_He was the first person to ever make me feel good about myself. He would never try to hurt me._

_He says he loves me, he's saying it right now as he desperately tries to show me, but..._

"A-ah..." Yuuri was now facing forward, clutching onto Viktor tightly as he eased himself in. This was okay. He wanted it.

_My body thinks this hurts, but it doesn't. After what I've been through with him, with Brent.. this doesn't hurt at all._

_The only difference is that Brent wouldn't stop if I asked him to. He had to hurt me, he wanted to... and he..._  
_No. I don't need to think about him right now...  
"You could change your name, dye your hair, move back to whatever fuckin' country you came from, and guess what? I'll always find you. You think this is over? You think you can just leave? After all I did for you, Yuuri, you think you can just—"_

_He's gone. He's not going to ever find me. He hasn't yet. I need to stop thinking of him when I'm in someone else's arms._

"Are you alright?" Viktor whispered against his ear, stopping when he noticed Yuuri not seeming to be into their actions.

"What?" His voice shook. "N-no.. I was just thinking about something. Sorry." He sunk his face into Viktor's neck, pretending his tears weren't caused by his thoughts. "I-I love you so much, Viktor..."

Viktor paused. He pulled back a bit to get a good look at Yuuri, cradling his face. "I love you too." His eyes are asking, begging Yuuri to tell him what's wrong, but not even Yuuri's therapists or the police know what really happened and what keeps him up at night.

But, when Yuuri's expression goes back to normal as his tears clear away, Viktor decides to go with it and not press for answers. He knew that someday Yuuri will trust him enough to tell him what trauma he's fully endured, but till then, he'll wait.

He tried to shut his mind off for now, grounding himself to focus on what Viktor was doing to his body. He filled him up completely with his length— God, why did he have a hard time thinking of a word to describe genitals without it feeling weird?

Whatever he wanted to call it, it was making him feel good. More than good, and the way Viktor rolled his hips, grinding his body against him? He wanted to make more than a little bit of noise. Chest heaving, he wrapped his legs around Viktor's middle. "H-Harder..." he whimpered.  
Viktor was a very considerate lover, to say the least. While he might've made his thrusting harder, he still held him like he was priceless treasure, planting kisses wherever his lips could find. And as for poor Yuuri, he didn't know what to do. His legs felt like jello, and his mind turned fuzzy. He couldn't move, but Viktor was still in top form. It could've been from mere exhaustion, but for a sick, sick moment, he didn't mind it. For that time, he wanted Viktor to dominate him and take full control so he wouldn't have to think anymore.  
He quickly snapped out of it though, bucking his hips up and startling Viktor at his sudden involvement. He pulled him close, dragging his tongue across his lips as he felt himself coming to his climax. God, this man would be the death of him..."Thank you, Viktor."

Afterward, Viktor held Yuuri like he needed to be, spent bodies pressed together as they reveled in the silence for a few moments.  
"Yuuri, I've made up my mind." Viktor rests his cheek against Yuuri's. "I'm going with you to the ocean... I know a friend who runs a station down there anyway, and I'll just see if I can get in for the summer. Maybe we can get a place close to the Plisetsky's, or I can if you need to stay with them."

This sounded all too familiar, like a promised conversation occurring after high school with events never to be, but this time was different.

"Okay." Yuuri leaned in, and the sort-of-couple shared a kiss that was far more sweet than it should've been. Yuuri wished kissing Viktor could wash away all worries like it would in a book, but it merely stalled them for brief seconds before crashing back in. Still, Viktor didn't need to know that.

_It's been years now since I've been anywhere near that terrible man, so why do I still get scared of him? Why do I let him interfere with Viktor and I?_

_I can't._

"Viktor..." Yuuri gave himself a moment to catch his breath, but Viktor, still highly infatuated with kissing skin, merely switched to his neck. Yuuri tilted his head to the side, allowing himself to let out sighs of pleasure as he clung onto the other man. "Will you... when I'm ready... will you make us official this time?"

"Mmhm..." Viktor trailed his tongue down Yuuri's neck and onto his shoulder, sending shivers down his spine. "Whatever you want, baby."

"And will you.. nnngh..." _get it together, Yuuri, you can do this_. "Will you forgive me, for how I treated you this month?"

At this, Viktor stopped kissing him. "For ignoring me?"  
"Well... yes."  
"Are you sorry about turning the entire school against me, too?"  
"I'll make it better." He promised. "Please."

"Did you say those things to them about me because you were jealous or because they were true?" Viktor wound a lock of Yuuri's hair around his finger.  
The younger of the pair blushed. "Um... maybe I exaggerated because of the first option."

"So what shall we do, Yuuri?"

"Maybe I shouldn't get as invested as I did with your personal life?"

"That's a start," Viktor mumbled.

* * *

  
"Well, I'd say last night was a success," Chris and Phichit fell asleep on picnic tables at Emil's house after three in the morning and were only now getting back into town, deciding to make a stop at the grocery store.  
Chris parked across from the store, a broken pile of furniture beside it on the side of the road catching his eye. "Hey, what's this all about?"

Phichit sifted through the items, surprised to find a suitcase among the seemingly useless furniture. He opened it carefully, eyes going wide. "T-This is Yuuri's."

"How can you be certain?" Chris leaned over him.

"He always wears this stupid watch." He held up a glimmering, silver watch. "See?"

"That doesn't mean anything. Besides, even if it is, wouldn't that mean Yuuri is on the street or something? Where does he live, anyway?"

Phichit looked around, the staircase beside the store grabbing his attention. "Probably right there. Should we...?"

"I don't see why not." Chris beat him to the stairs, carelessly going up the steps to the open door. "Hello..? Yuuri, are you—"

He heard a noise coming from inside, so he continued. "Yuuri?"

Suddenly, a man about Yuuri's age with a charismatic bright smile and light brown hair appeared from behind the door. "Hi there, is this place still for rent? I'm looking for a place to stay."

Chris shrugged. "I'm assuming the owner lives downstairs. Wait a minute. Brent, Brent Cladwood? Is that you??"

"Giacometti!" The charming youngster shook Chris' hand firmly. "Long time no see."

"Where've you been? Man, wait till Viktor hears about this."

"Viktor's still here?" Brent's expression briefly changed. "Oh. I went home to take care of my mother for a while after college. Now I'm just thinking of settling here for the summer. Looks like not much has changed."

"Yeah, even Yuuri's back in town. Remember him?" Chris chattered naively.

"How could I forget..." Brent chuckled, "how could I... forget."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brent Cladwood's the name. Put him on your hit list. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next time: it's the last day of school!
> 
> Feedback of any kind is always welcome! Let me know what you think!! xxx


	9. Daffodils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last week of school brings stress for everyone due to rumors of a downsizing, and Yuuri wonders about what he would do if he lost his job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I casually didn't update for two weeks hehhh... sorry. I owe you all

Yuuri splashed water onto his face in the master bathroom. He was wearing only his boxers and was almost ready to go to bed until these pesky thoughts started bothering him. His stomach had been aching after drinking too much fruit punch after the concert, and he was finally ridding himself of the discomfort. Viktor fell asleep early that night, citing a migraine and being far too overworked. Yuuri couldn't blame him; the last week of school was hard on everyone. And on top of that, he had to take an examination to renew his paramedic license (Yuuri didn't even know he ever was one— how much else was he unaware of?) in two days. If that didn't work, well, he'd be screwed for the summer. He was awake now though, waiting for Yuuri in the bedroom.

Exhaling, Yuuri dried his face and flipped the light switch. He dropped the towel on the love-seat, quietly walking over to the empty side of the bed. "Hey you," Yuuri smiled shyly. "You ready to go back to bed?"

"I've been ready." Viktor pulled the blanket back. "Come here."

Yuuri nodded, slipping into his hold. "I know today was rough. Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. I hated hearing that parent try to lecture you. You're a good teacher." Viktor kissed down his neck gently.

"You didn't have to defend me." Yuuri said pointedly. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"Nobody lost their job. It's okay, love." They held onto each other like their lives depended on it.

_I really shouldn't be sleeping in here. I'm a guest, he's given me a room until I leave for the beach tomorrow night.Maybe he really won't come with me, and he'll come up with lame excuses as to why he cannot._

Yuuri removed his glasses and slid under the covers despite the inner conflict. _If this really is my last night with him for God knows how long, I need to make it count._  
Thunder and lightning had long since competing outside, seeming so much louder than it did at his old apartment and enough to at least startle Yuuri every thirty seconds or so.

He'd been noticing the lights flicker for a while but paid no mind to it. He wasn't afraid of the dark, having lived without electricity countless times in his life. But now as thunder sounded like a gunshot beside his head, the power went out for good and Viktor's house suddenly seemed a lot darker than he thought it was.

The noise kept Viktor awake though, so at least he didn't have to be afraid alone. "I think I'm deaf." He mumbled, pushing his hair out of his eyes to get a good look at Yuuri. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

"Ah... kind of my fault. Should I go? I- I know I should've stayed in my room, but.."

"No. You're more than welcome to stay. Is something bothering you, though?" Now Viktor was sitting up, making Yuuri feel even worse.

"It's nothing.. I thought I heard voices downstairs when I was in my room. B-But I checked, and there wasn't anyone."

"Mmm." Viktor closed his eyes. "Did I mention my house is totally haunted?"

"How comforting..." he laid curled up under the blanket, "now I know I really have lost my mind."

"Aww, no, I'm actually serious! My great grandparents died here, as did one set of grandparents and like two cousins, one drowned in the river, the other—"

"Okay, shut up Viktor. I don't want to know." Yuuri mumbled, clutching onto the pillow. "It sounded like real people. Outside."

"Well, do you want me to check?" Viktor swung his legs over the side of the bed. "If I die, please take care of Makkachin."  
Yuuri rolled his eyes, snuggling further into the blanket. It wasn't just any voice he'd heard, that's why he knew he was only imagining it. Brent's still in jail to his knowledge, someplace at least six hours from him. Plus, he wouldn't know Yuuri was staying with Viktor.

_I need to make an emergency appointment with my therapist before I leave. This is bullshit._

Viktor came back a few minutes later, clearly telling Yuuri there was no intruder and Yuuri really was crazy.

Viktor was about to start walking over to his side of the bed when Yuuri scrambled out of bed and jumped into his arms. He wrapped his legs around Viktor's middle and clung to him like his life depended on it. "Sorry, I got scared..." he whispered, forcing a tiny laugh. That was an understatement. But he was 24 years old now and really couldn't act like a child.

"Hey, it's okay, I was kinda creeped out too." Viktor sat down on his bed and hugged back. "Guess you were wrong about the voices, huh?"

"Guess so." Yuuri closed his eyes. "Don't let go just yet though."  
“Yuuri…” Viktor chided, “You’re upset about something and you aren’t telling me again. How am I supposed to help?”

Yuuri loosened his grip ever so slightly. “It’s something stupid and you’ll just pity me even more than you already do.”

“I don’t pity you at all.”

“Then how come you never let me buy anything for you?” This was getting way off topic now, good. Yuuri would like to avoid the real conversation for as long as possible.

“Well, that’s just my personality. I don’t like receiving, I’m more of a giver,” Viktor kissed his shoulder. “But I’m sorry if I bothered you.”

“It’s okay, just…” he exhaled, “let me take you out on a date sometime, like a real deal, fancy, reservation and suits kind of date? And you can’t pay a cent for it.”

“Haha… I wasn’t expecting that!” Viktor laid back, still holding just as tight. “That sounds wonderful, babe, I would love to go out with you.” Yuuri blushed at the non-frequently used term of endearment. “But I still want to know what’s bothering you.” Rats.

“Always assume unless I explicitly state otherwise that if I’m randomly upset- and it’s not at you- that it’s about someone I don’t want to talk about.”

“Maybe you could tell me about him under a different name sometime? I don’t know, I’ve always felt that letting out all that pent-up emotional baggage relieves me.” Emotional baggage? It was a lot more than that.

“I’ll tell you something.” Yuuri cuddled into his side as the blanket was pulled over his shoulders. “He was nothing like you. I think that’s why it’s so easy to get comfortable with you, because you don’t have similar facial features or traits or anything.”  
“Well I’m actually glad to hear that, Yuuri,” Viktor’s heart was beating steadily underneath his teeshirt. Yuuri lifted his hand under so he could feel the skin and the pumping. “That’s all I want is for you to be comfortable.”

“You’re a good man, Viktor, and I trust you. I think that’s something you shouldn’t take lightly.”  
“Well, if you trust me, what holds you back from telling me what’s bothering you?” Now his heartbeat quickened.

“I don’t like speaking it. I always felt like if I do, it’s more likely to come true. I was in that situation for almost two years, Viktor. A lot of damage was done.” Yuuri’s lip quivered as memories started creeping in at, the once he wasn't sure he could handle thinking about. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“And you know I’m not going to try to fix you. I just want to stay by your side this time. I want to be supportive and comforting when you need me to be, loving and patient all the time… even if I’m not perfect, and most importantly, I want you to know that I’m here to listen.”

Tears pricked at Yuuri’s eyes from his words and he only wished he could hug him tighter. “T-Thank you… I love you so much, Viktor… I wish I could show you how much I do.”

“I know,” Viktor cooed, laying kisses down Yuuri’s neck, “I love you too, and with my whole heart, don’t you know that?”

Yuuri blushed, chewing on his lip for a moment while the words sunk in. “I do... and I promise I'll tell you what you want to know in the morning. Kiss me goodnight?" And just like that, words were forgotten as their lips glided together effortlessly. Because of Viktor's taste and beautiful touch, Yuuri managed to relax and fall back to sleep, and though it was already past one in the morning, he’d never woken up better rested. It was time to answer Viktor's questions.

~~~

After Viktor woke up just four short hours later, the two took a walk down by the canal with Makkachin. Yuuri patiently waited for the questions he'd allowed Viktor to ask.

The river water was so high it nearly licked onto the path, and Yuuri skipped rocks against it distractedly to keep himself occupied during the awkward silence.

"You can tell me to stop at any time." Viktor began, watching Yuuri's every move to search for some sort of cue.

"I know. Go ahead."

"Okay, well..." he took a deep breath. "Did you ever go to court over the whole situation? You should've gotten a lot of money for what happened."

"I was bribed by the defendant's lawyers to keep the charges limited. In return, they'd given me money to pay off half my pre existing medical bills and all the ones Brent caused." Yuuri responded evenly. He looked straight ahead. "I accepted because at the time, I wasn't mentally strong enough to defend myself anyway. I didn't want any trouble, I didn't even understand the questions I was asked. He was eventually sentenced to four years and community service or something."

"What charges did you press?"

"Aggravated assault under one circumstance." Yuuri knew this was wrong. He'd been violently assaulted in several different ways more times than he could count, not to mention basically being kidnapped. Had he pressed full charges, that man wouldn't have seen the light of day again. "It was a mistake, and I acknowledge that. I also signed a restraining order. He's not allowed near me when he gets out, but he probably will."

Viktor never broke his gaze or showed any expression at all. If he did, Yuuri would probably falter. "Do you dream about what he actually did or fears of what he could do?"

"In the beginning, it was what he did that gave me nightmares. But now, it's more of a fear that he's more than halfway through his prison sentence." Yuuri hugged his knees. "I wrote to you back then and he'd tear up the letters. If he ever saw you, he'd probably hurt you worse just to hurt me."

Sighing, he said no more on the story. "Any more questions?"

Viktor leaned crouched beside him and rested his hand on Yuuri's knee. "When we have sex... I've noticed you usually are very quiet and look almost upset... so does anything I do bother you or remind you too much of him? This has been killing me for a while."

"Not that I can think of." Yuuri smiled at him. "You're very gentle with me, but even if you got rough I know you're all about consent. I'd never worry about you raping me or anything like what he would do, if that's what you mean." _Did I just admit I got raped? Damn it. Quick, fluff his ego so he'll forget_ — "But I really enjoy sex with you, Viktor. It's nice. I wish we could do it more." I sound fake as fuck.

"I like it too." Viktor blushed clean up to his ears. "And I'm glad you enjoy it. But... if he did that to you, I have to be upsetting you in some way. T-There's no way I–"

Yuuri sighed, leaning his head against Viktor's shoulder. "Anything else?" That simple question told Viktor he needed to drop the subject right away.

"How on earth did you manage to finish university with a 4.0 GPA despite all that? I mean, judging by my estimated timeline, sure, you had your first year or two at university without him, but then he came in for the next two years and surely wouldn't that have ruined everything?"

"I had to take an extra year of courses anyway, so I just did the ones I was overdue on over the summer and the one after." Yuuri explained. "It was really hard on me, and the reason I had to repeat so much was from me missing half a semester from being in the hospital. But when I got back on campus, everyone pitied me and tried being as supportive as possible. I couldn't stand it— it was overwhelming and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I initially planned to become a college professor, so I was going to stay at university for a few more years, but I took what I could get when I saw a job opportunity with the lowest qualifications. I'd never been happier to leave that place." He looked up at Viktor. "That's why I don't want pity. I got quite enough of it before."

"Mm." Viktor stole a kiss from him. "But you're still hurting, and I think people naturally want to help others in that situation."

"It doesn't hurt anymore." Yuuri informed him. "Before, it would physically hurt to think about. Things are different now. I have a boyfriend who loves me and a steady job, friends, medications and therapy. I don't have time to linger on those events. Do they still scare me? Sure. But I know it's over now, and I have to keep reminding myself I'm safe during my bad days, no matter what my mind says." In referral to the previous night, of course. "I had an abusive boyfriend for two years. I escaped. And you know what? My story doesn't end there, does it? I don't want it to define me in the future... I want to be known for the good things I've done and experienced and loved... like you. Don't let me forget that."

"Trying not to." Viktor hugged Yuuri's waist. "What do you want me to be to you, really?"  
Yuuri looked up at him again and took a minute to really admire Viktor. He'd been so good to him over the past two weeks, and he seemed to only be getting more attractive with time. His favorite moments with him were when Viktor would simply light up over the slightest things; like how happy he was when Yuuri cooked dinner for him downstairs and then actually sat in the dining room and ate with him (it was dusty and looked abandoned. Yuuri could tell he never had guests,) or when he'd do what he was doing right now; being so tender and loving that Yuuri could barely stop himself from crying. Viktor really was a good man who deserved the world...."I- I just want you to be yourself, Viktor."

"Oh my goodness, Yuuri," Viktor beamed at this, "what did I ever do to deserve you?"

"I.. ah.." Yuuri's face turned a bright pink as he attempted to make words. "I meant to ask you the same thing." This man is unreal. "B-But Viktor— was that all you wanted to know for now? Can we put this behind us?"

"Just one last thing."

"Sure."

"You have to promise to tell me whatever's bothering you from now on."

"Okay. I promise." He quickly wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck, resting his chin on Viktor's shoulder. "You're the bet thing that's ever happened to me, Viktor. You've... ha, never mind. I don't want to get too gushy."

* * *

  
That was two hours ago, and now Yuuri couldn't stop thinking about it. The discussion went well, he had to say, and it looked like Viktor knew enough now to understand him a little better.  
After their walk, he also promised he'd leave the following afternoon to meet up with Yuuri at the beach. Honestly, Yuuri would prefer for them to go together, but he understood why they could not.

Just as Yuuri started to open his desk to find some strange flowers, his phone chimed.

  
Viktor: **Have a great day Yuuri!**

Yuuri: **Thank you!! <3**

He was just too sweet. Yuuri was head over heels for this man again already, but he didn't mind being this way. It was nice to love someone and be loved in return.  
It'd been a long time since he'd felt this way, too, and he assumed it was the same for Viktor. But these flowers? These were strange.

Sighing softly, he finished the rest of his paperwork before the kids would start pouring in. This would be a dreadfully long summer, long enough for him to find a new place to live and move in with plenty of time to spare since his job with the Plisetsky's concluded at the end of July.  
He wanted to live with Viktor, but he felt it was too soon to do so and didn't really want to ask or even live in that creepy old house. A modern apartment or condo far away from the river in a populated area sounded much more comfortable.  
He was getting ahead of himself.

Just then, Chris burst open the door with a dramatic flourish, cheeks pink from the heat. "Hey Yuuri! Was that you in Viktor's bed last night? You took my place.." He never disappointed Yuuri with his regular scheduled tease. He shut the classroom door so that nobody else would hear. "Slut. I need to talk to you."

"Was that you in the janitor's closet yesterday with the vice principal?" Yuuri smirked, resting his chin on his hand.

"Touché." Chris sat down on one of the desks. "Anyway, be on your best behavior today. Yakov's watching everybody like a hawk and rumor is there's going to be some downsizing before next semester, something about combining two classrooms because of lack of students. So... watch out."

"Well, I'll be the first to go then. Yakov hates me for whatever reason." Yuuri opened one of the drawers of his desk and tucked the papers away. "Say, anybody else hiring around here?"

"Rockdale High is hiring janitors."  
"Never mind."

"Hey, come on Yuuri, I think you'll be alright. They'll probably just take preschool off and lose Chulanont. He can go to Rockdale though, they've got the largest elementary school in the county and always need teacher's assistants."Who make way less...

"Does he know about all this?" Yuuri went ahead and wrote the date on the board.

"Yeah, I think the younger grade teachers have all been talking about it."

"And... do you think I'll still going to teach third grade when we get back?" Yuuri put on a smile when a student entered the classroom. "Good morning!"

"It's hard to say, Yuuri. I mean, I've personally been teaching fifth grade for three years, but sometimes they switch. Last year, Mickey taught kindergarten, next year he might do fourth. They like to switch."

"Well, I just hope I don't get your class! I like my students in this area very much. In fact, fourth grade would be a dream."~~~

"Good morning everybody!" Yuuri said brightly, "Happy last day of school! I'm sure you're all very excited to get on your way and get out of this hot building!" He lifted a closed box from the ground and put it on his desk. "We're pretty much going to have recess and watch movies for the next three hours, so don't worry about touching your books. First, though, remember that little project I'd been working on all year?"

Two dozen heads bobbed. "Great! So, when I call your name, come on up here so I can give you yours."

Yuuri called them in alphabetical order, handing each child one of the bracelets he'd weaved together. This had taken months, and he was proud of his work.  
Each child got their custom bracelet with their favorite color or pattern that Yuuri had picked up from observing them over the year. He wore one of his own; a plain, light blue.

After the children admired the work, questions began circling around about summer break and Yuuri thought he could have a moment's peace. That is, until he was asked a question. "What are YOU doing this summer?"

"Well, I'm going to keep teaching, but..." he decided that being it was the last day of school and maybe the last day of work for him forever— he could be honest. "My boyfriend and I will be living at the beach all summer, isn't that exciting? I'll have a whole car filled with seashells by the end of the trip." He hoped that diverting the boyfriend topic to one of shells that nobody would notice, and to his luck, nobody commented anything about that.

Good. Kids don't really care.

Soon enough, it was time to turn on a movie. He chose Finding Dory because it was the only thing on the shelf and it kept kids entertained. Then, he sat down and glanced at his phone under his desk.

Viktor: **date tonight before you leave? I heard a lot of the staff is going out.**

Yuuri: **fine. When and where?**

Viktor: **Berkeley. Some restaurant place has been rented out.**

Yuuri: **are you going to buy me a bouquet of roses too, Vitya? ;)**

Viktor: **You really want me to ruin the surprise? Anyways, I hope you have a good rest of the morning. Looks like I'm going to be running late, but I should be there by twelve thirty. Okay?**

Yuuri: **Alright, Casanova. I expect a rented limo as well!**

Viktor: **your wish is my command, but tragically I am just a school psychologist with limited funds.**

Yuuri: **haha, whatever. Get back to work, slacker.**

Viktor: **should be saying the same thing to you. Have fun, be careful and I love you, Yuuri Katsuki**

 _Why would I need to be careful_? He nearly sent. But hey, Viktor knew best. It was probably because of the extreme heat.  
Yuuri tucked his phone away and leant against his desk, watching the movie play out like he'd seen it a hundred times. He was feeling a little overly anxious today, and he couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was. He hadn't skipped a single dose of medicine in weeks, so why....  
Well, it could be due to the parent-teacher conference he had to attend regarding one of his students he was forced to hold back a year. Viktor would be there too, as well as the counselor and the principal and the guardian and—god, he didn't want to do this, but he was really left no choice.  
The girl still couldn't read and didn't know any of the material they'd been covering.  
And when the guardian received the report card, she was less than happy.

He snapped to attention when he heard voices in the hallway, but when they faded off he went back into his bored daze. It was a little too hot in the school today.

When the movie ended though, Yuuri had to snap out of it and act like the children had important things to do. He made them clean out their desks and scrub them from the inside out while he wiped down the chalkboard and began cleaning out the cubbies.  
_What if I'm the one that loses my job after today? I don't really want that— I- I mean I do, if a way better one came up and I was stable enough to live so far away on my own, but deep down I kind of don't want to stop working here.  
The school will eventually close. We'll all be separated. This won't last long. I can move if needed. I can..._

One of the children shrieked upon finding a moldy chocolate bar in the back of their desk. Yuuri had to take care of it, so he held his breath and disposed of it, beginning to feel nauseous from the smell. "No more food in your desks. I said that last October, last December and last February. Is anybody ever going to listen to me?"

"Why don't you go cry about it?" One boy (who looked particularly overheated) grumbled.  
"Michael." Yuuri warned. "Everyone back to their desks. I want to be able to hear a pin drop for the next five minutes until you get called to the hallway."

Yuuri paced the classroom, checking the time every now and then. These five minutes cannot go quick enough.  
"I've enjoyed teaching you all this year." He said upon returning to the front of the class. "I had a difficult time transitioning into everything, being that this was my very first year teaching, and I'm glad you all stuck with me. I hope I wasn't too mean. If I was, I hear Mr. Nekola is much more fun."

"You were pretty fun. Except on picture day." One kid chimed in.

"I was sick, so it was my fault for coming in. I couldn't miss it though, could I?" Yuuri sat at his desk. "Like I said, it's been a rough year. I just moved out of my house and I've always been kind of scared of moving, you know? I need a new place to live. What kind of house do you think I should get?"

"How about a castle?" A boy up front asked. 

"No, Mr. Cartski would want a cottage in the forest, I think!" _Wow... they still can't get my name right._

"How about a houseboat? My uncle has one of those."

"A treehouse would be the best. People make those now!"

Yuuri smiled. "I haven't decided yet, but those are all great suggestions. If I move into one, I'll let you know."

"Why don't you just move in with your boyfriend then? That's what my older sister did."

Fuck.  
"I like my own space, you know? I want to customize the place how I want it."

"Will it still be in town?"

"Probably. I don't want to drag on too much about me, though, this is about you guys! Everyone, line up! We're going to the cafeteria for ice cream."

  
~~~

Yuuri sat on one of of the empty tables, picking at the nasty-half melted ice cream while he watched the other teachers converse. He didn't want to talk to them right now; this nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach made talking seem like an invitation to vomit.

_Maybe if the school had a fucking air conditioner I wouldn't be sweating my ass off right now—_

"Yuuri!!!" Phichit called, slapping his hands on the table. "Are you coming tonight?"

"Coming where?" He asked, feeling a bit spacey.

"To the dinner, of course! Didn't you hear about it? You should bring a date. And by a date I mean.."

"I don't feel well..." he mumbled, turning away to quickly exit the room and find the nearest restroom.  
"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" Phichit followed him, which meant Yuuri couldn't go empty his guts. "Look... I've missed talking like we used to. I don't really know what went wrong, honestly."

"You screamed at me in the hallway for everyone to hear." Yuuri reminded him as he pressed his face against his hands, taking a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"What's wrong? I–"

"I just need a moment." He leant against one of the water fountains, letting the water splatter all over his face. "I faint if I get too overheated."

"We already lost the secretary this morning to it, so I understand. But when you're eight months pregnant and it's close to one hundred degrees outside, I'd probably faint too." Phichit gently touched his arm. "Sala has ice packs in the nurse's office. Come on."

Yuuri sat in the nurse's office now with Phichit, both with ice packs resting against their faces and trying to make some sort of conversational small talk.

"I'm sorry for what I said that day, Yuuri. I've said it before, and I'm going to say it now. I just want to be friends again. Will you ever forgive me?" Phichit's eyes had been closed for a long moment, but now he was looking right at Yuuri.

"I guess I've just been too busy to think about that day. A lot has changed since then." He shrugged.

"Like what?"

"Viktor and I have started dating." He admitted, feeling like a weight was lifted off his chest. "I lost my place because of damages, and I've been staying with him until I leave tonight for my summer job."

Phichit broke into a smile as he gently hugged Yuuri from the side. "Well then I'm happy for you, Katsuki. And he better treat you good too, because if not I know at least a half dozen people who would fight him for you."

Yuuri returned the smile, "He is good to me. It's been a long time since I've been in a relationship and I'm really happy." Okay... happy. That's a difficult word for him to use. He isn't entirely sure what happiness is, but because Viktor can make him smile, comfort and joke with him and make him feel normal, he supposes that's what being happy with someone feels like, but maybe not happiness for one's own self. Phichit doesn't need to know all that.

"That's wonderful! I hope the relationship lasts. You guys do look super cute together after all... hey! Is he coming with you this summer?"

"He is.." Yuuri lowered the ice pack from his face. "But he'll be there for the entire summer, and I'll be back the first week of August. I'm going to miss him. Uh... anyway, what about you? Are you going to bring anyone tonight?"

Phichit bent forward and grabbed a flavorless popsicle out of the mini fridge. "Eh, the art teacher asked if I was going to be there, but I guess that's not really a date. He's just so serious." He sighed. "Most people who work in this town are too old for me anyways, so I stick to myself. Except with Chris of course, but rumor has it he's engaged now, so obviously there's nothing between us."

"I never pictured Chris to be engaged." Yuuri swung himself off the cot. "Just don't drink too much tonight, alright? You were kind of wild at Emil's party."

"And Yuuri?"  
"Yeah?"

"Thanks for talking to me. I'll see you later..." Yuuri felt a strange wave of sadness come over him, but he wore the same smile as he left the room.

* * *

 

Yuuri never thought he'd feel any emotion when it was time for the children to go home. He hugged a few and said goodbye to each and every one, but when the classroom was empty and he knew he was done, he felt so relieved he might cry. And still he felt fear. That might've been his last class ever. And he had so much to clean.

Luckily though, he had Yuri Plisetsky's assistance and company during the lengthy period.

"So, what time do I need to be there tonight?" Yuuri unpinned the few remaining art projects from the art wall.

"Whenever. We usually leave pretty late. Can you be cool though and not assign a hundred homework projects a week? I'll have other things to do as well." Yuri pushed a desk out of the way to clean a stain from the floor.

"I intend on being rather generous. But if I'm not bringing you inconvenience, then what good am I?" The teacher smiled lightly. "I guess I'd need a second job."

"I know someone who's looking to hire an overnight sitter for the summer if you're serious." Yuri replied absently. "It's just a little brat baby, nothing too hard."

"Overnight? That sounds convenient. How did you learn about this job?"

"My next door neighbor at the beach called my grandpa last night and I overheard them talking about it. I could get you their number if you want." Plisetsky wiped the sweat from his face. "It's hot as balls in here."

"Well, I think I'm interested. Can you tell me a little more about the family?" Because watching a complete stranger's kid doesn't sound comforting.

"Okay, so," He sat down on top of a desk, "they're these two old people— I think my grandpa was in a war with the man, or something— and they bought their beach house like three years ago, so we spend our summers together. They had a daughter, and this is hush-hush, by the way, because she got arrested last June for armed robbery with her boyfriend. She had a newborn baby at that time and everything. She got sentenced to fifteen years or something because the guy actually killed the cashier, so she's the accomplice or whatever, and the baby got sent to the grandparents. I don't think he had a father. I can't remember the kid's name, though, something like John, Jason, Jacob? J—"  
"Jackson...?" Yuuri asked quietly.

"Hey yeah! That's what it was. Jackson. He's a real brat for a one year old, I can't stand him."

Oh my god... Yuuri's face turned pale for a moment as he tried to think of a logical explanation for the extreme coincidence occurring here between this child and....

" _His name is Jackson. He was born last June. He's got jet black hair like his mom did, and my eyes. That's the first thing I noticed about him. Do you know how weird it is looking at a miniature version of yourself?"_  
....  
"If I'd known about him before, I would've been there, I would've done everything I could for him, even if I didn't want him, you know? Because I was always taught that was the right thing to do. But it doesn't matter now. She got arrested like a week after he came home for armed robbery with her boyfriend."

"I'll take the job!" Yuuri said hurriedly. "Absolutely. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity." _Because I can meet this child, and then Viktor can. Even if he can't have custody, he'll have a chance to meet his son, and that's all he wants!_  
~~~  
When it came time for the meeting, Yuuri felt a little better as it'd started storming outside and drastically cooled the air. By the time he got near the small conference room behind Yakov's office, Viktor was the only one in there. It'd been so odd to walk down the abandoned hallway, which held so much life just hours before. It felt like he and Viktor and him were the last people on earth. "Hey." It took all he had not to talk about the baby.

"Hi. How'd it go?" Viktor had a lot of paperwork in front of him as he reviewed what he'd have to say to the guardian.

"Besides it being so hot, it was fine. I just cleared the classroom, so it really is over. I can't believe it." He stood near the door, unsure of where he was supposed to sit.

"Karen told me you were the best teacher she's ever had." Viktor turned to him and smiled. "Sure, the only teacher she's had, but still. You did well for your first year."

"T-Thanks." Yuuri ended up taking a seat near, but not next to, Viktor. "Um... also.. thank you for the flowers you left in my desk this morning. They were beautiful."

"What flowers? I didn't.."

"Alright, let's get this over with." The principal burst into the conference room, sitting at the very edge of the table in a hurry. "And Yuuri. We need to talk afterwards."

"Okay..." _That's it. I've lost my job. I lost my job. I..._  
"We're going to be putting you with the fifth grade next year. It'll be about that."  
What...?

"Yes, Mr. Feltsman." well, at least that gave him something else to think about other than the baby situation. 

* * *

 

In the end, the preschool program was the one to get cut. Phichit was out of work starting immediately, but everyone else was fortunate enough to kept their jobs. Guang-hong remained the kindergarten teacher, Emil went to first, Leo to second, Chris to third, Mickey to fourth, and Yuuri of course, to fifth. Fifth graders were terrifying.

By the time he arrived at the restaurant that evening (he'd gone over with Chris instead of Viktor— who promised to meet them soon), most teachers were already there and Phichit, the usual life of the party was sat glumly in the corner. A twinge of guilt surged through Yuuri, because he knew it should've been him that was fired, not Phichit.

So he sat with him right away. "Hey there, I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. You have a job. Don't." He murmured. "I just want to be left alone for a while."  
Something about Phichit's tone reminded Yuuri of himself just a few months ago. He didn't like it, to say the least. Phichit didn't seem like the kind of person to be depressed; he was always so happy. He didn't want to leave him alone, not like this.  
"I'm going to go get something to drink," he said to no one in particular, making his way over to the already packed bar. He pushed himself through enough to meet eyes with the bartender. "Can you help me out?"  
"Sure, what can I get for you?" He was cute. I mean, not Viktor-cute, but still pretty cute.

Yuuri ordered two beverages and carried them back to the table where Phichit had been sitting. He was still there, looking miserable. "My treat." He gave him the other glass. "Talk to me."

"It looks like I'll be unable to find a job in this county. Maybe if I were a white guy with a normal name, I would, but come on. I barely got this job, and I don't have a teaching degree like yours, I can only do preschool. I'm screwed." Phichit ignored his drink. "I don't know what to do... things have just been really bad for me recently."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Yuuri frowned. "Perhaps things will get better—"

"Don't start that bullshit with me, Yuuri! Things only get better for people like you who have a strong and caring boyfriend to sweep you off your feet! It ends here for me. I'll have to go back to school." Phichit grumbled, and even though his tone was harsh, his eyes looked lost and depressed. "I don't want to do that again."

"I think you can do it. I did."

"Because you're different than me. Stop thinking everyone's going to end up like you, because that doesn't happen here anymore." He slid out of the booth. Yuuri noticed his hands were visibly shaking. "Have a good life, Yuuri."

"And where do you think you're going??" Yuuri tried to follow him, but it was too crowded in the room. Phichit was lost.

That was the last time he'd see him for a while.

"Hey, sorry I'm late!" Later, Viktor sauntered to the table, taking the place where Phichit had been sitting. "Is this drink for me?"

"Yeah.." Yuuri averted his eyes and continued taking small sips from his cup.

"Is everything okay?"

He wanted to say yes, but that would be lying and Yuuri had made a promise that morning to be honest about his problems from now on. He sighed. "A really depressed man came over here and talked to me a minute ago. I felt awful because I couldn't help."

"Where?" Viktor's innocent, cheerful expression changed into something more fierce and protective. "I'll talk to him, I can..."  
"Don't. I took care of it. Just... don't take your eyes off of me. I don't want to think about that because the topic upsets me."  
And while Viktor scowled for a moment, he obeyed.  
Yuuri had four drinks by the time the waitress brought their dinner around, and another two after that. He knew he was tipsy, but this feeling was a whole lot better than feeling deeply anxious and upset over some feeling that Phichit might end up the way he did in senior year. What if... he tried to kill himself? It would be all Yuuri's fault, because he couldn't do anything to help him. He was such an awful person.

By his seventh, Viktor tried to take the drink away from him. "Come, you have to leave tonight."  
"Wha? Noooo, give it back you meanie!" Yuuri climbed across the table to attempt to take it out of Viktor's hands. "I'll only have one more sip, promise!"

"No, my love, you're already tipsy. I've asked the waitress to bring you water, and that's all you're getting for the rest of the night."

"That's not fair..." Yuuri whined. "Everybody else has a drink except me! Now they're probably staring." His eyes darkened as he scooted the rest of the length of the table and wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck. "But it's okay. I know you're just trying to protect me, but I'm drinking to feel better."

"Or something like that." Viktor mused, deciding to hug Yuuri's middle so he wouldn't fall over. "I want to ask you something, Yuuri."

"Mmm?" He nuzzled against Viktor's cheek. "You're so soft and smooth, I love it.."  
"Thanks, but Yuuri, please listen." He cupped his cheeks. "You said I sent you flowers earlier."

"Yeah, they were soooo sweet, but I'm not entirely sure daffodils were the right thing to use for a bouquet. You're such a goof!" Yuuri giggled mindlessly. "Why'd you choose those, huh? You know I like–"

"White roses. I know, and I wouldn't get you anything else. Yuuri, I didn't put those flowers in your desk. I couldn't have, since I wasn't at the school before you. We were together all morning, remember?"

Yuuri's mouth pinched into a straight line as his tipsy mind tried to put the new development together. "I-If you didn't... who would do such a ridiculous thing?" his eyes went wide, and for a long moment, he said nothing. But when he put it together, he scrambled off the table. "Oh, no, Viktor, Viktor, w-we have to leave, right now... we have to get out of here! I can't, I don't—"

"Yuuri, calm down. What's wrong?" He quickly dropped the payment for dinner on the table and chased after Yuuri, who'd already bolted outside. "Yuuri!"  
He found him yanking on the passenger seat door of Viktor's car, as if pulling hard enough would make it open without setting alarms off. "Unlock it! Hurry and unlock it!!"  
Viktor did him a favor and unlocked the door from the other side, ready to outright yell at him for causing such a scene.  
Phichit was the only one outside at the moment. He didn't acknowledge the couple and looked both wasted and terribly upset. If Viktor had taken a moment to stop and look, he might've noticed Phichit crying bitterly, over a lost love, lost job, maybe even a lost life? He wouldn't ever know.

But Yuuri wanted to leave, so he knew what he had to do.

Once they were on the road (Viktor just drove around the forest so that Yuuri could sober up and calm himself down from his likely irrational freak out), he decided to finally ask, "Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?"

Yuuri looked over at him, then slid across the the bench seat and hugged his arm. "He...you know him, he always left daffodils as an apology after our bad fights. He has to be out of jail now, Viktor... nobody else would know about that. I had daffodils growing outside my old place, he must've gone there and...I- I'm so scared."

"What was his name, Yuuri? Please tell me."

Yuuri swallowed hard, slowly taking breaths as Viktor parked his car near the Plisetsky residence. "Brent Cladwood. That's his name."

Viktor immediately recognized the name. He knew the face. He'd seen him.... "That's it. I'm calling the police." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, we are tracking down the baby and my son Phichit is upset. This can't be good. 
> 
> Coming soon, there will be an extended chapter that focuses on the past and I'm so pumped for you guys to read it, but I'm miles behind as you may have noticed. I wrote this amidst a mental breakdown and I'm not even sure it's good. Oh well! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Next time: Keeping secrets is something Yuuri used to be good at. But when his pupil begins sneaking out in the middle of the night and a certain infant is confirmed to belong to his beloved, how will he keep it to himself?


	10. Hiding My Heart Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Viktor and Yuuri suffer from miscommunication on their last day of the relationship, but Yuuri finds he's not strong enough to let go.  
> In the present, one of the group members appears to go missing and while attempting to rescue them, Viktor ultimately injures himself. The only problem is, Yuuri cannot get to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please listen to Hiding My Heart by Adele when reading the flashback portion. Please.

After graduation, Yuuri jumped off the stage into Viktor's arms and gave him a very deep, very passionate kiss. His heart had been soaring, how could he not?    
  
Viktor was embarrassed by the very random display of affection, and with the murmurs of disapproval around him, he decided to carefully put Yuuri back onto the grass and cupped his cheeks, "Do you want to go out for lunch? My treat. Let's get out of here."   
  
"What about the fair?" Yuuri asked, out of breath from the exhilaration. "You promised..."   
  
"Nah, you don't go to those things until night time. Come on. I have other things in mind." He tugged Yuuri by the arm.    
  
"Other things" turned out to be eating a lot more than just lunch.    
  
This wasn't really how Yuuri wanted the day to go; there was always time for sex and romance later on in the day. He wanted to go to the fair and enjoy it for once, do something fun to kick off his last summer before college.    
  
Instead, he was red faced and staring up at the ceiling of Viktor's car while his not-even-boyfriend fucked the life out of him. His clothes were someplace on the floor, but Viktor was still wearing his for reasons unknown. They were pulled off in the woods somewhere; it was hot, and Yuuri was growing uncomfortable.    
  
Viktor ended up pulling out and shoving his length directly to Yuuri's lips, something he wasn't entirely familiar with. "Um..?"   
  
"I've done what you wanted, so.. come on. Suck it."   
  
This is something that wasn't covered in sex ed...   
  
"I don't know how to, ahaha..." Yuuri's face felt so hot he thought he might get sick, but Viktor didn't back off.    
"You should try. You're too much of a virgin, trust me, I'm doing you a favor."   
  
"I-I don't know..." he stuttered, "I don't know if I..." apparently, Viktor didn't know that "I don't know" doesn't mean "shove it into my mouth".   
  
Yuuri gagged at first, hands trembling as he placed them on Viktor's hips. The older boy dared to thrust forward. Yuuri pushed back, "I want to stop now." His lips moved faster than his brain. Why did he want to stop? Because he felt disconnected. Viktor knew all along he wanted to go do something fun and pushed him into doing this.    
  
"Huh?" Viktor looked down at him, seemingly confused.    
  
"I'm not into it. I want to stop." He said flatly as he crossed his arms over his chest self-consciously.    
  
Viktor scowled, something completely unpleasant and unwanted as he zipped his jeans once more. "Well, what do you want to do then, your highness?" The harshness in his tone awakens something in Yuuri. He felt like he just woke up from a dream, that it was over and the false-sense of happiness was long gone.    
  
"I want to go home and find out why my parents didn't show up." Yuuri groped the floor for his boxers and quickly slid them back on. "And I might just go back to bed. I don't know, I'm tired." _And I feel like crying._   
  
"Whatever, Yuuri," Viktor shrugged, climbing back into the front seat. He was driving before Yuuri had a chance to get dressed. "Sleep if you want, but you're going to miss out on doing something fun, as usual."   
  
Yuuri didn't like this side of Viktor. He assumed he was just embarrassed, but still... "Will you come in with me?"   
  
"Why, so your dad can scold you again? I'll pass. Just..." Viktor took a deep breath, "I'll come back when you want to go to the fair."   
  
Yuuri didn't have the energy to protest. "Sure."   
  
The drive home was too silent. It would've been uncomfortable had it not been for the music coming from Viktor's stereo. He never touched his phone while driving, so whatever song came on stayed, no matter if he knew it or not.    
  
Today, it was an unfamiliar Adele song that made everything seem depressing for Yuuri. [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibWYROwadYs)   
  
_ I met someone by accident,    
who blew me away, blew me away...   
  
And it was in the darkest of my days,   
when you took my sorrow and took my pain,    
And buried them away, buried them away...   
_   
Yuuri rested his head against the window, letting his eyes close. It'd been the best three months of his life, he didn't want it to end here... but if Viktor didn't want him, then...    
"Viktor?"   
He really felt used.    
"Yeah.."   
  
_ I wish I could lay down beside you   
when the day is done _   
  
Yuuri wanted to say he loved him, but suddenly he felt as if that wasn't something he should tell him. After all, Viktor never said it back, so maybe it wasn't love. Maybe he'd been rushing into this all along.    
  
_ and wake up to your face against the morning sun _   
  
"You don't love me, right?"   
  
_ But like I've everything I've ever known,   
_   
"What?"   
  
_ You'll disappear one day. _   
  
Yuuri pinched his lips together, trying so hard not to cry as he repeated his question.    
  
_So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away._   
  
"Yuuri, we were never dating. You understand that, don't you?" Viktor was at the edge of Yuuri's driveway now, car parked in his usual spot for what could be the last time. "This was just a friends with benefits kind of thing, that's all."    
  
Yuuri knew it was coming, and yet when it hit, it still hurt just as much as it would've been for a person oblivious to reality. "Let's end this, then." His voice shook, and he didn't give Viktor time to react as he pulled the handle and fled from the car.    
  
"Yuuri, wait! What the hell are you talking about? _Yuuri!_ You know... I... listen! I do—"   
  
He didn't hear the rest.    
  
~~~   
"He's been locked in there since I got here." Mari sat on the front porch, speaking in a hushed tone to her mother on the phone. "I haven't told him yet, so I don't know what he's doing or why he's so upset."   
  
"You have to tell him, Mari. He deserves to know."   
  
And she knew this. But how could one tell their brother that the accident their father had been in was almost certainly Yuuri's fault? This wouldn't go well.   
  
"How's Dad doing anyway?" She queried to stall time.    
  
"He hasn't woken up yet, but I have faith he will. I'd like Yuuri to be there when it happens."   
  
Mari hung up the phone soon after and went inside to talk to Yuuri. His door was locked, of course, but as it was so old and flimsy, all it took was a light kick for it to pop open. Fuck knocking, this was her room whenever she wanted it.    
  
Yuuri didn't do so much as flinch when she walked in. He was under his covers despite the heat, quiet as a mouse. Mari ripped the blanket off to get a look at him. Just as she thought. "What did he do to you?"   
  
Yuuri was curled into a ball, quite obviously crying. His eyes were swollen and puffy and his entire face was generally splotchy and unattractive from the amount of crying he'd been doing. "Just go away..."   
  
"Not a chance, kid." Mari sat on the edge of the bed and gave him a gentle look. "Tell me everything."    
  
Yuuri sniffled, wiping the blackish tears from under his eyes. Some had already stained and he looked ridiculous. "W-We broke up. It's over." Saying it made everything worse for him; he made it a reality instead of a possibility. His face scrunched up and now he simply could not stop crying.    
  
Mari knew how much Viktor meant to him. She'd seen the change since the day they met, and understood there was probably a very good reason behind it, but still wanted to kick Viktor's ass for making her brother cry.    
  
She didn't know what to say or how to comfort Yuuri, especially with such dire news to break— no. She couldn't tell him, not like this.    
So she sat with him in silence for as long as he needed with an arm around his shoulders, trying not to care too much about the mascara stains on her new, white shirt.    
  
Finally after what seemed like hours, Yuuri looked up at her with the most heartbroken of expressions and uttered the words: "I had never been in love before... not like that. I don't know what to do without him."   
  
"You move on, that's what." Mari said in a neutral tone. "I know it hurts, and it's okay to cry a little, but life moves on. You'll find someone better."    
  
"B-but I don't want to find someone better." Yuuri whined. "I'll go apologize. I- I'm sure we can work this out."   
  
"Yuuri... we need to talk about something else first. Listen..."   
  


* * *

_ Today at 8:15 a.m., _  
  
Chrissy G: **Hey, Viktor. I know it's really early and you're probably busy, but I may have an emergency.**   
  
Viktor: **...?**   
  
Chrissy G: **I was supposed to take Phichit home after the party last night, but I couldn't find him. When I went to his house, he wasn't there either and he's not answering his phone.**   
  
Viktor: **hold on.**   
Viktor: **im kind of... im sorry, what??**   
  
Chrissy G: **are you still home? Maybe you can help me look for him. I'm really worried.**   
  
Viktor: **I have an exam in less than an hour. I'll meet you in Berkeley after.**   
\----   
_ Today, 10:52 am _   
  
Viktor: **_what was Phichit wearing last night and does anyone know where he might be? We have an issue._**   
  
Georgi: **I wasn't there until the end, and he'd already left. Sorry.**   
  
Milaaa: **I thought I saw Yuuri sitting with** **  
him, but I don't know. He was really quiet.**   
  
Mickey Mouse: **the downsizing hit hard on everyone. He looked devastated.**   
  
Chrissy G: **He's been acting really depressed recently too. I'm shaking, I don't know what to do...**   
  
_ Georgi added Yuuri to the group chat. _   
  
Georgi: **What was Phichit wearing last night?**   
  
LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!: **black button up shirt and slacks. What's going on?** **  
**   
Emilx: **^**   
  
Milaaa: **Should we look for him? He hasn't been active on social media since last night at around eight.**   
  
Viktor: **I'm going to be hiking along the canal to search for him. Chris, you check town, the rest of you spread out and keep calling.**   
  
LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!: **What can I do?**   
  
Viktor: **pray**.    


* * *

  
"Yeah, looks like I'm going to be late. I'm really sorry about this." Viktor had his phone pressed to his ear as he struggled to hear Yuuri with the rushing river pounding in his ears beside him.    
  
"Well did you pass the examination, at least?" Yuuri sounded groggy; the group messages had woken him from an awfully uncomfortable sleep. The night before had gone awfully for both of them; what with going to the police station to find out Brent Cladwood was a free man, to also being told that unless they have concrete evidence of him harassing Yuuri or breaking the restraining order, there's nothing they could do. Yuuri left with the Plisetsky's immediately after that, too distraught to be comforted and angry with anyone trying to touch him. He probably didn't even want to talk to Viktor at the moment, now that he thought about it. What was he doing?   
  
"Yeah, it's a piece of cake." Viktor sighed, "Sorry for waking you so early. I just wanted to let you know how late I'm going to be so you don't end up waiting around for me."    
  
"It's fine, Viktor." It didn't sound fine. "It's no rush. I'll just... change my plans a little. I'm sure you must be totally busy." Sarcasm? What the hell...   
  
"Yuuri, Phichit's missing. This isn't a fucking joke."    
  
"Why can't the police handle it?! Come on.." Yuuri snapped. "I just– I don't want to be alone right now and I know something bad will happen if you don't hurry up and get here, damn it!"   
  
"Yuuri, love, you haven't taken your medicine today, have you? Come to think of it, I don't recall you taking it yesterday either."   
  
"I forgot.." Yuuri's voice was much softer. "With all that went on, I– it just slipped my mind."   
  
"You'll feel better if you take it, you know that." Viktor paused briefly upon hearing a twig snap, but it just seemed to be a squirrel. "I'm going to stay on the phone until you take it."   
  
Yuuri mumbled something under his breath and unzipped his suitcase. Viktor listened to the medicine case pop open and the sound of pills falling out. Then, there was silence for a moment. "I took it."   
  
"Thank you for taking care of yourself." Viktor was close to the waterfall now. "I understand you're upset about him getting out of jail, it's completely plausible. But nobody knows where you're going for the summer except for me, and I won't tell anyone. I think you'll be safe. Besides, he won't want to tarnish his clean record now, would he?"   
  
"I guess you're right," Yuuri grumbled, "but I still think he'll try to see me and you wouldn't understand how frightening that is for me."    
  
"No, trust me, I understand. I just want you to try and enjoy yourself this summer, if that's even possible." He thought he could see someone down by the falls, but he couldn't be certain.... "Anyway, I'll call you later. I'm sure you're going to be busy today."   
  
"Not really. Oh! I should mention that I'm trying to get a second job; it'll just be weekday overnights for this little kid. I really need the extra money, and I hope you're okay with me doing that."    
  
Viktor so badly wanted to protest this and whine and complain about how unfair that is for their relationship, but he'd reached the waterfall, he saw... "...I gotta go."   
  
The line went dead.   


* * *

  
Yuuri initially didn't understand why the Plisetsky's chose a beach home so far north when the real heat came down south, but upon seeing the view from this northern New York Oceanside village, he understood it perfectly. It was simply beautiful.    
  
He had an attic suite— which doesn't sound all that appealing— but it was redone recently and separated from the rest of the house, and those were things Yuuri really liked. He also had a small balcony overlooking the ocean, and he'd dragged a chair out there so that he'd have a place outdoors to be alone and reflect. That sounded a lot deeper than it was, truly.   
  
Anyway, this week Yuri Plisetsky had his best friend staying with him and made it perfectly clear he wasn't interested in working on his schoolwork.    
  
After Viktor hung up on Yuuri when he told him about his second job, a poor disheartened tutor wandered down the steps to find his pupil playing video games already. "Yuri, your grandfather didn't want you playing video games today."   
  
"Sure thing," the teen replied.    
  
"Have you eaten yet? We could go out and get something from town." Yuuri suggested, walking over to turn off the TV.   
  
"Hey, stop! If you're so damn hungry, go yourself! Damn... get out of the way!"   
  
Suddenly Yuuri realized this whole tutoring thing was going to be way more difficult than he thought. "Yuri..."   
  
He was ignored.    
  
"Fine. I'll bring this up with your grandfather."   
  
"Pussy."   
  
Yuuri took a few breaths to steady himself. "Why don't we go down to the water?"   
  
"Can't. Have to be at the rink in an hour. And you're driving me, so don't stray too far." Yuri went back into his game with his eyes seemingly glazed over. He couldn't be more difficult this morning, huh?   
  
"And what am I supposed to do all day?"   
  
"What do I look like, your counselor? Go masturbate or cry about your pathetic life or something."    
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
Yuri removed the headpiece he'd been wearing. "Can you shut up? I'm trying to listen to Beka."    
  
Yuuri realized after observing for a few more minutes that the insults Yuri had been throwing weren't directed at him, but rather at his friend— Otabek was literally staying upstairs!!   
  
"That's enough." Yuuri unplugged the system and the TV for good measure. "Go outside for at least thirty minutes, Yuri. You're too pale. This isn't how you should be spending your summer!"   
  
"Yes Mom," Yuri slammed his controller against the ground. "Anything else? Want me to clean my room?"   
  
"I want you to calm yourself down, first of all." Yuuri frowned. "Go eat breakfast, get dressed, and then I'll drive you to the rink myself. You have thirty minutes, starting now."   
  
Yuri submitted, calmly walking out of the room and up the stairs. He couldn't argue a free, legal ride to the ice rink in an actual car.    
  
Yuuri exhaled. That was difficult. Yuri Plisetsky always seemed so much better behaved in a school environment, so this was something he had to get used to. Why did it feel like a century since he'd been a moody teenager? He was having such a hard time relating to Yuri, when in reality, he'd been far worse a brat during certain times; specifically upon making acquaintance with a certain somebody...   
  
He distinctly remembered crying and saying he hated his mother when she made him cancel an outing with Viktor in order to go to a wedding. _"You're ruining my life!!!"_ He'd wailed. How pathetic he'd been, but at the time it was serious business. Viktor probably thought he was such a baby.    
  
Now that he thought of it, presently he was only a little older than Viktor had been when they dated, and he thought of what a major maturity difference had occurred there. No wonder they broke up. Yuuri really did have the mind of a child back then.   
  
"Mr. Katsuki? Would it be okay if Beka came with us?" Yuri called from the top of the steps. "Please?" He added for good measure.    
  
"I suppose that'd be alright, but–" he was stopped by the doorbell ringing and quickly turned to answer without another thought.    
  
The woman on the other side of the door looked surprised to see Yuuri, as if she expected someone else. She was holding a small toddler's hand, but he didn't get a good look at him. "Have I gone to the wrong house? I mean– is Yura here? He promised to watch him today..." she motioned to the toddler. She was wearing nurse's garments and had a started car waiting in the driveway.    
  
"He's here, just upstairs. Uh, I'm his tutor. My name is Yuuri Katsuki."   
  
"I'm Joyce Briggs. My family and the Plisetsky's go to the beach together every year, and well, I don't usually come, but my mother needed help with this one until she could find a sitter... will he be able to watch him? I'm going to be late for my shift at the hospital." The woman was older than Viktor, but had a youthful glow and bright, shiny blue eyes like the toddler did.    
  
"Is this your son?" Yuuri crouched down to get a good look at the baby.    
  
"No, it's my nephew. Say hi, Jackie," she ushered. The boy hid behind her leg. Jackie...   
  
"It's okay, I'm shy too." Yuuri smiled. "I'll take him to Yuri for you. What time should we bring him home?" He knew Yuri wouldn't be watching this kid. It'd be up to him.   
  
"Around seven would be fine. Thank you..."   
  
It took a while for her to pry the child from her leg, but not an eternity once he saw Yuri Plisetsky lugging his skating bag down the steps. He warmed right up after that.   
  
"Would you like to explain why this child is here, Mr. Plisetsky, and what I'm supposed to do with him while you're skating?" Yuuri eventually snapped at the teen after the woman disappeared down the driveway.   
  
Yuri Plisetsky looked like a deer in the headlights for a solid five seconds. "Crap, I forgot about him.. I promised this like weeks ago. I'm sorry..."    
  
"Well, it's too late to turn back now. He'll have to come with us, won't he?" Yuuri folded his arms. "So run over there and find a car seat for him. I'll be waiting."   
  
It was an awkward car ride, to say the least, mostly because nobody talked. Yuuri was trying to figure out what he could do with this child for three hours while the practice was going on. What if he needed a nap? Did he have any allergies? And what if Viktor showed up, how would he explain?   
  
Just looking at this child, he knew it was Viktor's. It was terrible. When he laughed, his eyes shone just like Viktor's, right down to the exact shade.    
  
And he certainly caused just as much trouble. Still... this could all be a wild coincidence... right? Viktor couldn't know.    


* * *

  
Viktor usually rode up front in an ambulance, and on the rare occasion he sat in the back, he was usually the one doing all the work, so being tended to was a completely new concept. His mind felt fuzzy from shock and the pain medicine that he'd been drugged up on.    
  
He'd only been saying the same sentence every few minutes on the long ride to the hospital, and he knew by then every paramedic was ready to kill him. He opened his eyes once more, peering around the brightly lit car at the youngsters who had him in their care. It was too bright, too noisy with all that ringing in the air. The slightest bump in the road, or an additional sound adding into the ringing made his killer headache even worse. "Please don't tell him," he repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.    
  
"Yeah, don't worry about it, sir. You're going to be fine." Who said that? He couldn't figure it out. What were they even saying? Where was he again? Above the ringing, he heard a siren... right. He was... uh....   
  
He wanted to ask if Phichit was alright, but he just couldn't seem to form any other words besides... "Please don't tell him."   
  
"Mother of god."   
  
He closed his eyes once again. What happened to Phichit, and why was he in so much pain at the moment? Come on, there was something about this in his examination this morning— that was this morning, wasn't it? Headache, confusion, memory loss, ringing in the ears, nausea.....   
Concussion.    
  
"Oh god.. please don't tell him."   
  


* * *

  
  
Chris: **Hey Yuuri, you have a second?**   
  
Yuuri didn't notice his phone because he'd had it off for a few hours. He was in the kitchen looking for something to cook for dinner after a long and rather stressful day of childcare. That, and his mood turned rather sour when Viktor never showed up or answered any of his calls.    
  
_ Why would he be so mad about something so stupid? We'd still have every morning and weekend together! And he knows how much I need the money. I don't understand... _   
  
"What's for dinner?" Yuri appeared in the kitchen after his prolonged absence. He'd been "outside at the beach", which was actually him going to an arcade with his friend, but nobody was going to say anything about it.   
  
"I just might have to order pizza. We'll have to go out grocery shopping in the morning; there's practically nothing here." Yuuri shut the empty cabinets. "Do you know a good place to order from?"   
  
"I think their number is on the– yeah, here." Yuri tossed him a menu that'd been on a magnet. "Order whatever, I'm too hungry to care."   
  
"Okay I guess... could you bring me my phone then?"   
  
For once, Yuri did as he was told and slid the phone across the counter. "Make sure you order a soda too. Anything but that Mountain Dew stuff."   
  
Yuuri nodded as he powered on his phone. He was beyond shocked to find 7 missed calls and more than 30 messages from various people, none of them being Viktor. His blood ran cold. "Um.. I need to make a phone call first." _Please answer please answer please answer_   
  
_ "Your call has been transferred to an automatic voicemail—" _   
Damn it!   


* * *

  
  
"Please don't do this." Viktor had been about ten feet from the rocks that stood as the only barrier between the river flowing into waterfall and the current standing place for a Phichit Chulanont.    
  
"You think I want to?" Phichit asked when he got closer. "I'm just standing here, Viktor. Leave me alone." Judging by the way his voice slurred and the several empty alcohol bottles beside him, he was drunk. If he fell, especially with how the water was overly flooded right now, he would not survive.    
  
"Come down from there, it's not safe." Viktor crept a little closer. "Everyone's looking for you."   
  
"Oh yeah, I'm sure they were." He looked back at Viktor. "Or were they too busy celebrating about keeping their jobs? Everyone's selfish, I've realized that now. They only care about themselves."   
  
"Then what about me, huh? Why am I here?" Viktor was standing directly behind him now, close enough to yank him backwards if he started to fall.    
  
"You're just as selfish as the rest. You're only here to show Yuuri how good a man you are so he'll give you a blowjob under your desk."   
  
"You're drunk, aren't you? How much did you drink exactly?" He stepped up onto the ledge beside Phichit. The water roaring beside them was sickening, and he thought— just how much it would hurt to fall.   
  
"None of your fucking business, Viktor!" Phichit stumbled on a loose rock, nearly losing his footing had Viktor not grabbed the back of his shirt. That was too close.    
  
"Let's get down from here and get you home, okay? I'm sure if you sleep, you'll feel much better."   
  
"Why, so you can tell everyone you saved a life?" His shoulders heaved. "You're no saint. Calm your tits."    
  
"What do you have against me, Phichit? I barely know you. What could I have possibly done?" Viktor scowled. Had he not been a good person, he would've just allowed Phichit to stay back up there and go home. Damn morals...   
  
Phichit stared out at the water. "I was in love with Yuuri before you came back to town."   
  
"W-What...?" On one hand, it made perfect sense, b-but...!   
  
"You ruined everything for me, and I want you to get the hell away, right now, before I take you down with me." Little did he know how his words would take action.    
  
Viktor was too shocked to process what was being said by the time the rock slipped from under them.   
  


* * *

  
  
Yuri Plisetsky thought the pizza guy was hot. Otabek slapped him for it. Then they went and played video games, because their life was carefree and happy and the sole person they cared about wasn't missing and quite possibly dead after a terrible accident near a waterfall. Yuuri couldn't find the stomach to eat. How could he? Nobody knew where Viktor was.    
  
_ Please be alive please be okay please be okay please be okay... _   
  
The baby was asleep on his shoulder, drooling onto him while Yuuri frantically dialed Viktor's number over and over again, never leaving a voicemail in hopes he could call faster.    
  
Finally, after he'd been calling for over thirty minutes, he left a message. "Hey, it's me... I'm really worried about you. Can you please call me back so I'll know if you're okay?"    
  
"Everything alright, Mr. Katsuki?" Yuri called from the kitchen as he reached for another slice of pizza.    
  
"He won't answer.. I'm about to drive over there myself!" Yuuri dropped his phone onto the counter.    
  
"That's six hours."    
  
"I'm really worried!" He protested. "He's not like this."   
  
"Call his mom or something, then." As if Viktor wasn't a twenty something year old man and still lived with his parents. But still, it was something.    
  
"I don't have her number, but... no, yes I do." Viktor had given it to him in case there was ever an issue with Makkachin when he wasn't there. They were extremely protective over that dog. He quickly went into his contacts and scrolled until he found Mrs. Nikiforov's number and dialed without a second thought. Ringing, ringing, ringing....   


* * *

  
Viktor was the one that'd gone tumbling down the ledge. He pushed Phichit out of the way just in the nick of time and disappeared before Phichit could try to grab his hand. It all happened so fast, he had to wonder if it really happened at all, but...   
  
"N-No!" For that moment, Phichit thought he should've felt relief. After all, with Viktor gone, he could have Yuuri to himself and be the shoulder he cried on while he grieved. It's something he'd been thinking about for hours.    
  
But a stronger thought beat that one. Which contradicted: "I need to save Viktor so that Yuuri will be with the one he loves! I have to do whatever it takes to make him happy!" And with that, Phichit ran down towards the boating ramp to search for Viktor's body. He knew it was probably too late, but he had to try.    
  
_Yuuri loves him more than anything. I didn't deserve to get in the way of that._   
  
He turned towards the waterfall and gasped at something he hadn't noticed before. Under the rocks Viktor had fallen off was a very, very slender ledge, soaking wet and likely slippery from the water.  Viktor had gotten there somehow, by God's will alone. He was unconscious, bleeding, but he could still be alive.    
  
_Viktor saved my life. A selfless act without a second thought. I guess I was wrong._ He pulled out his phone and quickly called for help.   
  
_ Viktor really is a good man. He'd take good care of Yuuri, and I guess one day I'll learn to accept that that's all I want.    
  
Still...   
_   
~~~  
  
"Vitya, darling, do you think you can talk? Someone's on the phone for you." Viktor's mother was his only visitor in the hospital that day. She'd dropped everything to be by her precious youngest's side, and knew that a certain someone who'd been calling him wished he could be.    
  
"Where am I?" Viktor asked for the umpteenth time that day. It was the only question he'd asked during his moments of consciousness. Everything looked blurry and "wrong", as he'd described it to his doctor.   
  
"You're in the hospital, son. You saved that young man's life by the waterfall and ended up hitting your head, and somebody's very concerned about you.." she fussed over him, pulling the blanket up over him to keep him warm.    
  
"Mom? What are you doing here?" He blinked a few times. "This isn't my hospital."   
  
"I made them transfer you to a bigger one with a better doctor so they could check to make sure your head's okay, sweetie. You can leave tomorrow, apparently it's just a mild concussion and you are going to be alright." She explained, smoothing the hair from his face. "Do you want to talk to Yuuri? He's been calling.."   
  
"Yuuri? Is he here?" He tried to get out of bed, but she pushed him back down. Still, he looked around the room frantically to her amusement.    
  
"No, rest dear.. he's on the phone." She pointed to her cellphone, then decided to push it against his ear. "Say hello."   
  
"Yuuri? How did you get my mom's phone?" His voice was sluggish and barely comprehensible, but Yuuri couldn't have been more relieved.    
  
"Oh, thank god you're alive, baby... I was so worried! What happened?" Yuuri tried to sound as calm as possible, but his voice was shaking uncontrollably.    
  
"I can't remember..." Viktor murmured, touching his bruised head. "Will you come here?" Tears pricked as his eyes from frustration regarding how confused he was at the moment.    
  
"I wish I could be there right now, but I'm with the Plisetsky's in New York, remember?" Yuuri said softly, "But tomorrow morning, I'm going to meet your mother halfway and bring you here to stay with me. We'll be together soon, I promise..."    
  
"I don't understand... why can't you come now?"   
  
"It's a six hour trip, sweetheart... I'd do it, but I'm working." Viktor didn't respond, too perplexed in his current state. "Do you want me to stay on the phone until you fall asleep?"   
  
Viktor apparently just nodded as if Yuuri could see him.    
  
After Viktor's mother explained what he did, Yuuri had to laugh, but he felt more like crying. "Goodnight, baby... you better be good to your doctors. Don't give them any trouble, you hear me?"   


* * *

  
That night, long after everyone had gone to bed, Yuuri cried himself to sleep solely due to the belief that it was his fault for not being with Viktor that morning. He didn't have the entire story yet, but it sounded like Viktor slipped on some rocks and fell into the river or something along those lines. He had a mild concussion and a dislocated shoulder, but he was okay enough to leave by the following morning, apparently getting his discharge papers at around three. Yuuri would be up at four to make the three hour drive to pick up Viktor from his mother and take him up to the New York beach house to rest. Mr. Plisetsky and Mrs. Nikiforov were friends; they'd done some talking about the situation and Viktor was permitted to stay until he recovered. Yuuri wished he could stay forever instead.    
  
He felt so guilty for not being there at the moment it happened, for not being at the hospital, for just... it was heart-wrenching.   
  
Yuuri: **if you can read this when you wake up, know that I'm thinking of you and I can't wait to see you...**   
  
Yuuri: **I love you.**   
  
  
_ Today, 5:32 am _   
  
Viktor: **i love u more**   
~~~  
"Viktor read your text last night and actually cried. He always gets overly emotional when he's injured." Mrs. Nikiforov and Yuuri ended up meeting at a gas station in Pennsylvania somewhere far from any major city at just past seven the following morning.    
  
Yuuri would've been exhausted had it not been for the several cups of coffee he had ingested and the amount of sugary foods he'd forced himself to eat. There was no way he'd stop to rest, not until Viktor was safe and sound in his arms.    
  
Viktor was still out of it, but expected to make a full recovery in a few days, Mrs. Nikiforov had explained. He needed plenty of rest and to take a strong headache medicine several times a day, but he'd also need to make an appointment with a doctor soon as a follow up.  The moment he saw Viktor, he couldn't help but throw his arms around him tightly and silently thank whatever god was out there for keeping him alive. Judging by the story Mrs. Nikiforov told him, Viktor should not have lived.   
  
She did look at him oddly for a while as if she wanted to ask what affiliation he had with her son, but for reasons unknown she kept her mouth shut about it. "Please have him call me when he's feeling better; his father too. Make sure he stays off his feet."   
  
Now they were on their way back up to New York and Yuuri believed everything was going to be alright. "Do you want something to eat? We could stop somewhere." He offered, resting his hand on Viktor's knee. "No?"   
  
Viktor shook his head slightly, never opening his eyes from his overly-drowsy state thanks to the medication from the hospital. The side of his face was purplish from the bruising and he looked almost unrecognizable from this angle. It made him angry to know that he'd been hurt, he'd...   
  
"Get some sleep then, okay? I'll wake you when I get there." If I find out who caused this, I'll kill them. Viktor is hurt because of someone stupid. He didn't deserve this!   
  
~~~   
  
"Careful, careful.." Viktor gripped both of Yuuri's hands as they went up what felt like endless stairs in an unfamiliar house.    
Had he been more aware, he would've noticed all the people staring at him from the time he got out of the car to when he reached the attic stairs, but he looked straight ahead the whole time.    
  
"I'm tired. I want to go home." He mumbled, leaning back against Yuuri. "Let's go home."    
  
Yuuri felt his cheeks turn pink at the term "let's go home", like Viktor's delusional state believed that "home" was with Yuuri now. That sounded like a dream.    
  
He opened the attic door and led Viktor over to his bed; he'd washed and remade his bed (several times) and searched the house for extra pillows to ensure his comfort. He pulled the blanket back and eased Viktor into a sitting position. "Do you want to take your medicine now?" He asked.   
  
"I want to go home." He repeated blankly.    
  
Yuuri was ready to crumple up and cry. "T-That's not what I asked, Viktor."   
  
"I know that." Came the sleepy reply.    
  
"Next time, try answering my questions so I know you're okay." Yuuri tucked him in and laid a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I have to go work now, but I'll be back to check on you soon. Medicine's beside the bed if you need it."   
  
"Okay." Viktor squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "Will you come back?"   
  
"Viktor, I just–" he took a deep breath. "Yes. I'll be back."    


* * *

  
  
Weary from a long and miserable day, Yuuri slipped under the covers and tried to fall asleep, but his eyes refused to shut.    
  
This wasn't how he imagined his summer.    
  
Tears once again formed in his eyes, and what was the point of fighting them off? Viktor was knocked out on pain medicine. He wouldn't wake up for anything.    
  
"I wish I knew what you did... I'm sure it was something brave, asshole... b-but..." he wiped his eyes, "I met your son yesterday. He looks just like you, and he's probably the sweetest kid I've ever met. Damn it, Viktor, what if you died? You'd never get the chance to meet him... and that's what you want, isn't it? So you have to stop being so goddamn selfless."   
  
Viktor didn't respond, of course. His only movement was his chest heaving up and down slowly.    
"If you... if you can just heal quickly.. I'll– I'll find a way for you to see him. I promise. Just get better, please. If you die... I'll have nothing left. You can't do that."   
  
"I.. just hit my head." Viktor mumbled in a sudden half-awake state. "'m not dead."   
  
Yuuri gasped, practically throwing himself onto his lover. "But you nearly did.. what happened?"   
  
Viktor hugged back weakly, laying a kiss on Yuuri's forehead. "I'm.. having a difficult time remembering. I think I… was swimming? No, that's not right. There was water, and I fell. That's all I know."   
  
"That's okay, sweetheart... I'll try to fill you in when more information comes out. Apparently you were found on a ledge by the river. You did fall, but of course your mother wouldn't tell me anything because she doesn't know me well enough."   
  
"My mother was there?" Viktor squinted up at the ceiling, wracking his brains to try to come up with an answer. He knew that someone was there, but it couldn't have been his mother. She lived in Virginia, almost an hour away. She wouldn't come for no reason.   
  
"She was with you at the hospital, yes, and  she drove you to me this morning. You don't remember that, huh?"   
  
"Not at all." He laughed sheepishly, wincing when he moved his shoulder the wrong way. "I'm a wreck."   
  
"I know, and I'm going to take care you until you're better."   
  
His eyes were shut once more as he began to doze off.    
Yuuri laid his head on Viktor's chest so he could focus on his heartbeat instead of his thoughts and found himself a lot more tired than he originally thought.    
  
"And don't cry anymore, Yuuri," Viktor added, "I can't stand it."   
~~~  
Yuuri slept well that night, but thoughts still lingered regarding Viktor's incident as he tried to figure out what might've caused it. Could he have been pushed? Why was he on the water like that? Someone had to have caused this. What if it was Yuuri's abusive ex? It wasn't likely, but he assumed it'd happen eventually.   
  
He knew Viktor would be safe here, though, and Yuuri would make sure of it too.    
  
Viktor only woke up once in the middle of the night complaining of another headache, and honestly he was a lot easier to care for than most people were when injured. He was an expert in emergency medical care and could pretty much take care of himself, which was a big plus for Yuuri; as he didn't really know what he was doing. ("Your head hurts? Didn't you take your medication?" He'd ask.    
"Of course I did. It still hurts." Viktor replied.    
"Oh, well that's too bad.")   
  
His phone rang early the next morning, though, and finally, his questions would be answered about Viktor. He couldn't have been more relieved.   
  
"Mm.. hello?" He couldn't keep his eyes open for long. The curtains were rolled down and next to no sunlight could peek through at them. It felt like the middle of the night.    
  
"It's Phichit. We need to talk... it's about Viktor."    


* * *

  
_ "After our fight in the hallway, I got really, really depressed. I couldn't stand having to stay away from you. But you know I was just worried about you, right? I mean, who wouldn't be?" _   
  
Early morning kisses always felt nice. Being pressed up against Viktor's front, feeling the heat of their skin against each other... that felt even nicer.    
  
_ "And Viktor started being friendly with you, then he wasn't. That off and on scenario that played out between you two was probably the most confusing for me, but I still thought... I..." _   
  
Yuuri tried to be careful, to make every touch be as gentle as possible, but damn it, he needed him. After all that happened over the past seventy two hours, there was no way he could just sit there calmly.    
  
_ "I thought we could have a chance. But then, just last week... I saw you two together at a coffeeshop downtown, and God, the way you looked at him was something I'd never seen from you before." _   
  
Yuuri wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck as he sat in his lap, sunlight peering in through the open window and reflecting off of his beautiful, bruised face. He'd become more alert this morning, and when he'd found Yuuri already awake and looking rather distressed, he tried to help...   
  
_ "The truth is, Yuuri Katsuki, I've been hopelessly in love with you since last August and I was having a hard time letting you go until Viktor saved my life and proved he was worthy for you." _   
  
"Viktor... I hope you understand how worried I was about you." Yuuri told him as he slipped his tee shirt off. "You scared me, but I'm proud of you for saving somebody's life."   
  
Viktor smiled crookedly. "It's instinct, but I didn't think about a chance of me getting hurt. If I'd known the risk, I probably... I mean... if it were you..." Viktor was blushing now as he pushed their lips together for another kiss until Yuuri stopped him.    
"No, no! I want to hear what you would do!" Yuuri whined playfully as he scooted a little closer in the other man's lap. "Tell me?"   
  
"I'd choose your life over mine in less than a heartbeat, Yuuri." He said with utmost confidence. "I wouldn't have to think twice, ever. You're too important to me, and I'm not going to lose you again, to anything."   
  
"How is it possible you would think that way about me?" He whispered.    
  
"Because...."   
  
Because Viktor had taken him from that parking lot when Yuuri was crying alone after being stood up.    
Because Viktor stayed with him at his apartment during his worst of times and never made too forward of a move. He waited for Yuuri's heart to be ready.    
Because he did everything in his power to find Yuuri help for his conditions and supported him through the treatment process.    
Because even though he was upset with him, Viktor helped Yuuri with his cut that awful night at Mickey's beach house and comforted him over the next few days whenever he needed to cry.   
"Because I love you."   
Viktor loved him. He was a genuine, good man who didn't deserve to be hurt, but didn't mind being that way if it meant someone else didn't have to be.    
  
A man that good deserved an award. "Viktor..." Yuuri lifted his face from the crook of his lover's neck. "Tomorrow morning, I'm going to take you out with me while I get interviewed for that night job I told you about? We'll go out for breakfast before, and also, um... there's someone I think you should meet."   
  
"Mmhm?" Viktor had no idea what he was in for. "Okay. I'm in." Their lips crashed together again, something both sweet and desperate. Had Yuuri known him a little longer, he probably would've proposed marriage on the spot.    
_  
"I'm not going to see any of you after this, Yuuri. I think it's better this way. It's my fault Viktor got hurt, and everyone knows it too. It won't be considered an accident— I could've grabbed his hand, but I didn't. I let him fall." _   
  
Yuuri couldn't cling to Viktor's shoulders like he wanted, one was sore from being overused and the other was injured, so he held onto his waist instead. Viktor was allowing him in his lap now, good side of his face pressed against Yuuri's shoulder. It was quiet, and it was peaceful. "Please hold me tighter, Viktor," he begged, "don't let go.."   
  
"You always ask me that." Viktor chuckled. "I'm not leaving you! I. Am. Not. Letting. Go." With every word he left a kiss on a different part of Yuuri's face.    
  
"Okay, okay! Gah..." Yuuri wanted to smile, but again, crying seemed more likely. "L-Let go... I'm ticklish there!"   
  
"Not until you say you believe me!"    
  
"Okay, okay, you're not leaving me, you're not letting go," Yuuri repeated, face flushed a light pink. "Stubborn ass." _I hope I get to spend he rest of my life with you_. "I hate you so much!"   
  
His body said otherwise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL WELL WELL WE'VE GOT LOTS OF FUN COMING UP KIDDOS AND HOHOHO  
> The real life location of the chapter is a dam-turned-waterfall near my house but I didn't want to actually list it for obvious reasons ;)  
> It's not like the Niagara, but it's about a twenty foot drop, and when flooded, it's terrifying. It's also as wide as the river itself, so that's nice.  
> I feel terrible for all my suffering children, but like I said before, we've got some fun coming up. Comment what you think!
> 
> Next time: "Oh, he's cute. What's his name?" Viktor barely acknowledges the infant in the stroller in favor of gazing at Yuuri. "And can you take him home? I was hoping we could talk in private."


	11. I'll Be Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Yuuri visits his dying father in the hospital, filled with guilt.
> 
> In the present, he spends the summer at the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *raises fic from the dead*
> 
> I KNOW it's been a long time, and I've come up with various excuses, but the real reason is Scarlett; Lounge; Candlestick taking up all my time and energy. Now that the fic is completed, I can spend more time on this one!
> 
> I've missed you guys! xxx

June, 2011

Yuuri had been fantasizing about his graduation ever since he met Viktor and knew of the carnival coming that evening. He looked forward to going on a ferris wheel for the first time, eating so much cotton candy- which always looked so delicious- he’d throw up, go into the haunted house so he’d have an excuse to hold onto Viktor, and just… just feel alive.

Now, the whole idea seemed to have been destroyed. Yuuri seldom looked up from his hands. He and his sister and Emmett were in his truck on the way to the hospital to see his father. Oh, but he didn’t  _ want  _ to go. He knew that this was all his fault, that if he’d only listened to his father, perhaps the accident never would’ve happened. Maybe he would have died instead.

And he wouldn’t need to think about the fact that he and Viktor had essentially broken up. He’d be dead. Viktor’d just move on. That’s the way it should be.

“Hey Yuuri,” Mari peered at him from the passenger seat. “There’s something else we need to talk to you about.”

“Sure thing,” Yuuri closed his eyes, leaning against the window. If he imagined hard enough, he could picture himself in Viktor’s car, rolling down the back roads of the open country… 

“Dad’s going to be transferred to a medical center in Washington, DC,” she started, seeming apprehensive about something… “And Mom’s asking that you go with them. They’re moving there for a while."

“They?” Yuuri didn’t even care. Nothing mattered. His father could be dying because of him. Viktor was gone. Why should he feel anything?

“Yeah, we’re not coming, buddy.” Emmett chimed in. Why did he call him buddy? Yuuri wasn’t a child. Did Viktor see him as a child too, then? Is that why their relationship didn’t work out.  “I’ve scored a job in Ohio.” 

“We’ll see how long that lasts,” Yuuri muttered. “Anyway, why does Mari have to come?”

The pair exchanged glances, and Mari finally spoke up. “Well… you can’t tell Mom this, but I just found out I’m pregnant.” 

****

Yuuri was allowed into the hospital room first. His father was attached to too many machines. His eyes were open, partly, but he knew that even if he was awake, he wouldn’t be talking. Yuuri was here to do that part.

He sat by the bed, wrapping his trembling fingers around a bar on the bedside. “D-Dad…”

His eyes trailed over to Yuuri’s, but his face remained expressionless. 

“I’m so sorry for what happened… t-this is all my fault, isn’t it? If I h-had just come with you when you asked instead of being so stupid, none of this would’ve—”

His father looked away.    
“If I ever even thought I knew what hating myself felt like before, I sure as hell know how it feels now.” Yuuri cried softly. “I’m sorry, Dad… I’m sorry…” 

Had it been worth it, defying his father? What had he gotten out of it? Viktor probably wouldn’t ever speak to him again. Oh, he wished he would come here… 

Everything should’ve been fine… 

_ Oh, why did I have to go on that stupid trip! I wish I didn’t! Why can’t I go back and change this?  _

After crying out every emotion he’d felt over the past four months, Yuuri was able to meet his father’s eyes. “You have to live, okay? I’ll never… never do anything like that again. It was so foolish of me.”

The older of the two startled Yuuri by shaking his head. 

Yuuri shook his head. “I told you I could do whatever I wanted now because I was so mature— hah... ha… I’m nothing but a child, Dad! I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m going to do if you don’t make it! This is all my fault and- and I’m the one that should be in this bed, not you! Let me take your place!”

“Yuuri.” His mother called sharply. He turned to find her at the door, and she wasn’t alone, either.

To his surprise, Viktor was there. He came back… 

“Viktor…” Surely, Yuuri must’ve looked terrible. He was a blubbering mess losing his dad after all. But Viktor didn’t seem to care. He opened his arms, offering a hug. And Yuuri scattered across the room, throwing himself into them. “You came back… oh this is all my fault….. you came back.”

He didn’t make much sense. He didn’t need to. Viktor understood from the moment he’d gotten the call that Yuuri needed him for the night, even if they were never going to see each other again after he moved. He had a duty to fulfill, one last time. 

Viktor led him into the waiting area and sat beside him on a stiff bench. “Hey, it’s not good for you to stay here all night.”

Yuuri had his eyes closed, leaned against Viktor’s shoulder. “I don’t want to go home.”

“It’s probably best, love. You’re exhausted. Let me drive you home. I’ll even stay until you fall asleep.”

“No..” Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears once more, “y-you promised me…”

“What? Promised you what, Yuuri?” 

“The… the carnival. You promised we’d go together… please.”

How could he say no? Viktor pressed a kiss to the top of Yuuri’s head, heart heavy. “Of course…”

* * *

June, 2017

“Have you ever thought much about the future?” Yuuri was sprawled on his back against the sand, gazing up at the night sky. Viktor was laying beside him with his eyes shut, and it seemed for a moment as if he had fallen asleep.

“I hardly even think about what I’m going to wear tomorrow morning, Yuuri.” He replied, lacing his fingers with Yuuri’s. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason, really. I was just… thinking about mine.”

“Yeah? Want to share the details?” 

Yuuri sighed, glancing over at him to find Viktor’s eyes wide open. Great. Here goes nothing. “I… don’t think I want to go back to West Virginia this fall.” 

Viktor’s face didn’t change. “Okay. There are plenty of houses across the river in Maryland or Virginia or even Pennsylvania if you’re up for a little drive.”

“No, that isn’t what I meant. Um… I don’t want to go back at all, Viktor. I want to stay here.” 

Viktor blinked. “Here? Why?”

“I like it here. I like that nobody knows me and nobody can figure out anything of my past. I can hide here from… him, and- and I feel much safer, really.”

“But you know I can’t stay here.” Viktor said softly. “So really, you’d be all alone again, and I know you don’t truly want that.”

“I don’t, I… don’t  _ want _ to be alone, but maybe it’s for the best?” Yuuri squeezed his hand. “I probably can’t even do it this school year, there isn’t enough time to find a job and a house before September. But… I am going to do it sooner or later.”

“And what about us?”

“I guess we’ll figure that out later.”

Well, Viktor didn’t like that very much. He pushed himself up and shook the sand from his shirt. “I better go now. Goodnight, Yuuri.”

“Wait—“ Yuuri quickly followed him up the sand, “Y-You said you didn’t have to be back until ten thirty…”

“Yeah, well, I’m tired.”

“And you can sleep with me if you want— why are you running away?”

“Do I have to marry you to keep  _ you  _ from running away from  _ me _ ?” 

Yuuri froze in his tracks. “What?”

“How can we be in a relationship if you’re living six hundred miles from home? You’d soon forget me, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t even think of forgetting you.” He reached over and tried to grab his hand. “You could always stay with me! I wouldn’t reject that!” 

“I can’t just up and leave everything. And you can’t either. You have a career just like I do. Come, walk with me back to the station and let me rationalize with you.”

“I  _ want  _ to move,” Yuuri told him on the way back. “I want to live in a real town, with more than 300 people in it, with more options for food than carry out and McDonald’s, with museums and parks and people who don’t know what I’ve done in my past. Is it wrong to want that?”

“Of course it isn’t wrong, Yuuri. But you have to think about the consequences and how much effort would have to go into making a big move like this. On top of finding a new house and career, you’d have no friends, no doctor or therapist and no insurance at all. So…”

“Will you help me then?” Yuuri cut him off. They were standing in the middle of the road, about a block from the station. 

Viktor gave him a smile. “Of course I will. I know how much this must mean to you.”

As they continued their walk, and Viktor was probably moping about the possibility of Yuuri moving away in a year or two, Yuuri was thinking about their hands. 

Let me clarify on this one. 

Here, they could actually hold hands while walking down the street. It was mostly a vacation town, but nevertheless, nobody gave a shit. 

Back home, he’d be lucky if they weren’t shot for it, or fired from his job at the very least! 

It was nice to be  _ normal  _ without someone trying to hurt him over it. Yeah, he still thought about senior prom a lot, and already warned Yuri about being careful if he brought a guy along, even though junior prom was months away. 

“Yuuri, if— when you move and I can’t come with you right away…”

“Yeah?”

“You’d wait for me, right?” 

Yuuri grinned, giving him a nod. “I’m honored you’d even think of moving here just to be with me, so of course I would wait. I don’t think I could love anyone else anyway.”

“Same here.” They were stopped again, in front of the station. Most of the lights were off, but Yuuri could see a few men and women drifting around inside, waiting for a call or their turn to sleep. He hoped Viktor would sleep well that night. “I should walk you home now.” Viktor said after a moment’s silence. 

“Oh, I won’t let you. But you can come see me tomorrow morning if you want.” Yuuri took a step closer. 

“The same applies to you. You wouldn’t be bothering anyone if you ever wanted to come in and see me. I get lonely without you.” Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s middle, pulling him closer. “Get some rest though, okay? You look tired.”

“It’s always hard to sleep without you being there.” Yuuri’s being dramatic, he knew that. But Viktor just loved it. 

They both leaned in for a kiss at about the same time and neither really wanted to pull away, but some younger station member whistled and to them, that meant it was time to pull back. 

Yuuri gave him a final stroke to the cheek along with a very sincere smile. “Goodnight.”

Viktor watched Yuuri until he could no longer see him, far, far down the main drag, and prayed he would get home safely even if he knew he would. 

“You never mentioned that person before, Nikiforov,” one of his coworkers clasped his shoulder when passing him to find a good place to smoke without bothering anyone. “Who is he?”

“I’m sure I’ve mentioned Yuuri,” Viktor chuckled. “I never shut up about him according to the others.”

“It was neat, watching you and him interact.” The man said, surrounded by smoke. Wasn’t he a fireman? He couldn’t remember. “You don’t usually smile like that.”

“Oh, well, that’s probably because I-” A sudden, high pitched alarm blared above them, alerting them to a new call. Then, the details came over the loudspeaker inside, and Viktor was called in. “Well, here we go.”

When Viktor and a few others got into the ambulance, he took out his phone (that he technically have brought) and sent a quick text to Yuuri.

Viktor: **On a call. Probably won’t be back until late, so get some sleep and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Love you.**

Yuuri:  **Be safe, Viktor.**

Yuuri:  **I love you more, btw :)**

 

“Hey, loverboy. You wanna get fired?” A young girl with a nearly shaved head (she claims it was a dare) gave him a dirty look. She was nineteen, an EMT, and definitely couldn’t talk to him like that.

“I suppose you have authority over me now, Emily.” Viktor tucked his phone away. “And who was it on their phone when we were dealing with that boating accident while I was in the water rescuing kids?”

“You told me to stay put, Viktor!” She exclaimed. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. That was like, ages ago.” 

“Two weeks ago, Emily. Two weeks.” 

“I hate you. I can’t wait until you leave.”   
  
“You know? I feel the same way.”

“Can you guys focus now?” The driver grumbled. “We’re here. Motorcycle accident, doesn’t look good. The driver is down.” 

Viktor’s heart used to pound in his chest when arriving onto a scene. Sometimes, it was an elderly person with chest pain, or a mother giving birth, something nonviolent that didn’t keep him up at night.

Other times, like now, it was the exact opposite. And Viktor, being one of only two paramedics on the call, knew a lot of the responsibility was on him. The doors swung open, and he knew whatever hesitation he was feeling needed to be dismissed at once. 

Someone’s life was now in his hands. 

“Oh shit,” Emily winced as they rushed over to the scene. It was a hit and run according to a witness parked nearby. The witness frantically explained that he had been fishing on the bridge down the road when he’d seen a truck from the opposite lane intentionally swerve over, hit the victim’s cycle and then drive off. It’s possible they were drunk, but that didn’t matter just yet. Viktor would let the police handle catching the bastard. 

Viktor examined the victim, and yes, he was in terrible shape. “Hey, hey can you hear me? What’s your name, kid?” He was trying to make conversation, trying to keep him awake. 

“Ahh...Hah…” The victim couldn’t speak; his jaw was broken, clearly. And yet, his voice sounded familiar. When the light was shone on him, Viktor’s heart all but stopped. 

“Otabek Altin?” 

After they’d escorted him into the ambulance, his heart rate started dropping, fast. Viktor was already pouring in sweat as it was, but once that machine began beeping, alerting them of no heart rate, he felt like rain was falling onto him from the amount of fluid he was sweating off! 

This was Yuri Plisetsky’s friend. A sixteen or seventeen year old kid. Innocent. About to die if he didn’t  _ do something.  _

How would he ever face Yuuri if he couldn’t save this kid who he seemed to be so fond of? He couldn’t. 

“Come on kid, stay with me,” Viktor did everything he could in the back of that ambulance, keeping that pulse faint, but still there. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was losing him. “Come on… you’ve got to stay awake, okay? Stay aw-”

“Talking to him isn’t really effective if he can’t talk back! His jaw is broken!” Emily complained.

“Shut up!” He barked. “You’re no help, so just sit the fuck down and keep your mouth shut!” 

“You can’t talk to me like that, Viktor!”   
“Just shut up and leave him be, Em,” the driver sighed. 

When they’d reached the hospital, Otabek was rushed inside, and Viktor was left alone in the ambulance,

too shocked to move.

_ Why am I doing this? I know I shouldn’t be working this career. I know it fucks me up. _

 

****

The following morning Viktor realized it would be wrong of him not to go to the Plisetskys’ house and tell them what had happened. Otabek was alive, thanks to Viktor, apparently, but he wasn’t recognizable at the moment and hadn’t woken up yet in the intensive care unit. Viktor had seen how the Altin family reacted. The father, a fifty something year old man with a round, red face, shouted on the phone to his lawyers. There were tears in his eyes every time he looked through the window at his son.

The mother was about a decade younger, short, slender, with graying brown hair. Otabek shared similarities with her before his face got smashed in. She was hysterical; he couldn’t bear to watch. Otabek’s younger sister, a ten year old, sat in the waiting room with a solemn face and wouldn’t talk to anyone. 

Viktor made sure not to stick around. He couldn’t stand witnessing that awful grief. He wished Yuuri’s family reacted like this when he’d attempted suicide in the past. He had no one who cared for him, and Otabek was fortunate...

By the time he reached the Plisetsky house, his face and clothing were still a mess, definitely, and it would frighten Yuuri to see him this way, especially since he never texted him that all was well the night before. He thought about going back to the station to change, but ever since Emily tattled on him to the chief about what he said in the ambulance, he was forced to repress ‘

the urge to smack that smug grin off of her little rat face… 

He rung the bell at a quarter past eight. 

Yuuri had been getting out of a long shower at the moment, though he heard the doorbell and wondered who would be coming over so early in the morning. He hoped they’d go away. He hated answering the door. He was busy thinking about the strange text he’d gotten the night before from an unknown sender……

_ Unknown sent you a message _

Oh, here we go again. How odd was it that it just read: unknown number instead of actually giving the phone number? That wasn’t normal.

Last night, Unknown told him that they’d gone to highschool together, but they’d never talked. He said he found Yuuri in the yearbook and made a friend find his number. He claimed to always be fond of Yuuri, but too shy to admit it.

Now, he was back for a round two. Yuuri wasn’t sure if he should tell Viktor about it, either. The “what-if” was always lingering in his mind when he thought of who this Unknown might be. But that was hardly a plausible idea. How could  _ that man  _ ever find him, and why would he want to? 

This was hardly like Brent at all.

* * *

 

Unknown:  **Good morning, Yuuri :D**

Yuuri:  **Hello**

Unknown:  **What are you up to? When are you coming back to Pott Springs?**

Yuuri:  **I’m not.**

Yuuri:  **gtg :)**

* * *

 

Yuuri pinched his lips together, trying not to think of that what-if again. He went to his dresser and searched for something to wear. It was gloomy out; far too cloudy and possibly going to rain. Viktor’s station sweatshirt would do.

Suddenly, someone was knocking on the balcony door of his room! Damn it! Whoever it was nearly gave him a heart attack!

Nobody went up the exit stairs outside his room except for… 

“Viktor… thank God.” Yuuri wrapped the towel around his waist and hurried to the door, gasping upon seeing Viktor’s condition. There was dried blood on the sleeves of his shirt and the front, his pants were stained with something as well. His hair was disheveled and something like dirt masked his face. “Are you alright??” 

“Yuuri…” Viktor stepped into the room and sat himself on Yuuri’s bed before he was asked to. “I… have some bad news that you’ll need to tell your student. There was a motorcycle accident- a hit and run- last night over by Camille’s Bridge. And…”

Yuuri was good at accepting bad news. But this? It stunned him. “Oh, don’t tell me right now. You need to wash up- have you been up all night, you poor thing?”   
  
“Yuuri.” He stopped him. “It’s Otabek. Yuri Plisetsky needs to know.”

Yuuri didn’t want to tell him. He felt a parallel between his graduation day and Yuri’s oblivious state. How telling him this might shatter his world and change everything…. 

But what choice did he have? 

 

****

 

Of course, Yuri Plisetsky cussed Viktor out for not telling him sooner, then demanded a ride to the hospital to see his friend— even though they were sure he wouldn’t be allowed in.

But Yuuri could see how exhausted Viktor was, and he didn’t smell all that great either. So, taking charge of the situation, he asked Yuri to give him some time, perhaps stretching the truth, I don’t know, that the hospital wouldn’t let him in just yet. 

He listened, just barely. 

Viktor used Yuuri’s shower and Yuuri “quick-washed”his uniform, having it clean in an hour while Viktor napped. 

Then, it was time to go to the hospital. 

Yuri Plisetsky, fondly called Yura by Viktor, got angry whenever he was feeling emotions. So, all the way to the hospital, he found himself making uncalled for remarks at his drivers. 

Yuuri reached over and tried to hold Viktor’s hand, and Yura immediately shouted: “Oh, I can see you two are  _ so  _ taking this situation seriously? Do either of you even have brains?!”

Or when Viktor tried to turn the radio on and commented on knowing the song from his days in high school, he got lectured on why “Now isn’t the time for music! You don’t care at all, do you?!”

Viktor and Yuuri were more relieved to reach the hospital than they were about anything else the day had brought. 

And sure enough, Yura was not allowed in the room. It became hell, very, very quickly. 

“Yura, listen to me,” Viktor tried prying him from the glass outside Otabek’s room in the ICU. “They wouldn’t even let his  _ parents  _ in. It’s okay, we can come back at another time.”

“He’s going to die.” Yuri pushed him away. “He’s dying… isn’t he?”   
  
“I don’t know the extent of his injuries.” Viktor said softly, stepping away from him. “I’m not a doctor."

“Then  _ why  _ would anyone rely on someone as stupid as you to save him on that road? If he dies, this is  _ your  _ fault, Viktor Nikiforov, and I will never forgive you!” 

“Yuri!” his tutor scolded. “Don’t talk to Viktor like that. He did everything he could for Otabek with the limited time and supplies he had.”

“Oh God…” For a minute it seemed like Yuri was going to fall over, his knees seemed to buckle underneath of him and his eyes drooped shut. “Oh God, he’s dying… he’s dying…” 

It was lucky that Viktor and Yuuri had been standing nearby when he fell.

* * *

_ Today at 3:21 pm _

Viktor:  **date tonight? I can’t believe the summer’s almost over :(**

Yuuri:  **I know…**

Yuuri:  **hey, I have something I need to show you. are you still at work?**

> _ Viktor sent a photo _ <

Viktor:  **We haven’t gotten any calls all day and I’m bored. Please come.**

Yuuri:  **I’m dropping yura off at the hospital to visit Otabek. Then, I should be over.**

Viktor:  **yay!**

Yuuri:  **You’re just going to love this surprise, Viktor Nikiforov. Be ready to be shocked! ;)**

 

* * *

It’d been some weeks now since Otabek’s accident. He’d woken up now, and he was making progress, but he was going to be moved into a different hospital before the end of the summer as there was still a long road of recovery left. 

Truthfully, Yuuri had been looking for a perfect time to reunite Viktor and his long lost son for the entirety of the summer. But so much had been going on, he couldn’t find a time until now. 

He was nervous—

Nervous was an understatement, but the worst of it had passed. 

He went ahead and explained the situation to the baby’s grandmother, who seemed mostly enthusiastic at the idea of having someone else look after the baby every now and then and to buy him clothes and pay his medical insurance. 

But she warned him that if anything— and she meant  _ anything _ — were to happen, like Viktor hurting her grandson, not paying bills, disrespecting her or her husband, he would be cut out of the baby’s life for good. 

Yuuri couldn’t imagine anything bad happening.

And now, it was time to test that theory. 

* * *

_ New Message from Unknown _

Unknown:  **You know what would be the best gift ever?**

Yuuri:  **lmao** .  **What**

Unknown:  **Telling me when you’re coming back home! I can’t wait to take you out for drinks! :D**

Yuuri:  **you know I have a boyfriend, pal. Don’t get any funny ideas.**

Unknown:  **Whaaaaaat? I’m not moving in on you, Yuuri. Lol. I just want to see you for old time’s sake. We have so much in common, I can’t believe we weren’t friends in high school!**

Yuuri: **well, if I knew who you were, I could judge that statement more accurately.**

Unknown:  **All good things to those who wait! :)**

* * *

 

He wheeled the stroller down the street to the station, praying there hadn’t been any sudden calls during his absence and that Viktor would be awake and in a good mood. His heart was pounding from the apprehension and excitement, wondering just how Viktor might react and how his life would get  _ so much better…  _

The baby was dressed in a blue shirt and dark blue overalls that were just too cute, honestly. His dark hair was brushed back and his face was clean. Nothing out of place, and God- did he look like Viktor… 

When he reached the large garage doors of the station, he was dismayed to find an ambulance missing.  _ Perhaps someone’s washing it,  _ he thought.  _ Please let it be that someone’s washing it. Please.  _

“Can I help you, sir?” An older man puffing a cigarette who must’ve literally come out of nowhere asked. 

“I’m… Viktor. I- I mean I’m here to  _ see _ —“

“Figured that. I’ve seen you before.” The man smiled. “What a cute baby you’ve got. Anyways, Viktor’s around back washing one of the trucks. Tell him someone’s ordering  _ Domino’s _ for dinner, okay?”

“Alright, thank you,” Yuuri steered the stroller towards the back of the building as his stomach started to lurch again. Viktor  _ was  _ here. Now he’d see the baby and… and…

Viktor was currently crouched down, scrubbing a dirt stain from the side of the ambulance. He’s soaking wet from either sweat or the hose beside him, and his cheeks are pink.  _ Maybe now isn’t the best…  _

_ oh shut up and do this!!! _

“Viktor.”

Viktor nearly banged his head on the truck; he turned around so fast. “Yuuri! You’re here! And you’ve brought a baby!” He wiped the sweat from his face. “Oh, he's cute. What's his name?" 

Viktor barely acknowledged the infant in the stroller for more than a few seconds before preferring to gaze at Yuuri. "And can you take him home? I was hoping we could talk in private… since you said you needed to and it sounded important.”

“He’s a baby, he wouldn’t understand anyway.” Yuuri shifted. “And besides, it’s about him.”

Viktor glanced from him to the baby. “Okay… what’s his name again?”

“It’s Jackson.” Yuuri finally said, bracing for impact. 

“Jackson.” Comes the stiff repeat of the name. “Are you fucking with me, Yuuri? Because it isn’t funny. Stop.” He hated the look on Viktor’s face… 

“No, I would never-“

“I confided into you about my son because I thought I could trust you enough to take it seriously. You know how I feel about him, and now you’re doing this? Bringing in some baby with the  _ same name  _ just to get my reaction? To tease me?  Why are you doing this?”

Well, he hadn’t been expecting  _ that  _ reaction.

“This isn’t just  _ some baby _ , Viktor, this is Jackson!  _ Your  _ Jackson! The grandmother herself confirmed it!” 

“And why would she just tell you something so personal, Yuuri!  _ I  _ was told by her husband that I wasn’t allowed in his life, and what, suddenly I am?!”

“They didn’t know you then! They still don’t, but maybe the wife at least— maybe she changed her mind! Maybe, I don’t know, hearing how you saved Otabek’s life last month showed her how good of a person you are! It doesn’t matter,  _ this _ is him, and I’ve done something incredible for you, so appreciate it!”

Viktor stepped back, turning to the truck and continued scrubbing it (furiously). 

Yuuri couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “A thank you would be nice!!”

“You chose an awful time to introduce us, Yuuri…” Viktor said in a bit calmer tone, “What am I supposed to do now, pay child support and never see him again? Not interested.” 

“...You could at least hold him.” 

“Sometimes I wonder where your brain went, Yuuri Katsuki.”

Yuuri didn’t like that last comment. “Okay.”

He let go of the stroller, face crumpling up, and stalked up the hill. Intentionally leaving the baby behind and ignoring Viktor’s calls after him. 

****

“How are you feeling today, Otabek Altin?” This time, (in attempts to avoid Viktor), instead of waiting in the car or eating in the foodcourt, Yuuri followed his student into the hospital to visit his friend. He sat in a chair by the window and opened a book he wasn’t really going to read so as to give the two friends some space.

“Mm.” Otabek raised a thumb, then tilted it sideways. 

“Probably still in a lot of pain and the food here sucks, doesn’t it?” Yuuri opened the book to page 231. Boring. Something about communicating with your partner...

Otabek shrugged, but his lips tugged into a smile. 

“I stayed at the hospital at your age. I hated every moment of it. Too quiet.”

“He likes the quiet.” Yuri said. 

“Ah, I see.” He bit his lip when he felt his phone vibrate. “I like the quiet too, but some people don’t seem to get that.”

“His mom has had to push away relatives trying to visit him all at once. She’s considering hiring me as his bodyguard.” 

“Yeah?” Yuuri wasn’t really focusing, because...

 

> _ Unknown sent you a message _ <

He powered his phone off. 

****

 

“So, about child support—“

“Oh, there’s no need for that.” The grandmother of the baby said to Viktor, beaming at him. “Where did you say you lived? Do you want another drink?” They were sitting  in the living room next door to the Plisetsky’s late that evening. The baby was asleep against his shoulder, and the grandmother had been surprised at how at ease he’d been with Viktor. He’d surprised her in showing up two hours ago with the baby. At first she was a bit hostile, demanding to know where Yuuri was and why he left the baby with a complete stranger. When Viktor introduced himself, though, her entire attitude changed and she let him in.

“I think I ought to make some sort of financial contribution, ma’am.” It didn’t matter that he’d just met the baby- and he still felt like tearing up every time he thought about how amazing it was to finally know his son- he was already attached and couldn’t let him go again.

“Please, call me Bridget.” 

“And I live in West Virginia. I’m a paramedic full time during the summer and a school psychologist during the school year.”

Her eyes twinkled. “What made you choose West Virginia?”

“Oh, I spent my summers there in my family home. And my dad recently passed it down to me, so I figured why not? The only problem is, it’s far too big of a house for me.”

“You live alone?”

“Sometimes. Yuuri stays with me a lot on the weekends.”

“And do you work on the weekends?”

“No. Sometimes I do have to attend meetings on Saturday mornings, but they’re not  _ necessary _ .”

“I see.” She stood and went to find him another drink. “Well, we live right across the border in Virginia during the regular year. Maybe… maybe something can be arranged without going through the courts just yet… like a trial period until I know you and your arrangements better.” 

Viktor lit up. “You mean… you’d let him stay with me?”

“I don’t see why not. Maybe I’m being too trusting, but I like you.” She knew everything about Viktor already. She had access to his squeaky-clean criminal record and already knew his job history and where he lived (and what a fancy looking house it was!) And she knew Viktor’s mother, who was nothing but positive about him, and more importantly, Yuuri. She could trust Yuuri.

“Thank you, Bridget.” Viktor pulls the throw blanket on the couch over the baby. “If I had known that your daughter’s baby was mine, I would’ve done whatever I could to help. I hope she— and you— know that. Every month that went by that I knew he was alive and I wasn’t with him made me more and more miserable. It’s… incredible to finally be able to meet him.” Whoops, here comes the tears again… 

“It must be. Now, let’s make some arrangements.” Maybe she wanted to give Viktor some time with his kid because of her love of bingo on certain Saturday mornings (that she had to abandon since the baby was born) and running parts of her church, but Viktor didn’t care what her real intentions were. 

Come September, for eight weeks, he was going to have Jackson Saturday and Sunday, every other weekend, and one day during the week— that  _ definitely wasn’t  _ on Bible Study night! 

On top of that, Viktor told her he’d be okay paying for his daycare and doctor bills. He didn’t have to, sure. But he wanted to. He felt like it was the least he could do.

They’d have to go to court over this someday, but until Bridget was sure he was going to treat her grandson well, she didn’t feel the need to.

And besides, Viktor had just charmed her!

He couldn’t wait to tell Yuuri about this wonderful turn of events.

****

 

Yuuri ended up checking his phone the following morning, but some picture Viktor sent wouldn’t load. It was probably due to his shitty service, but the curiosity was getting to him. He completely ignored Unknown for now.

* * *

 

Yuuri:  **Didn’t get your picture. You finished with your tantrum?**

Viktor:  **Yes.  
** Viktor:  **I’m so sorry for how I acted. I was wrong, and you really were right. He is my son, and I can’t thank you enough. I feel like I should repay you.**

Yuuri:  **you’re welcome.  
** Yuuri:  **I’m definitely still pissed at you, so…  
** **we’ll be cancelling our date for tomorrow night. And you can’t come over. I hope you learn from your mistakes and do better next time I present you with such a fucking awesome opportunity, babe :)  
** Yuuri:  **Have a great day.  
** Yuuri:  **Bye.**

Viktor:  **well, fuck me.**

Yuuri:  **Nope. Not even if you paid me.  
** Yuuri:  **Well, maybe if you paid me because I need some new clothes for the fall and the thrift shop doesn’t have anything my size.  
** Yuuri:  **it’d have to be over the phone though because I don’t want to see your stupid face right now  
** Yuuri:  **my paypal is** [ **katyuuri@mdcps.teach.net  
** ](mailto:katyuuri@mdcps.teach.net) Yuuri:  **and it’s $50, $100 if you want video, and $125 if I make you cum first.**

Viktor: * **my life sorry my phone just shut off lol  
** Viktor:  **Wait, What????**

Yuuri:  **….**

Viktor:  **oh my GOD yuuri  
** Viktor:  **I’m screenshotting this for future reference.  
** Viktor:  **my GOD  
** Viktor **: Holy shit FUCK  
** Viktor:  **even more of a freak than I thought. Damnnnn… and you aren’t that cheap either.**

Yuuri:  **My offer still stands. Yes or no?**

Viktor:  **What was your PayPal again? Depositing $125 rn**

* * *

 

Having a normal, healthy relationship sure was something Yuuri didn’t ever expect to have. And it wasn’t easy. 

Pleasing Viktor wasn’t impossible, but even if he didn’t think too hard about their future, his head still swirled being around him. 

What would it be like, living with him, really? He and Viktor changing their addresses, bringing in all their belongings and merging them, perhaps changing last names— if they ever married or started a serious, permanent partnership, of course. 

Did he want to be Yuuri Nikiforov? Nah, that was so old fashioned. This wasn’t the 1920s anymore.

He thought about hyphenating his name though, and that sounded much better. His students at school would still know him as Mr. Katsuki, Viktor’s friends would call him Mr. Nikiforov, but any legal document between the two would be a blended, beautiful, Katsuki-Nikiforov. (Or as Yuri once said, Katsuforov).

But now… they won’t be completely alone. When Yuuri went to watch the baby overnight the following day while his grandmother worked, (and apologize about dumping him off with a stranger), he was given the biggest shock of the summer— Viktor was there. 

Holding the baby.

“Uh… ah… I came to watch the baby…” he bit his lip. “His grandmother works overnights and.. I’m…”

“Oh, I know.” Viktor smirked. “She left early. I don’t know how I charmed her so easily that she just trusts me to watch her grandson.”

“But… but that’s my job…”

“Guess you have the night off?”

“Viktor, I need the money.” Yuuri’s face began turning crimson. 

“I just gave you $125. What’d you do with it?”

“This place pays higher than that! I’m saving money, you idiot.” He pushed Viktor aside and entered the house. “Remember I’m homeless back in West Virginia too? Or did you forget or stop caring about it?"

“I thought you were going to live with me.” Viktor admitted, clicking the door shut behind them. “And can you keep it down?”

“Oh, now you care? Haha… that’s so… so…”   
  
“So what, Yuuri? Isn’t this what you wanted for me?” 

“It’s great. You’re right. It’s great.” He exhaled.  _ I’m acting like such a child.  _ “Well, if you’re staying, I’m going to head on back. Good luck with the kid. And by the way, he doesn’t like the light left on at night.”

“You’re welcome to stay.” Viktor reached out to him. “Are you okay?”   
  
“Stressed, Viktor. Stressed.”

****

Unknown:  **Hey again stranger :) you’ve been ignoring me  
** **how are you this fine evening?**

Yuuri sighed, deciding to give in to the anonymous messenger once again. 

Yuuri:  **not too good. the closer it gets to Fall the higher the stress I’m under. I just want to end it all :’)**

Unknown:  **The emo side of me wants to say “same”, but as your friend I’m going to pull a concern card. You probably should tell someone how you’re feeling.**

Yuuri:  **I’m not going to pull a high-school me on myself.  
** Yuuri:  **and if I was, I certainly wouldn’t be talking to you about it. I’m still trying to figure out your name.**

Unknown:  **You’ll figure it out. Now go talk to someone, me maybe, about what’s going on. I’m worried about you. Don’t you have anyone else who’d worry, too?**

He decided to stretch the truth. 

Yuuri:  **No.  
** Yuuri:  **not a soul.**

Unknown:  **Damn, that sucks. Your boyfriend should be there for you.**

Yuuri:  **I’m tired of bothering him about this.  
** Yuuri:  **our relationship is falling apart with each day that passes. Everything’s only getting more complicated and we argue more than we spend quality time together. I can’t break up with him, but I don’t know how to make myself feel less of a burden to him, either!  
** Yuuri:  **I feel like he’s only with me because he feels sorry for me, no matter what he actually says or thinks.  
** Yuuri:  **Fucked up, right?**

Unknown:  **yes, actually. You need to tell him how you feel and break up with him. You** **_can_ ** **do that much. If you’re miserable, what’s the point? Find someone you already know can make you happy, all the time, not just partly.  
** Unknown:  **He’ll be okay. In the end, it’s about what’s best for you. And if you do it, I’m here for you.**

Yuuri:  **I really can’t leave Viktor.**

Unknown:  **Why? What’s your top reason?**

Yuuri:  **I’m in love with him.**

Unknown:  **Well, what about him? Does he feel the same way?**

Yuuri:  **I think so.**

Unknown:  **thinking isn’t knowing, Yuuri. Ask him. Have a real, grown up conversation with him instead of hiding and let me know how it goes.  
** Unknown:  **I’m waiting.**

Yuuri groaned, rolling onto his side. “Why am I like this?”  _ I know Viktor loves me, there isn’t a fucking doubt in my mind. _

* * *

 

_ New Message To Viktor: _

Yuuri:  **when you’re done there, please come sleep with me.**

 

_ Read at 9:57 pm _

* * *

 

 

Yuuri woke up at half past three to Viktor’s arm wrapping around him. It seemed like he’d just gotten there, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t care, either. He rolled over, and with a little strike of courage, wrote his mystery friend. 

Yuuri:  **Okay** .  **No more guessing. Send me a picture of you or I’ll block this number.**

Unknown:  **you have to send one first :)**

Yuuri rolled his eyes. So immature! He reminded him of someone else… 

Yuuri:  **Alright, but I’m in bed with my boyfriend so he’ll be in it too. Also, what are you doing up so early?**

Unknown **: should ask you the same thing :***

Yuuri:  **Whatever.**

**>** _ Yuuri sent a picture< _

In the photo, Yuuri’s eyes were only partly open and the blanket was up to his collar bone, but his shoulders were exposed. A sliver of Viktor’s light hair was visible on the opposite pillow. After the flash went off for it, Viktor had complained about the light, asking for Yuuri to go to bed already, “my little night owl…”as he had put it. 

Unknown:  **Yuuri?**

Yuuri:  **Yeah, that’s me. Now send the damn picture.**

Unknown:  **If you say so….  
** Unknown:  **but I think that ruins all the fun.**

Yuuri:  **Send it!**

His stomach felt funny before he even opened it. 

> _ Unknown sent a picture _ <

And that was the moment that “unknown” became a real person. 

A real threat. 

It was  _ him _ … 

“It… can’t be…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: "It's not even ten in the morning yet, Christophe Giacometti, and my butt has already been penetrated not once, but twice, by a thumbtack and I've been cussed out by a ten year old. How the hell did you ever manage teaching these heathens?"
> 
>  
> 
> *I hope to update before November lel let's see*


End file.
